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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To avoid my sister for the rest of the holiday

115 replies

LegoWalker · 26/08/2017 22:20

A bit of background first
I have never really gotten along with my sister. When we were kids she was very competitive and my mum's favourite and she used to use this to make sure that me and my brother were always in trouble for things.

After we married and had DCs we only really saw each other for Christmas and birthdays.
The I left my exh and we started talking a bit more and she took more of an interest in my life. However she can still be competitive especially around the DCs. Anything my DCs do hers did earlier/faster/better. Also My sister home schools and she always feels the need to tell me how much better it is when compared to state schools , so I tend to avoid bringing up stuff my DCs do.

So my sister contacted us and arranged for us all to go on a family holiday this weekend. So me and my 4 DCs (12,8,6 and 1), my sister and her husband and their 2 DCs (14,10) and my brother.
Each family has their own caravan and the plan is to split the days so we spend sometime all together and that the adults all get a break away from the DCs.

So we arrived yesterday morning, and yesterday afternoon/evening I looked after all the DCs and my sister and her husband had some alone time. I took them out and fed them and everything went well.

This afternoon was my turn without the DCs so I dropped my DCs off with my sister and went out. My sister called me earlier saying she wanted me to pick up my DCs now because they weren't behaving.
So I arrived to pick them up and she pretty much threw them at me and DD2 was crying. My sister also looked very angry and stressed. I asked what had happened and my sister said they wouldn't join in and DS1 in particular had been very rude and she was very disappointed in them. I made the DCs apologise and took them back to our caravan.

So I asked DS1 (12) first what happened. He said that my sister wanted them to play a quiz game. She had piles of questions already chosen and she split them into teams her DCs against mine. Then she made DS1 and her 14 year old go against each other but when DS1 started winning she made them stop halfway through the questions.

Then it was her 10 year old against my DDs. DS1 said the questions were really hard and were all in a subject that her 10 year old has a special interest in. It's also a topic that they don't really teach in schools. My DDs lost and this time they finished their pile of questions which meant that overall my sister's DCs team had the most points. My sister then brought out prizes for the winners and nothing for my DCs. Then she said they would play the game again with the same teams.

DD2 (6) asked if they could play something else and my sister said no. DS1 asked if they could mix the team's and my sister said no. DS1 said that this wasn't fair and his team was never going to win. My sister said it was my DDs fault for not trying hard enough which upset them because they had tried their best.
My sister said that really it was my fault then because I sent them to a school which meant their best wasn't good enough. DD2 started crying and then my sister shouted at her for spoiling the day. DS1 said that my sister spoilt the day by rigging the game so her DCs would win. My sister then shouted at him too and then she called me to come and get them. Then she told her DCs to go in the bedroom away from mine so they didn't learn how not to behave.

I then talked to my DDs separately and they have told me pretty much the same story. I text my sister and asked her what happened and she replied that they wouldn't play nicely and were bad losers and I needed to have a serious think about their behaviour because her DCs never act like that because they don't pick up bad habits in school and work hard at learning.

So would I be unreasonable to text her and suggest that the families do their own thing for a bit tomorrow to give everyone some space. Admittedly I am pretty sure the DCs are telling the truth DS1 has ASD and is very honest. Plus the DDs story matched up as well. But I'm not sure if I should push my sister to talk about it or just let it go.

OP posts:

mummmy2017 · 26/08/2017 22:57

Do your children play team sports, if so start talking about that when ever she goes on about Home Schooling.
Very hard to have baseball match with 2 players.

indulgentberries · 26/08/2017 22:57

I'm very quite competitive but I'd never do that, her behaviour is despicable. YANBU.

KeepCalm · 26/08/2017 22:57

Avoid. Indefinitely.

BenLui · 26/08/2017 22:59

I wouldn't be leaving my DC alone with her again.

I wonder what her 14 yo thought of his Mother's behaviour.

Goldmandra · 26/08/2017 23:02

It sounds like your sister is very insecure about her decision to home-school. Her plan to reassure herself backfired when your DS started winning his round and she knew that the younger children's questions were rigged in favour of her own DC so she gained no reassurance from her DC coming off better in that round.

She isn't going to get what she wants and it's upsetting her. I certainly would give her a wide berth for the rest of the holiday and, in future, I wouldn't let her look after your DCs ever.

Spend time with her without DCs and refuse to discuss schools and academic performance at all.

SuburbanRhonda · 26/08/2017 23:05

Are you just there for the weekend?

If so, take your DCs out first thing tomorrow for a lovely day by yourselves.

And keep your distance in the future unless her DC come to yours.

emmyrose2000 · 26/08/2017 23:05

There's something very wrong with your sister. At the absolute very least, she's extremely insecure.

I'm not clear on whether you own your caravan which you towed to the site yourself (in which case you can easily just drive off to another site), or whether you've hired it on site (in which case, I'd go and book in elsewhere). But in either case, I'd be long gone by the morning. I'd simply pack up and leave, and I wouldn't be telling her beforehand. Nor would I be speaking to her again.

Bluntness100 · 26/08/2017 23:07

Is she married? It seems she has huge issues surrounding her decision to home school and is trying to prove a point that she was right. I wonder if it was to show someone in the room or to herself...

Original poster

LegoWalker · 26/08/2017 23:08

I do avoid talking to my sister about academic performance as it leads to her trying to compare the DCs.
She has always been like this even when we were kids so I'm used to her acting like this.

OP posts:

HashiAsLarry · 26/08/2017 23:09

YABU, but if you want to stay there try to give the DC the best possible holiday - which is probably miles away from her .

BMW6 · 26/08/2017 23:09

FFS WHAT A BITCH !!

There is no way on earth I would take that shit. I'd tell her that I see right through her pathetic attempts at one-upmanship and that I want no contact with her in any way, shape or form.

Sure I feel sorry for her kids, but no way would I allow her to mess with my children to satisfy her ego. After this I wouldn't trust her a second.

What.A.Prize.Bitch.

emmyrose2000 · 26/08/2017 23:10

Exactly. I thought this at the beginning of the OP, before it even got to the part about the quiz, and her behaviour/reaction to DC1 winning just confirmed it.

She's not a safe person to leave your children with. After this stunt (the lies and cruelty; especially making them cry; not the quiz itself), she'd no longer have access to my children.

Original poster

LegoWalker · 26/08/2017 23:10

We are supposed to be here till Monday afternoon. We hired a caravan on-site. She is married and her DH was there but he was just sitting outside with my youngest and didn't get involved.

OP posts:

BMW6 · 26/08/2017 23:11

I can see how you are conditioned to her behaviour - but please don't let her affect your children.

TheAntiBoop · 26/08/2017 23:12

So she set her 14yo against your 12yo and her 10yo against an 8yo and a 6yo? She is nuts. Maybe suggest to her that if she is concerned her kids are a couple of years behind she could find a tutor, smile, head tilt

Or tell her you are concerned about her mental health

kittybiscuits · 26/08/2017 23:12

Looks like a midnight escape would be the way to go then!

BMW6 · 26/08/2017 23:13

Fuck that. Get as far away from her as possible, as soon as you can. Let your DC see that you will stand up for them and that her behaviour is not to be tolerated.

fc301 · 26/08/2017 23:14

Very toxic. It would be a mistake to ever leave your children with her unsupervised again. You need clear boundaries in order to protect your children.
Your OP starts 'I have never really got along with my sister' ... your first big mistake was going along with the joint holiday idea. She has engineered this situation, try not to let that happen again.

Motherofterriers · 26/08/2017 23:15

Stay away from her, take your kids out tomorrow and have a lovely time. Maybe sit down with your kids and acknowledge that what happened wasn't fair or their fault.
In future I'd steer well clear of her

Bluntness100 · 26/08/2017 23:16

I think she's trying to prove a point, either to be able to go out to her husband and say look our kids won, or to the kids themselves and say look how well you've done, see !

Clearly though there is issues somewhere surrounding her decision. Her behavuour was very very bizzare.

Zippydoodah · 26/08/2017 23:17

Sounds exactly like my sister. She doesn't home school but every decision I make that is different from hers and i get grilled. She also spouts off and dn is starting to sound just like her to the point that i don't want her round either.

Yes definitely insecurity and I think it comes from our relationship with our parents.

But we're adults now and she needs to be her own person without arguing about it and need other people be who they are

I am currently on one of my keeping my distance ecercises but too soft and lack willpower to sustain it

cluelessnewmum · 26/08/2017 23:20

As pp said definitely don't leave your children with her again.

I do feel very sorry for her kids though, it doesn't sound like they're having a healthy upbringing at all and if they're home schooled they may not have much opportunity to interact normally with other kids.

You've obviously got a lot on your plate with 4dc so understandable if you can't, but if you think you could take her kids out again that would be really nice for them, it sounds like they'd benefit from some normality

Zvandelle · 26/08/2017 23:30

Leave. She is poison and never going to change. You and yr kids shouldn't have to suffer that.

MusicToMyEars800 · 26/08/2017 23:40

What Aquamaine said!
Your sister sounds awful, I would cut contact if it were me in your shoes.

DD0314 · 26/08/2017 23:44

Avoid her. Being related to you does not give her the right to be so nasty to you and your children. I'd be livid in your position and I'd be telling my sister exactly what I think too! Disgusting behaviour. Talk about confidence crushing for your kids! Explain to your children they they are better at other things and enjoy your holiday with your children. Tell your sister you've decided to spend the rest of your holiday with just your kids. Don't bother explaining yourself.
I honestly hope you manage to enjoy the rest of your holiday

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