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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU to have one small beer at 5 weeks pregnant?

398 replies

BlackberryQ · 26/08/2017 16:36

It's a lovely wedding celebration outside on a hot day. How much harm could it do?

I'm on the fence and you can talk me out of it if it's really a bad idea!

OP posts:
Thread gallery
6
RebornSlippy · 26/08/2017 18:10

OK, I've taken back my flounce to address @Heteronormative. I'm sorry for your losses. I share your experiences to a lesser extent. I am no stranger to the world of infertility and loss.

I blamed myself. In those early hours and days, I did. I racked my brain trying to think what I did, what I didn't do, what I could have done. This, I have since come to learn, is quite normal for women who experience multiple miscarriages. I'm glad you didn't experience that. It is a devastating place to be. I don't blame myself any more though. It wasn't my fault, I know that now. But that place of self blame was my first and go-to place to be.

Just because you didn't, doesn't mean others don't or won't. My 'what if' advice, as you put it is something I have seen over and over again, personally and professionally.

TestTubeTeen · 26/08/2017 18:12

I went to my GP panicking when I realised I was 8 weeks pg because I had been drinking , not getting drunk or living like an alcoholic but 2 or 3 glasses of wine a day. She said 'oh, for heavens sake, how do you think many pregnancies originate if not while drunk?'.

I stopped drinking then, one a week in 3rd trimester, but stopped worrying. All was well.

Spudlet · 26/08/2017 18:12

There was a quite nice alcohol free wheat beer that I used to have, it was just from the supermarket. But one isn't likely to hurt. I certainly had the odd glass of wine here and there. And at five weeks I didn't even know I was pregnant and was regularly having a couple of glasses of wine or a couple of beers.

Crumbs1 · 26/08/2017 18:13

Not so long ago nobody even knew they were pregnant at 5 weeks and drank much more than one small beer. FAS is related to heavy, regular drinking and one beer will do no harm.

HeteronormativeHaybales · 26/08/2017 18:13

I'm sorry too that you've been there, Reborn. It's crap, as you know. And I'm sorry you blamed yourself. Of course I asked myself what was 'wrong with me' that I had had so many, but blame exactly, no. The responses and assumptions of others were the hard bit (aside from the actual loss) for me.

The thing is, I don't think it's helpful to issue advice based on whether someone might blame themselves. I think we need to be as clear as possible to women who suffer losses that in almost all cases there is nothing whatsoever they could possibly have done to prevent it. (I always found Lesley Regan's book does that very helpfully and sensitively but directly).

RebornSlippy · 26/08/2017 18:14

@sparechange, no you've posted a picture of a reference list from the back of an unidentified book. Or am I missing a post somewhere? Where, pray tell, is this current and seminal piece of work advising the world that alcohol is safe in pregnancy?

expatinscotland · 26/08/2017 18:14

'Surely part of the attraction of a beer is the physical effect of even one.'

Erm, no, some people truly enjoy the taste of beer or ale. They don't drink to get drunk or for the 'physical effect' but because they like the taste of it. There's a whole world of beer and ale connoisseurs and brewers who do it as a hobby for the enjoyment of it. Imagine! Hmm

sparechange · 26/08/2017 18:16

Yeah, reborn
You've missed a post Hmm

DermotOLogical · 26/08/2017 18:21

Reborn you are insane.

One alcoholic drink will not harm a foetus one bit.

Sustained heavy drinking will.

Check your facts before you dole out shit advice.

ethelfleda · 26/08/2017 18:23

It's been a while since a post like this has popped up and is very interesting... I'm 29 weeks tomorrow (our first) and remember saying to DH while we were trying that if I was having a low risk pregnancy and felt fine that I would have a very small glass of wine on my birthday (I was about 16 weeks then) but I didn't. Today we celebrated our 1st year wedding anniversary by going back to where we got married for lunch and I really fancied a small glass of prosecco... but again I didn't. And I'm still telling myself that when I go on holiday in a few weeks that I will have a very small glass of red.. but I bet I won't. I can't figure out why really - I would never ever judge anyone else for doing it and I say to the OP - have a beer if you feel OK about it. But even though I'm having a very very straight forward pregnancy with no problems I don't feel right about it. Almost like I am tainting it or something!! I don't know what my point is really - that maybe I have been brainwashed in to feeling bad about it when I've been having 2 cups of coffee a day with no problems! And ive certainly not wrapped myself in cotton wool in any other way - still exercising and lifting boxes and other fairly heavy bits while we decorate the house etc etc
Actually, this thread is making me lean a tiny bit towards having a small drink!

Hope you have a nice day whatever you decide to do OP

TwoKidsAndCounting · 26/08/2017 18:24

Oh for god sake, yes, why you would come on here and ask that is questionable in itself! 1 beer isn't going to do any har.

JigglyTuff · 26/08/2017 18:25

Reborn - I don't have to interact with you to read your posts. You are often unkind to OPs - it's an observation.

Emily Oster wrote the book that sparechange linked to - she is a phenomenal brain en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emily_Oster who has worked tirelessly to debunk a lot of myths around women's health

I have also suffered miscarriage. I know it's absolutely horrible but peddling untruths to frighten women is not helpful to any of us

TiramisuQueenoftheFaeries · 26/08/2017 18:25

Are you a regular poster? Because if you are, and you're the one I think you might be, I wouldn't, because I don't think your relationship with alcohol is great at the moment.

If none of this means anything to you I'm mistaken and I apologise.

VinIsGroot · 26/08/2017 18:28

I found out I was pregnant late with DS1.... Think later than 20 weeks. In that time I had got married, went on all inclusive holiday ..had the have fir said holiday, ate and drank what I wanted as I wasn't pregnant as far as I knew. DS1 was born day before due date 6lb 2oz (my biggest) . He does have HF autism but that's a genetic thing .... Two with autism both boys one severe one HF..... DS2 I knew from the second and did everything by the book.....he has severe disabilities!!!
A beer will not harm you....have lots of water and food too!

user1473602935 · 26/08/2017 18:29

It's fine! Just don't do it on an empty stomach or beck it!

sparechange · 26/08/2017 18:31

reborn
I'm sorry for your losses. I've had several myself, including a still birth (incidentally after a pregnancy where I didn't drink a drop of alcohol)
I also wracked my brains thinking what I could have done, and was also able to have time with one of Europe's best fetal medicine consultants to discuss my fears.
He made it very clear that it was nothing I had done, and nothing I could have done differently. Sometimes, nature gets it wrong

While I understand your dispair, you are so so wrong to perpetuate the idea this is normal and right.
We shouldn't be lying to women about risks just to make them and you feel better if something goes wrong.
We shouldn't be perpetuating the idea that a miscarriage is because the mother did something wrong because that only leads to bullshit controlling of women

I appreciate you are making your argument from a place of good intentions but you are very wrong on every level, both morally and scientifically

Incidentally, I'm currently 20 weeks pregnant and Back under the care of the very same Fetal Medicine consultant, and have been since I was 6 weeks
When I told him I was going on holiday when I was about 11 weeks, he told me he had been to the same place and to enjoy the local wine.
I can give you his name if you want to rant at how wrong and dangerous he is too...

RebornSlippy · 26/08/2017 18:32

@sparechange, oh yeah, see it now. One page, from one book, by one author. LOL at a "Harvard Professor". Wow! I was expecting a Cochrane Review the way you were going on. No such Cochrane Review exists by the way. Because the research isn't out there.

@Dermot, shit advice? Really? Standard advice as recommended by HCPs actually.

If your midwives/obstetricians/GPs are telling you any different, they are not advising you correctly or as per current guidelines. NICE guidelines currently state that alcohol should be avoided in first trimester. They say that is should be no more than 1-2 units,1-2 times per week thereafter should they choose to drink.

We have been informed that these guidelines are being put under revision and that advice will be to abstain. That is the advice we have been told to offer presently. That is the advice I give. Note the word advice. Not force. Not scaremonger. Give the advice, let you go home and you get to choose.

www.nice.org.uk/advice/lgb6/chapter/facts-and-figures

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm sure there's a breastfeeding thread around somewhere that I'll not be able to stay away from too.

RebornSlippy · 26/08/2017 18:34

And @sparechange, I'm very sorry for your loss. It must have been devastating. Good luck with the remainder of your pregnancy.

RebornSlippy · 26/08/2017 18:36

Oh and I should point out that I am based in Ireland in case the UK system is still using these NICE Guidelines when advising on alcohol consumption antenatally.

pigeondujour · 26/08/2017 18:39

Jesus. Well spotted, Tiramisu. Come on OP, you can talk me out of it if it's really a bad idea? Since when has that been true?

sparechange · 26/08/2017 18:40

reborn Amazing, isn't it, that highly educated doctors with years of research behind them, might see fit to give their advice based on science rather than on social economics Hmm

Can you really, really not accept the science on this, and comprehend why people want to believe the science?
You seem to be angry that evidence contradicts what you want to believe

RebornSlippy · 26/08/2017 18:40

@Jiggy... ah, it's the word unkind that's making me think... Athens? Now, now, you shouldn't allow my opinions on one thread to colour your opinion about me forever. Ok, so now two threads, but you know what I mean. Next week we might have a meeting of minds on a mother baby parking thread. Swings and roundabouts!

And sorry for your loss too. God, there's a lot of us here, eh? But no, there are no untruths being pedalled here.

MuddlingThrough1724 · 26/08/2017 18:41

I would recommend the book "Expecting Better" which addresses all sorts of questions like this. I read it at about 38 weeks pregnant then discovered that from evidence, I could have been eating and drinking all sorts of things I had spend 38 weeks avoiding!

SpunBodgeSquarepants · 26/08/2017 18:41

Am I right in thinking the foetus is living off the yolk sac still at this stage?

I had roughly a pint of cider a week whilst I was pregnant. My son turned out fine!

grandOlejukeofYork · 26/08/2017 18:42

REborn, you really need to try and understand that guidelines are not laws, and this instance are no grounded in science of any kind. You can't just keep parroting the guidelines as if they actually mean anything. They don't.