Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU or was this woman over the disabled toilet/baby changing room?

78 replies

Tressium · 26/08/2017 18:13

This happened earlier and I'm still mulling it over. I think the woman was incredibly cheeky and rude.

The baby changing and disabled toilet are rolled into one and require a radar key to access. Was given key, then almost finished and was just washing my hands when I could hear somebody fumbling with the lock. They then opened the door (I have no idea why the use of another radar key overrides it being unlocked from the inside - it seems a ridiculous design). I'd been about to use the toilet myself, it had a special little chair to strap your child into so you could go to the toilet without holding them, but when I heard the door being messed with realised either a disabled person or another parent needs the room so I'll just leave. Bloody glad I didn't as it opened onto the entire corridor! Anyway, when the woman opened the door, she didn't apologise and close the door, she looked me up and down with a look of disgust on her face, closed the door slightly to see what symbols it had on it, then re-opened it, glared some more and said "are YOU DONE Angry" in a really angry tone. Wtf?! I was quite shocked. I don't know why disabled toilets and baby changing facilities are lumped in together, but that's the fault of the designer, not mine for using it. I was actually just getting ready to leave anyway and a bit gobsmacked so said yes. She then stood right in the doorway glaring at me and shaking her head in disgust, right in my way so I'd have to squeeze past her while she glared in my face. She was taller than me and intentionally sticking her face forwards towards me, following me around her as I left the room, almost like squaring up to someone and getting in their face, if that makes sense. I didn't think there was much point saying anything, and I also have her the benefit of the doubt and thought she might have a disability which means she desperately needs the toilet now so I'll let it go.

But I'm still a bit shocked about it now. I couldn't imagine ever opening the door to a toilet, finding somebody in there and doing anything other than instantly shutting it and apologising, let alone behaving aggressively towards them. So... WIBU?

OP posts:
Huffletuff · 27/08/2017 16:02

Moot point. Your friend and friend's child are disabled. Someone able with a buggy is not. Therefore they shouldn't use it. End of.

MaisyPops · 27/08/2017 16:07

huffle
I've said that I don't think buggies should be using it unless there's no reasonable alternative.

But both my friends have been on the receiving end of judgey comments, sneery looks etc from people waiting for the accessible loo because they've had to wait (and have decided that my friends aren't really disabled enough).

I'm just saying that we won't know by looking at someone whether they have the right to be using it or not and the point of accessible toilets is they are accessible facilities not 'you don't have to wait' facilities.

Someone leaving with a buggy may have a hidden disability (like my friend if she goes on to have children) or they might be an inconsiderate person. I'd rather not make that judgement on strangers.

Spikeyball · 27/08/2017 16:10

"A lot of places are changing the signs to 'accessible' and reminding people you often can't see a disability."

I find the signage on those toilets annoying. The 'not every disability is visible' is fine but putting the generic male and female symbols on them means that some people treat them like just another toilet.

HemiDemiSemiquaver · 27/08/2017 16:19

What about when there is one larger cubicle at the end of a long row of ordinary size ones, and a long queue of people waiting - what's the best thing to do then? I've tried to leave that cubicle free, but people behind me in the queue will often get impatient and it usually ends up with people just using it in turn. I presume that if someone came to the front of the queue and seemed to indicate they wanted to use that one, people would automatically let them go next, but they'd still end up waiting for whoever was in there to finish. And when the toilets are in a place where there is some pressure for time (eg during an interval or something), I can see where the frustration of people back in the queue comes from. I'm not sure how to encourage the larger cubicle to be left free in that sort of instance.

Autofillcontact · 27/08/2017 16:24

People always use the example of those with disabilities needing the loo instantly otherwise they will
Soil themselves (therefore backing up the idea that they should never have to wait).
out of interest how likely is it that someone will be in this situation AND unable to use a normal toilet cubicle? Because I am aware it will happen, it may even be fairly common in the small minority of the population who are disabled.

But I struggle to believe it's common enough to fuel demand for enough accessible toilets so that no disabled person ever has to wait?

My DF has a radar key and uses disabled loos. He had prostate cancer so his urine can be hard to control. Use of a disabled loo is advantageous because they're often close by compared to normal loos (ie...not upstairs) but he wouldn't wait for one, he would make his way to the nearest available loo.

I'm not saying everyone is like my DF, before I get jumped on. Just giving an example.

Spikeyball · 27/08/2017 16:43

Some older children and adults who are incontinent can become very distressed including challenging behaviour, if their soiled pad is not changed quickly. This would need to be done in an accessible toilet.

Huffletuff · 27/08/2017 16:52

When you're changing bags and pads, there is no room in a normal toilet. Plus people can hear/smell it, which is distressing.

Sirzy · 27/08/2017 16:53

People who are at risk of toilet accidents also need to be able to access water to clean up and space to change so for many yes the disabled toilet is the only option.

spikey I agree with you about the new signage- although the intentions are good sadly it plays straight into the hands of those who can't see why people with disabilities need the few toilets they can actually use left alone by those who aren't disabled.

Autofillcontact · 27/08/2017 17:11

Yes of course any of us who soil themselves would prefer a large self contained cubicle with a sink as well as a loo. That's not a reason to build enough loos to ensure a disabled person never has to wait surely?

I suffered IBS throughout my 20s. I crapped myself everywhere. I know how humiliating and terrifying it is. But a loo reserved for me whenever I might've needed it (i.e. Not used by a baby or a disabled person without continent issues) isn't realistic is it? Surely people can see the difference

Autofillcontact · 27/08/2017 17:12

(The need for privacy when another adult is changing a pad is of course understandable)

Sirzy · 27/08/2017 17:19

Being able to protect someone's dignity is very much a reason for people to not use a facility they don't need!

Autofillcontact · 27/08/2017 17:22

I agree but I'm struggling to see the line or invisable rules. My DF- above- uses disabled loos. He will
Take a very long time in them, because part of his condition is it takes absolutely ages to do a normal pee (I'm talking 10+ minutes) he's perfectly capable of walking to a non disabled loo. Should he hand back his radar key? What is actually being suggested in this thread?

Spikeyball · 27/08/2017 17:24

I don't think anyone is asking for a toilet just for their own use. They are asking that those who don't need a disabled toilet to not use it.

Sirzy · 27/08/2017 17:36

The thread is simply saying don't use a disabled toilet if you don't have a disability which effects your ability to access the normal toilet or means you need to extra facilities in the disabled toilet.

If the only baby change is in the disabled toilet then that is rubbish planning and of course people will need to use it for that purpose. However that doesn't make disabled toilets a free for all for anyone with a pram/shopping/suitcases (all justifications used previously on these threads) or just can't be bothered to wait!

Autofillcontact · 27/08/2017 17:43

But surely someone like my DF would be better to listen to his consultant who arranges for him
To be a user of disabled loos than say, you? No offence but why would he?

Sirzy · 27/08/2017 17:44

Who has said he can't use them? Hmm

You seem to be after an argument that nobody is making!

Autofillcontact · 27/08/2017 17:47

Because he can go to a normal loo. And a PP said very clearly above that they needed the disabled loo IMMEDIATELY when they soil themselves

Kpo58 · 27/08/2017 17:48

Shopping/Suitcases are definitely not a reason to use a disabled toilet.

Is it really justifiable to make all parents with babies/young toddlers to always have a chaperone, wet themselves or loose their dignity having to use the loo in front of the rest of the public in the toilets just because there isn't a cubicle large enough to fit them and a pushchair?

Huffletuff · 27/08/2017 17:53

If you can use a normal toilet why wouldn't you?

Sirzy · 27/08/2017 17:56

for some people that will come down to a judgement call based on what the set up is like. So someone with urgency problems could use the normal toilet if it was the closest free toilet but otherwise would need the disabled.

Same if someone has mobility problems - they may be able to generally access the normal toilets but when they are downstairs they can't.

Other people will always need the disabled toilet for whatever reason.

Most people don't need to use the disabled toilet and therefore shouldn't!

InvisibleCities · 27/08/2017 17:57

the adult thing to do would've been to ask her what the problem is.

The adult thing to do is ignore the aggressive person, leave, and let them to stew in their own fury - don't give them an opportunity to become more aggressive.

Autofillcontact · 27/08/2017 18:09

Huffle- because it's further away?!

Sirzy agreed most people don't need disabled loo. That's why there is often 1 of them to many normal loos, and why companies stick their baby change in there

Pollydonia · 27/08/2017 18:14

The Asda by me has an excellent system, gents, ladies, 2 disabled & a child friendly room, which has 2x baby change , a small " kiddie" loo ( in a cubicle) and a double size adult cubicle.

Mittens1969 · 27/08/2017 18:19

I always used to hate having to use disabled facilities for baby change, I used to worry that a disabled person would need the toilet. I'm very glad that phase of my life is over! But we can't help it that there is nowhere else to change a nappy, as is often the case.

But that woman was very rude, OP. I really don't get why she didn't just apologise, shut the door and wait.

Sayyouwill · 27/08/2017 18:32

My local shop has a 3 in 1! Disabled toilet with baby changing facilities and a chair for feeding.
When I very first was breastfeeding I would want privacy but felt awful having to use this facility. In fact, it was because of this that I just started feeding in public.