To think 30's is TOO FUCKING LATE to start having a great life, from scratch?

[NoHopeNoHow]

It's all over really, isn't it?

I've done nothing. No career, no kids, can't even get through a postgraduate degree. All my life is or has been is sickness, dysfunctional family, depression, bullying, failing failing failing at everything. I try stuff and always fail BECAUSE I AM NO FUCKING GOOD.

Had such huge dreams of a career and having children. It's too late. There's just something wrong with me.

I hate everything about my life right now. I hate the endless trips to hospital for tests, hate talking to medical people, hate job hunting which is pointless because all jobs I can realistically aim for are little over min wage so will never allow me independence from the state aka housing benefit. I hate the disgusting shithole I live in with slugs in the kitchen cupboards and people taking my stuff and the creepy live in landlord.

No it's not too late, bless you you poor thing.

Do you have any family or friends you can chat to?

Maybe see a doctor to be referred to a counsellor, you sound very depressed my lovely.

Wish I could say more. Your post is very sad. I am so sorry.

The way the current pension age is going, you've got the best part of 40 years to make some sort of career for yourself.

There is nothing wrong with you either.

Good luck and happiness just hasn't found you yet.

What about looking for a job like where you live in? A cruise ship? Or in a holiday camp? Or as a holiday rep? In a hotel? Where you could meet new people, have fun, be busy and active so you can take your mind off things. You may even meet a partner.

Sorry, not much help, just throwing stuff out there.

Exactly. You'll be working into your 70s so plenty of time to find something you enjoy.

OP...you could still have a "great" life - just perhaps not the great life that you envisioned ? Would you really feel any better if you had an amazing career and kids - because generally speaking everybody has parts of their life they regret or wish to change.

You could still have kids in your thirties, or forties (I'm late thirties and lots of people I went to school with have had their first children in the past couple of years). A great job could come along...I had a minimum wage job at 28, and within a few years had worked into a different career (using qualifications obtained in my twenties) and now earn a decent wage.

Don't be so hard on yourself for not getting to where you want to be yet. Although you may feel that you have limitations due to your age, you never know what could happen. I know its difficult when you feel you are in a rut, but try to be more positive - take hold of your future and take risks and grab opportunities (however meaningless you think they are). Please don't write yourself off .

Pension age being what it is yes we will have to work for longer but mid thirties is too late to re train in something lucrative or interesting, as far as I can see.

I would love to sell my few possessions and go travelling round very cheap countries for a year to try to clear my head but I can't. I am not medically fit to do that alone, and if I leave the country for 28 days I will lose my PIP.

I just feel like drinking tbh. I want to not feel anything.

Big big unmumsnetty hugs. For some reason, some people really seem to have it harder and find life harder than others and when you're in those low moments, it is a horrible feeling. But take each day at a time. Try to set some short term, achievable goals. Try to find space in each day to find something that brings you peace or contentment - even if it's just watching the sunset through your window. Each day just keep moving forward, and one day things will be different for you. You are not no good. That I can promise you. Bad things might have happened to you but they do not define who you are.

Don't drink. Force yourself not to. Go to bed early instead. Drinking will help for a few hours but will only make you feel worse about yourself and what you can achieve tomorrow. It will be ok. This too shall pass.

OP I went to university aged 30. History of long term illness and financial problems really had an impact on my twenties, no it's not too late at all! Go for it , although you sound incredibly sad it's fantastic that you're thinking positively enough to consider taking active steps!

There are steps you can take to change your living situation. That is not the issue. The issue is that you are feeling like this and that is clouding your thoughts. As part of your medical conditions treatment are you accessing mental health support? If not please request it. Chronic/long term illness is often comorbid with depression and other MH issues. Because long term illness in itself is bloody depressing. Please reach out for support. You are not worthless OP and you deserve support and help as much as the next person.

God no. At the end of my 30s I was unemployed, severely depressed, drowning in debt & in a crap relationship.

Realising how close I was to a second suicide attempt galvanised me into changing things. I got out, moved in with friends, managed to get an internship & then temp work in the industry I wanted to get into & built up from there.

Early 40s, life has never been better, honestly. I moved into a flat last month, debts are mostly paid off, I've been off the anti-depressants for a year now & I'm building a career I love. I admit I'm not interested in the having children bit but really, don't assume there's no hope.

I can't go back to university, I don't trust myself. I've registered for a particular postgraduate programme many, many times and kept having to drop out - homelessness, health, terminal illness in my immediate family, sexual assault, losing a job and having no money. There's always some fire to fight and if I was NORMAL FUNCTIONAL ADULT I'd cope with the various life shit, and still have got the degree, and be doing a proper job in something I love by now.

But my head is so messed up I and I freeze and can only handle a max of two big problems alongside my health at any one time.

It's a mess.

Brilliant success stories here OP. It's not the end for you.

It's not too late to turn things around! Infertility meant my kids didn't come along till I was 36 and 38. I know someone who completely changed her job in her mid 40's, from working in an office for someone else to opening her own photography business, which is so busy she has to turn down work and still manages to go on exotic holidays every year now. I know another woman who joined SW and lost over 20 stone.

I don't know who has made you feel so badly about yourself, but the first thing I would do in your place is cut them out of my life!! If you have no career at the moment and no kids yet there's nothing holding you where you are. Are you able to move town/city?

I do think, from what you've written, that you are depressed. I recognise the feelings of being utterly worthless. Well, something can be done about that. You need to see your doctor, maybe a counselor?

It is not too late, and you deserve more, and you still have time to make your dreams come true.

My rock bottom was taking a huge overdose of all my medication several years ago. This isn't rock bottom, and I never want to go back there.

I just need to train myself to accept I can't have what I want.

Sorry not ignoring posts I need to read them, the thread has moved faster than I realised.

Are you on anti depressants at the mo?

Handling two big problems plus your health at any one time sounds like plenty for a functional adult.

I feel for you. I spent 8 years of my 30s disabled with CFS/ME. Have managed to claw my way back to health, but it has been like climbing Everest with no equipment or back-up. It is really, really shit, isn't it? The poverty, the lack of opportunity, the lack of help. Watching everyone else get on with life while you are being held back.

You sound very down, and it's perfectly understandable that you should be so. Is there any help or support you can access? Any way of training/working at all, so you can work up to a better paid job? Sorry if these are insensitive questions, it's hard to know what to suggest without knowing your symptoms.

One thing, though, is that you are NOT 'no fucking good'. Anybody battling chronic illness at your age is already proving themselves stronger than most others your age. It is also definitely not too late for you. You never know what's around the corner.

Some fantastic successes here, now I have read them. Thank you very much for sharing them with me. It's always uplifting to hear about people who use their sheer determination and talents to get out of a shit situation.

I've been a primary school teacher for 20 years. Now retraining as a breastfeeding counsellor in my early 40s.

Never too late until you are dead, tbh.