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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Ex dp trying to sabotage my diet

52 replies

Millieja · 26/08/2017 18:30

I don't know if low blood sugar is making me unreasonable here so thought I'd ask - I've got about 4 stone to lose, so a lot, and I'm very unhappy with myself at this weight. I'm trying hard to lose it by reducing carbs and calories in general which is difficult as I love food and haven't got the best willpower. I've lost about half a stone in six weeks.

Ex DP stays at my place about once a week to see one year old dd and spends the night in her room so he can do the getting up (she still gets up about two-three times a night) and while it's not what I would ideally choose, for him to be in my space, it's nice for dd. He and I get on ok, we do fall out about stuff but manage to work through it.

However, on the nights he stays over he invariably brings loads of carby snacks. He knows I'm dieting but he does it anyway. It's always loads more than he can eat on his own and it's virtually impossible for me to resist when I'm carb-starved and it's right there in front of me. I've asked him not to bring it but he does it anyway. Last time he 'joked' that he was deliberately trying to sabotage my diet so that I wouldn't get a boyfriend (we split 3 months ago, my decision, he's quite open about wanting a relationship with me still) so AIBU to think he's doing this on purpose and it's actually not kind and not funny (he laughs when I bring it up). Or am I just weak-willed and over sensitive? Tonight he's brought a big bag of hot cross buns, a packet of croissants and a massive pizza!!

OP posts:
Original poster
Millieja · 26/08/2017 19:13

BIWI are you low carbing? Does it get easier if so? Seriously considering ww so that I'm allowed the occasional bit of bread!

OP posts:
Chocolateteabag · 26/08/2017 19:29

Hi OP - following on from PaganGoddess's suggestion - how about the 5:2 diet/Way of life? The threads on here led by Big Choc have massively helped me. You do 2 days of 500 cals and 5 "normal" days (idea being you don't overly pig out on those days) but you can then make sure your ex is over on a "5" day?

Also can you start to use his nights as a babysitter night? At least go out in the early evening (cinema/gym/late night shop) - use him to get out of the house child free?

PaganGoddessBrigid · 26/08/2017 19:30

I love that retort ''I can eat what I want because my new bf loves me''

Original poster
Millieja · 26/08/2017 19:33

Thanks Chocolateteabag yes that's definitely something to consider! And you're right, early evening at least would be a good time for me to get out of the house and go for a glass of wine with a friend exercise

OP posts:
PaganGoddessBrigid · 26/08/2017 19:33

Yes, I'm doing 5:2 atm. Mondays and Thursdays. I thought about today being an extra fast day but then I decided 'nah' because I wanted to sit in the garden with a Peroni. I'm just being vaguely good today.

PoorYorick · 26/08/2017 19:33

WW is much better but the real problem is your ex.

Flybye · 26/08/2017 19:34

So if you don't lose weight you'll remain single? Nice

Original poster
Millieja · 26/08/2017 19:36

Yeah there's a reason he's my ex...

OP posts:
Justanothernameonthepage · 26/08/2017 19:37

Can you paint your nails and pop a facemask on? The smell will drown out the hot cross buns and you won't want to risk smudging it by going out there and sorting it. And take a huge drink of water first.

pigsDOfly · 26/08/2017 19:39

Denying yourself an essential food group is surely going to make it very hard to stick to long term.

Something like weight watchers or slimming world will give you a more realistic, long term idea of what a balanced, healthy diet should be.

Trying to do it on your own must be very hard, if you go to a ww group each week you will meet others in your situation and get support.

Might help to tell him that if he wants to stay he has to stop bringing foods you don't want into YOUR home.

LazyDailyMailJournos · 26/08/2017 20:01

He's definitely trying to sabotage you. So tell him straight that if he carries on bringing shit round then he'll need to find somewhere else to stay.

A quick comment about 'crap low carbing' - not everyone gets on with WW or SW and not all of us can eat crisps and chocolate or have cheat days and still lose weight. Low carbing, when done correctly, can work really well for people (like me) who struggle with 'traditional diets'. Just because you don't do it yourself doesn't mean it's 'crap' - and it's worth noting that there's an increasing body of evidence to show that insulin resistance and diabetes can benefit significantly from a carb controlled way of eating.

grandOlejukeofYork · 26/08/2017 20:03

If you have to eat all his crap just because it's there, the diet isn't going to last long anyway, to be honest.

LazyDailyMailJournos · 26/08/2017 20:05

Pigs you don't completely deny yourself - you still eat carbs, but in the form of veg. The stuff that is lower GI and therefore much better for your blood sugar. It's not possible for me to lose weight whilst still eating bread, pasta, rice and sugary desserts even if they are 'low fat' unless I cut my calories down to less than 800 a day. Whereas when LC I don't worry about calorie content; I can eat until I feel comfortably full and still lose weight - with the added bonus that I eat much more veg now than I did before.

WW and SW can be great for the people it suits - but it doesn't work for all of us.

emsmum79 · 26/08/2017 20:10

Your ex is definitely not helping, but I think you may struggle with your diet plan in the long term. I lost over 5 stone in a year (nearly 10 inches from my waist measurement) and did not miss any foods at all. I had one treat day a week (two if a special occasion) where I could eat what I wanted. Because I knew treat day was coming, I genuinely didn't crave anything on the other days. The treat days could be fairly epic (but never binging) because if you are 'good' only one day a week you won't lose weight, so if you are 'bad' one day a week it won't make you put on!
Best of luck!

dataandspot · 26/08/2017 20:18

Emsmum

Sugar addicts like me can't have a cheat day and then get back on plan.

Low carb is great for me because I become disinterested in food , don't have swings in weight, no cravings etc. It puts me in control.

Whatsername17 · 26/08/2017 20:24

WW is about changing your eating habits. If you go back to eating crap.once you've lost the weight you will gain it again I guess but that is true of any diet. It has made me a much better cook. I feel so much better in myself and it's only been a month.

Mittens1969 · 26/08/2017 20:26

I would also echo the comments of PPs on this thread, that you'd do well with Slimming World. You can eat one of the treats your ex brings but then include it in your syn allowance. That will take away some of his ability to manipulate you. You can accept one then just say no thank you and don't mention your diet.

Original poster
Millieja · 26/08/2017 20:59

Thanks for the suggestions, I think I'll join weightwatchers!

OP posts:
timeisnotaline · 26/08/2017 21:06

Huffle Grin. But protein before he comes is a sensible idea

timeisnotaline · 26/08/2017 21:43

Huffle Grin. But protein before he comes is a sensible idea

NSEA · 26/08/2017 21:45

I would pore water all over the food. That would stop him soon enough (onlynpour water on the half you're expected to eat though)

Papafran · 26/08/2017 21:50

He sounds really unsupportive. Who the fuck eats hot cross buns when it's not easter anyway? I agree that low carb is not the way (for me anyway). I was so constipated and felt like rubbish. I would recommend my fitness pal- log all the calories and make sure to stay below your daily target. Found WW and all the counting of points a bit of a drag to be honest. MFP is much easier.

Good luck!

BIWI · 26/08/2017 22:06

@Millieja I run the low carb Bootcamps on Mumsnet!

You may find that low carbing isn't for you - but if you want to know more, come and have a read of some of the low carb threads, and/or join us on the latest chat thread

Original poster
Millieja · 26/08/2017 22:08

Thanks BIWI!

OP posts:
emsmum79 · 26/08/2017 22:25

Dataandspot, I was just giving advice for what worked for me. I didn't say it would work for everyone. We each need to find our own way, and part of that can be finding lots of nice advice online!