AIBU or was this woman over the disabled toilet/baby changing room?

[Tressium]

This happened earlier and I'm still mulling it over. I think the woman was incredibly cheeky and rude.

The baby changing and disabled toilet are rolled into one and require a radar key to access. Was given key, then almost finished and was just washing my hands when I could hear somebody fumbling with the lock. They then opened the door (I have no idea why the use of another radar key overrides it being unlocked from the inside - it seems a ridiculous design). I'd been about to use the toilet myself, it had a special little chair to strap your child into so you could go to the toilet without holding them, but when I heard the door being messed with realised either a disabled person or another parent needs the room so I'll just leave. Bloody glad I didn't as it opened onto the entire corridor! Anyway, when the woman opened the door, she didn't apologise and close the door, she looked me up and down with a look of disgust on her face, closed the door slightly to see what symbols it had on it, then re-opened it, glared some more and said "are YOU DONE " in a really angry tone. Wtf?! I was quite shocked. I don't know why disabled toilets and baby changing facilities are lumped in together, but that's the fault of the designer, not mine for using it. I was actually just getting ready to leave anyway and a bit gobsmacked so said yes. She then stood right in the doorway glaring at me and shaking her head in disgust, right in my way so I'd have to squeeze past her while she glared in my face. She was taller than me and intentionally sticking her face forwards towards me, following me around her as I left the room, almost like squaring up to someone and getting in their face, if that makes sense. I didn't think there was much point saying anything, and I also have her the benefit of the doubt and thought she might have a disability which means she desperately needs the toilet now so I'll let it go.

But I'm still a bit shocked about it now. I couldn't imagine ever opening the door to a toilet, finding somebody in there and doing anything other than instantly shutting it and apologising, let alone behaving aggressively towards them. So... WIBU?

Clutteringfunt, that's much worse the other way around. What a horrible woman!

She was really rude op. Try not to give it any more thought, you didn't do anything wrong.

I have a 7 year old disabled child still in nappies and I was once judged by a woman waiting to use the disabled toilet while we were in it. she tutted, glared and then commented about the dreadful smell. Well, yes, there was a bad smell but rather unavoidable and something we have to deal with every day. I still wish I had said something.

I definitely wouldn't have used the toilet after realising somebody else needed it. I'm not disabled and can use the other toilets. It would be cruel to do that to teach her a lesson and for all I know it could have resulted in an embarrassing accident. I still feel like a bit of a doormat for letting her treat me like that but I think I'd be feeling worse if I'd challenged her.

I am disabled and use disabled toilets regularly and I must that these disabled toilets combined with baby changing facilities do annoy me. Not the fault of the users,entirely the fault of the powers-that-be who decided it was a good idea to stick them in together. I've quite frequently had to wait 15 minutes to use the toilet as someone is changing a baby in there. But I wouldn't dream of launching into a tirade of abuse at someone about it. It's not their fault. And to be honest,it does work the other way round too,i.e. someone waiting to use the baby change getting stroppy with a disabled person. One disabled toilet in a certain shopping centre I used to use a few years ago was particularly bad. Eventually,a notice was put on the door saying 'Please be aware that this toilet is for the use of disabled people as well as being a baby changing facility'. And regarding the comment above about leaving the key in the door inside the toilet to prevent it being opened,this is not possible as there is not a keyhole on the inside of the door! I've never had anyone open the door from the outside once I'm inside the toilet. My feeling is that this happens because they haven't put the bolt on or raised the handle to lock it. If you don't do this,a radar key will still open it from the outside!

What a rude woman. I would have told her not to be so blooming rude, if you are done, you would have opened the toilet. I did that in a theme park. I had a radar key (the disabled toilets there require one), and I presume the door was locked as you needed a key, I opened it with my radar key, and somebody was inside . I apologised prefusly and closed the door. There was no indication on the door of it being engaged.

What a vile woman. You did nothing wrong op, what a cow x

I would have told her straight that no, I wasn't done yet and made her close the door.

Clearly it is less than ideal for the baby changing facilities to only be available in the disabled toilet, but it does still sometimes happen.

Also, some of us do have various medical issues and may need to use the disabled toilet without feeling required to divulge our medical history each time. Not all problems are immediately visible.

YANBU she was very rude! I would have said 'do you mind?! I haven't finished!' and shut the door in her face.

I have an invisible disability and often use the disabled toilet when I have toddler with me. I have my own Radar key (provided by hospital). I've had a few confrontations with people who think I shouldn't be using it! I'm always icily polite but very assertive. The classic MN 'did you mean to be so rude?' In a loud incredulous voice usually does the trick.

One time a woman hammered on the door shouting 'I need to use the toilet let me in' until I shouted back 'you'll have to wait because I'm using it, stop banging on the door!' in a scary voice and she stopped. Fortunately ours locks from the inside and has a light to show if it's engaged.

However, I always try to be very quick as I'm conscious people may be waiting. If I'm changing toddler's nappy it's a no-faffing job, no singing nursery rhymes or coaxing, no dithering around. I use pull-ups and if she's in the buggy I put her shoes back on outside to save time. It really annoys me when people take 15 mins to change a nappy! I once waited for a baby changing table (with screaming toddler after a poo explosion) while a lady took 15 mins to leisurely change her baby's nappy. Every few seconds she stopped to kiss and nuzzle baby/sing a nursery rhyme/rummage in her bag. She could see there was a queue outside as the door had a glass panel!

how did she know you werent disabld u cant barge in a toilet like that!

@sassyavocado
It can be very hit and miss on the baby facilities when out. Many of them don't have a toilet for mum/older siblings in the baby changing area, unless it's a combined disabled/baby changing room.

Just do what is sensible/practical and try to not take too long when you are out and about (you will get some people who say that you can never use a disabled when out and about with a pram and should either wet yourself or expose yourself to the rest of the ladies when using a normal cubicle as you cannot close the door when you have a pram).

I'm glad I got older kids now as they wait out with the pram. But surely you could just take the baby in the toilet with you?? What do people who baby wear do and don't use prams? They must take baby in with them.

There is actually a move towards rebranding disabled toilets as 'accessible toilets' so that includes pram and people with invisible illnesses. In a lot of cases they were sitting round generally empty most of the time when they could have been used to stop other people having to struggle. A lot of places are changing the signs to 'accessible' and reminding people you often can't see a disability.

letstry I used to do that with DS1. But it's a practical impossibility with twins.

@kpo58

You should never use a disabled toilet when there are no baby changing facilities inside, just because you have a baby. How awful.

Should have said no you weren't finished and then took your time. No excuse for her to behave like that whatever she's suffering with.

Many places only have disabled loos - such as many Costas. I thought that the disabled loos were designed for easy access - not to be left standing empty most of the day so that a disabled person doesn't have to wait at all.

What a nasty woman.

There's a debate to be had about whether baby changing should be in the disabled loo (some cafes near me there is only one loo for all customers and they've made it accessible) but thay doesn't excuse her nastiness.

If she has an issue with the allocation of changing/toilets then she needs to raise it properly with the manager, not be rude to someone using the existing system.

I'm a wheelchair user and a couple of times I've had the rattle of handle, only once the door has opened and the person was very apologetic. Some locks are defective I think, but there's no keyhole on the inside it's a lift up handle to lock. I've had to wait numerous times for a baby being changed but it's not the fault of the parent it's the fault of the designer that put them together. I certainly wouldn't get angry with the parent. Much more likely to coo over the cute baby.

@Huffletuff do you expect people to just leave their babies outside

@sausagesaremyfave

I suggest you look at previous threads that describe in great detail about how entitled parents should not use disabled toilets. There are many, many reasons. It's different if the disabled toilet contains the baby change unit. A sole disabled toilet though. No. It shouldn't happen. Having a baby is not a disability.

huffletuff, you're actually wrong there. There is very much a movement towards them being 'accessibility' toilets which are for anybody who has extra accessibility requirements and not just disabilities. And yes this does often include parents of small children. In some places they are even installing accessible pram toilets (for example the Glades in Bromley). It actually makes good business sense that a resource isn't lying empty and unused when it could make other customers lives easier.

The point of disability toilets was never to mean there was no waiting anyway, it was to provide the necessary space and adjustments. The expectation a disabled person should never have to wait has been a by product which has now become a bit of an unjustified expectation.

As a disabled person, I completely disagree. Make accessible toilets for parents with prams, by all means. Disabled toilets are for disabled people. If you've ever soiled yourself in a shop because someone has been using a disabled toilet due to having a pram, then you'd understand.

Exactly huffle

The two should be kept separate (obviously having a changing table in to allow disabled parents to change nappies but that's different) having them combined does make life much harder for the very people they are designed to help.

Just like I would never use a changing places toilet with DS when a standard disabled toilet is available because he doesn't require the extra facilities in them so it would be wrong to use it and stop others with a genuine need accessing it.

Not sure why I'm going to bother commenting because any time a topic comes to this it becomes a bun fight.

But anyway, my friend has a child with particular SEND needs. He wears child nappies/pullups. She uses the accessible toilet for him because his buggy is obviously big enough for a child with additional needs. Someone may see her leaving the toilet with him and feel compelled to judge because they 'dont look disabled enough' for somebody's spidey senses, but they are perfectly right to be using it and she shouldn't have to disclose to someone outside that her child is registered disabled just to stop people judging.

Another friend if mine is allowed to use the accessible toilet. She doesn't look disabled. She's had loads of filthy looks from people and sarcastic comments like "it's a good job I didn't have an accident" because obviously these people have a 6th sense that means they 'know' if someone is actually disabled.

Disabled toilets are accessible toilets. They are not 'you shouldn't have to wait' toilets.

No, I don't think people with prams should be using them if there's an alternative, but I work on the principle that most people aren't dicks and it's not my place to decide on the worthiness of strangers.