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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Ex dp trying to sabotage my diet

52 replies

Millieja · 26/08/2017 18:30

I don't know if low blood sugar is making me unreasonable here so thought I'd ask - I've got about 4 stone to lose, so a lot, and I'm very unhappy with myself at this weight. I'm trying hard to lose it by reducing carbs and calories in general which is difficult as I love food and haven't got the best willpower. I've lost about half a stone in six weeks.

Ex DP stays at my place about once a week to see one year old dd and spends the night in her room so he can do the getting up (she still gets up about two-three times a night) and while it's not what I would ideally choose, for him to be in my space, it's nice for dd. He and I get on ok, we do fall out about stuff but manage to work through it.

However, on the nights he stays over he invariably brings loads of carby snacks. He knows I'm dieting but he does it anyway. It's always loads more than he can eat on his own and it's virtually impossible for me to resist when I'm carb-starved and it's right there in front of me. I've asked him not to bring it but he does it anyway. Last time he 'joked' that he was deliberately trying to sabotage my diet so that I wouldn't get a boyfriend (we split 3 months ago, my decision, he's quite open about wanting a relationship with me still) so AIBU to think he's doing this on purpose and it's actually not kind and not funny (he laughs when I bring it up). Or am I just weak-willed and over sensitive? Tonight he's brought a big bag of hot cross buns, a packet of croissants and a massive pizza!!

OP posts:
rollonthesummer · 26/08/2017 18:32

Don't let him stay!

Millieja · 26/08/2017 18:36

I feel like it would be difficult to explain to dd when she's older that the reason she started seeing her dad less is because I couldn't cope with the presence of baked goods

OP posts:
Twitchingdog · 26/08/2017 18:37

Time to no let him stay . He need take baby to stay at his.

Whatsername17 · 26/08/2017 18:40

Stop the crap low carving and joimg Weight Watchers. You will lose weight very quickly and be able to eat some of the car by crap within your weekly point allowance. I had 1.5 stone to lose after having my baby and weight watchers has helped me lose 10lb so far in 4 weeks. And I've ate pizza.

Florene · 26/08/2017 18:42

Stay at a friend/relatives when he stays at yours?

Millieja · 26/08/2017 18:42

He doesn't have his own place (not somewhere suitable anyway, without going into too much detail) so it's here or not at all.

whatsername funnily enough I've been considering ww this week. I was put off as I've heard most people put the weight back on? But the thought of allowed carbs is very tempting...

OP posts:
LisaMed1 · 26/08/2017 18:43

You didn't stop him coming over because he brought carbs. You stopped him coming over because he was cruel and manipulative.

hth

LynetteScavo · 26/08/2017 18:44

Tell him you've given up on the diet.

Then make that your one treat day. Eat something he's brought in front of him. Tell him you don't want any more because you've been pigging out all day. Drink lots of water and distract yourself. You can beat him at his silly game.

Good luck!

Millieja · 26/08/2017 18:44

florene I wouldn't feel able to leave her for so long, not yet anyway!

OP posts:
Anecdoche · 26/08/2017 18:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Somerford · 26/08/2017 18:46

I feel like it would be difficult to explain to dd when she's older that the reason she started seeing her dad less is because I couldn't cope with the presence of baked goods

Yeah when you put it like that it's difficult to imagine your DD taking it very well when she's older.

It's great that you still get along though. I'm assuming there's a good reason why he can't take her to his place for the night, I won't question that if you weren't happy to include it in your OP. Perhaps you need to be firmer about it, if he's laughing it off he might not understand why it's bothering you. He might just think it's a nice thing to come round with treats for you and your DD. If he's already there I would leave it for tonight but when you are making arrangements for his next visit, close the discussion with a very firm instruction not to bring any junk food with him and tell him you're dead serious. If he pushes it after that you'll know what his motivations are.

Anecdoche · 26/08/2017 18:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Millieja · 26/08/2017 18:50

I'm in my bedroom now! I swear I can smell those hot cross buns though...

OP posts:
Somerford · 26/08/2017 18:50

@LisaMed1 - on MN a bit of cake can be cruel, manipulative, passive aggressive, belligerent, whatever you want it to be. In real life it's just cake.

chickenowner · 26/08/2017 18:50

Don't give him the satisfaction of either eating any of his food, or even showing him that you're tempted to.

HelenaDove · 26/08/2017 18:52

She already knows what his motivations are because he has already told her.

He is being controlling.

And fast weight loss is not the answer because it usually goes back on again just as quickly.

It took me over 3 years to lose 4 stone recently. But it stays off a lot easier if weight loss is slower.

DH offered me a chocolate eclair a few days ago just out of politeness. I said no thankyou. He said fair enough.

What would his reaction be if you just refused?

user1485639128 · 26/08/2017 18:53

Get yourself to weight watchers or slimming world and you won't feel deprived.

I'm on week 4 of slimming world and have lost 16.5lbs! I eat more now than I did before I joined, just eating the right foods. I also still eat chocolate or crisps everyday too.

Good luck

Purplemac · 26/08/2017 18:54

Your ex being in your home is a separate issue.

If you are welcoming him into your home overnight, he can bring whatever food he wants. You don't have to eat it. He is testing your willpower - so show him how strong you can be! It's probably some psychological bullshit about him tempting you away from your diet to tempt you away from singledom. You are better than that!

My suggestion would be preparing some delicious low-carb snacks so you don't feel like you're missing out!

HelenaDove · 26/08/2017 18:54

The first time it took me nearly 18 months to lose ten stone. I lost 7 stone of it in 7 months and got gallstones. I learnt the hard way.

This was in 2002/03.

PaganGoddessBrigid · 26/08/2017 18:55

Nobody can put food in to your mouth except you.

But obviously I understand that it's hard.

Have you tried dieting every second day? It's easier than dieting every day (obviously) and is a good thing to do to avoid feeling like you'll never enjoy a good feed again.

Huffletuff · 26/08/2017 18:55

I'd get really excited about what food he'd brought, stuff my face and tell him you've given up on your diet because the new guy you're seeing likes you just the way you are.

Millieja · 26/08/2017 19:00

chickenowner I'd love to not give him the satisfaction but the problem is I'm too weak!

helena wow I'm impressed at such an amazing weight loss! Sorry you got gallstones, I had them too. Awful!

Huffletuff Grin

OP posts:
Millieja · 26/08/2017 19:01

PaganGoddess I've never thought of that! It sounds like it could work!

OP posts:
MyOtherProfile · 26/08/2017 19:06

Eat a couple of hard boiled eggs just before.

BIWI · 26/08/2017 19:11

If you're low carbing, you can't do that every second day - you'd just undo everything you'd done on a low carb day!