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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU or was this woman over the disabled toilet/baby changing room?

78 replies

Tressium · 26/08/2017 18:13

This happened earlier and I'm still mulling it over. I think the woman was incredibly cheeky and rude.

The baby changing and disabled toilet are rolled into one and require a radar key to access. Was given key, then almost finished and was just washing my hands when I could hear somebody fumbling with the lock. They then opened the door (I have no idea why the use of another radar key overrides it being unlocked from the inside - it seems a ridiculous design). I'd been about to use the toilet myself, it had a special little chair to strap your child into so you could go to the toilet without holding them, but when I heard the door being messed with realised either a disabled person or another parent needs the room so I'll just leave. Bloody glad I didn't as it opened onto the entire corridor! Anyway, when the woman opened the door, she didn't apologise and close the door, she looked me up and down with a look of disgust on her face, closed the door slightly to see what symbols it had on it, then re-opened it, glared some more and said "are YOU DONE " in a really angry tone. Wtf?! I was quite shocked. I don't know why disabled toilets and baby changing facilities are lumped in together, but that's the fault of the designer, not mine for using it. I was actually just getting ready to leave anyway and a bit gobsmacked so said yes. She then stood right in the doorway glaring at me and shaking her head in disgust, right in my way so I'd have to squeeze past her while she glared in my face. She was taller than me and intentionally sticking her face forwards towards me, following me around her as I left the room, almost like squaring up to someone and getting in their face, if that makes sense. I didn't think there was much point saying anything, and I also have her the benefit of the doubt and thought she might have a disability which means she desperately needs the toilet now so I'll let it go.

But I'm still a bit shocked about it now. I couldn't imagine ever opening the door to a toilet, finding somebody in there and doing anything other than instantly shutting it and apologising, let alone behaving aggressively towards them. So... WIBU?

OP posts:

JustMumNowNotMe · 26/08/2017 18:15

She was an agressive arsehole, you were not at all unreasonable! I wouldn't have been able to hold my tongue though and would have said something about her vile attitude/behaviour!

AlmostAJillSandwich · 26/08/2017 18:19

So someone else CAN open the door if they have a key even if youre in there? I didnt realise that, thats me even further put off relying on them instead of staying home!

Toffeelatteplease · 26/08/2017 18:21

YANBU

But tbh she's probably had enough of the children in the disabled toilet thing. Even in this cas it was entirely justified. There been a few occasions when it's nearly led to DS soiling himself.

SayNoToCarrots · 26/08/2017 18:22

"If I were done, I would have opened the door myself."

raspberrysuicide · 26/08/2017 18:22

No that's not right, you can't open the door with a radar key if it's locked from the inside

Babieseverywhere · 26/08/2017 18:22

Jill I am guessing if you left the key in the lock on the inside it wouldn't open ?

OP The lady does sound rude. However she might of been in desperate need and just wanted you to leave.

Wonder why the baby change was put in a radar toilet....doesn't sound very sensible for the only changing facilities to be there.

Queenioqueenio · 26/08/2017 18:22

Jeez I was assured that they couldn't be opened with a key if someone was already in there.

Toffeelatteplease · 26/08/2017 18:23

Nope they can't generally. Some are a little awkward/temperamental to lock though so end up unlocked when you think they are locked

Toffeelatteplease · 26/08/2017 18:24

Babies no keyhole on the inside just the outside

BenLui · 26/08/2017 18:25

That sounds upsetting, I would just assume that she was having a very bad day and put it from your mind.

jmh740 · 26/08/2017 18:26

I always knock before I use my radar key to check if someone is in because I thought they could be opened even if they were locked on the inside.

TheHungryDonkey · 26/08/2017 18:30

I hoped they couldn't be open. I open slowly and tentatively with a hello. But no woman was rude and aggressive

Autofillcontact · 26/08/2017 18:30

OP honestly it sounds like you have made a HUGE drama out of a very minor event. The whole looking you up and down is very high school and the adult thing to do would've been to ask her what the problem is.

But broadly speaking of course you are not being unreasonable. She can wait for the loo as anyone does when there is only 1.

But yes I think you can open radar keys from outside as when staff unlock them for you they always knock first

Original poster

Tressium · 26/08/2017 18:31

It's possible I didn't lock the door properly, I've never used one before and the handle on the inside said 'lift up to lock'. I did that but it didn't feel like it locked into anything, so I did it a few more times but it was still the same so I assumed it was correct.

I didn't think she was about to hit me, in case that's how it sounded. Just trying to intimidate me as she clearly thought she was in the right. She didn't actually say anything for me to respond to, and I'm not confrontational at all, it takes a lot for me to speak up. I just gave her my unimpressed face. I am sitting here wondering whether I should have told her how rude she was but there's no way she didn't already know that. I'd only be sitting here feeling ashamed that I'd had a go at a disabled woman like an idiot.

OP posts:

BenLui · 26/08/2017 18:34

Rather than giving her your unimpressed face next time give a bright smile and breeze past her.

Much more effective.

Original poster

Tressium · 26/08/2017 18:36

I have made a drama out of it, it really bothered me! I was also extremely stressed and dealing with something so it was the icing on the cake and has played on my mind. I'm not used to people behaving like that towards me out of the blue and I thought asking her what her problem was would only start an argument. I'm still wondering whether she was somehow right. I'm such a doormat

OP posts:

GeillisTheWitch · 26/08/2017 18:38

Don't worry OP, you didn't do anything wrong, try not to fret. She needs to take it up with the management of the venue if she's not happy with the facilities provided, not someone using them for one of their intended purposes.

KingJoffreysRestingCuntface · 26/08/2017 18:39

Should've waited a few seconds and then opened the door nice and wide like she did to you.

It's the only way some people learn.

sassyavocado · 26/08/2017 18:39

She sound unnecessarily rude and aggressive to be honest.
Can anyone tell me what's 'acceptable' if you're out on your own with your baby and you need a wee?! I'm a new mum and haven't been out on my own yet but never had to take baby with me to the toilet! Do the mum and baby toilets have a toilet in for Mum to use or can you use the disabled one?

clutteringfunt · 26/08/2017 18:41

I had this happen to me the other day.
Took the little boy I look after to the disabled toilet which was combined with a baby change.
Whilst I was helping him to wash his hands someone was rattling and banging on the door.
When we left the woman was so rude "this is a nappy change you know!!" Tutting and shaking her head and stood so I couldn't get the wheel chair through.
I said I think you'll find there is more baby changing facilities over there, but this is the only disabled toilet.
Could overhear her talking loudly to her friend about how entitled I was after.

wornoutboots · 26/08/2017 18:41

she was a bit presumptive anyway - some of us are disabled and have kids! She had no way to know whether you were or not

e1y1 · 26/08/2017 18:42

I would have thought that they COULD BE opened even if locked from the inside, simply because if a disabled person were in there and happened to have a mishap, how would assistance get to them?

Isn't there a sign on the door that says "engaged/in use" when someone has the door locked from the inside.

It's OH that is disabled, will ask about radar toilets.

WRT to the woman, she was an aggressive arse, I wouldn't have been able to hold my tongue, but just think OP, you were the bigger person and she has no idea she got to you.

Huffletuff · 26/08/2017 18:42

I'd have closed the door again after telling her I wasn't finished, then used the toilet. Cheeky mare - how dare she behave like that? For all she knew, you were disabled and were using the toilet as well as your baby being changed. It is not your fault the baby changing was situated in a disabled toilet.

I'm disabled myself with a radar key and would never behave in such a manner. You can't see all disabilities either.

DontTouchTheMoustache · 26/08/2017 18:46

Don't worry OP I'm a doormat too and I would have probably reacted the same as you and scuttled off but fumed about it later. Non confrontational people tend to get a bit of a hard time on here for not standing up for themselves but it's very difficult for some people.

e1y1 · 26/08/2017 18:47

..Although King's suggestion is better, may have started an argument, but meh.

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