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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be fed up of Instamums

999 replies

Hmmmmx100 · 25/08/2017 22:56

I followed a few of the more well-known Instamums but got weary of the constant daily barrage of brand endorsements. I can't relate to people on £100k a year in Farrow & Ball houses. I just can't. So I had to unfollow em all, every one. AIBU to feel a bit miffed that these people are using the idea of sisterhood to make money? They're not our friends, they're just there to sell us stuff that we probably don't need anyway.

OP posts:
Boredboredboredboredbored · 02/09/2017 12:08

langkaw Sat 02-Sep-17 11:44:52
Someone has said on flex appeals comments that this thread is awful and there's that old chestnut about mums need to support each other/haters are jealous etc. It annoys me when criticism is shut down like that. The whole 'all women should support each other' is as one dimensional as the old chauvinistic ' put up and shut up'

I think this thread is important and insightful. Social media brand promotion is relatively new and raises issues that need to be discussed.

Yes yes to this. You put yourself out there to the masses and people will form an opinion, it may not be one you want to hear but it does not mean its not a valid point. People arent jealous or haters they just may not agree with selling your kids as a product.

TealStar · 02/09/2017 12:18

Agree bored. I have a very 'instagrammable' life and family, and given the industry I work in, I could easily max it up to the masses. However my privacy, and that of my family, is more important. I don't need likes, freebies, or gushing comments to feel validated. A little more money would be nice (wouldn't it always Smile) but I wouldn't trade my freedom and personal life for any amount.

So no, it's not jealousy, just a concern for the effects that all this is having in the way in which we seem to be moving forward as a human race! I sometimes despair for the generation that is growing up in this world. A generation of societal pressure compounded by social media. It wouldn't surprise me if there's a massive knee-jerk to all of this one day. Perhaps our grandchildren, sick of living so publicly, will return to a more 'earthy' life that is in tune with actual reality and where privacy once again becomes sacred.

Mumsytomy · 02/09/2017 12:21

It's also interesting how many famous people these days limit what is seen of their children or keep them private and yet this trend is using often the children for increased fame, this surely will impact on their school lives etc. I think this discussion has been really relevant as I follow a number of accounts and there's been a big change.

BubbleAnimal · 02/09/2017 12:24

Yes Mumsy. I mentioned it upthread, but accounts like Fearne who don't feature their childrens face etc

Elephantsahoy · 02/09/2017 12:32

I hate the fact people dismiss any criticism as "jealousy".

It really isn't in my case.

Day3Blues · 02/09/2017 12:33

Yes I agree this is a new era of 'celeb' and if you want to gain followers and live your life totally under the microscope (down to your children's visit to a&e or giving birth) than you can't complain when people form an opinion on you.
Pretty much everyone here is saying that they follow or used to follow these people and enjoyed it for what it is but it has snowballed in the last year or so into a totally different beast.

I do enjoy Instagram and do have a public profile with the odd hash tag but that isn't to gain followers, but to connect with like minded people (a bit like on mumsnet really). I enjoy the smaller profiles and sharing in interests and enjoy getting the odd comment from like minded individuals. However I could find it very strange indeed to suddenly have all these thousands of followers suddenly gushing and expecting content.

All this 'women sticking together' is nonsense and actually we are not trolling them we are simply discussing the content they put out there.

Mumsytomy · 02/09/2017 12:38

Bubble although I am becoming a little over-fearned 😂
So far I've been inundated with
Fearne's make up
Fearne's cook book
Fearne's next cook book
Fearne's Happy book
Fearne's baby yoga book
Fearne briefly ad-big Huggies wipes
Fearne designing kids clothes
Fearne and Cath Kidston
Fearne's garnier and boots make up bags
Fearne's Very furniture

I've started to feel bloody inadequate and wondered if it's just me or is there nothing she doesn't do!

But as far as her kids, it is just her account she's not using them and so respect to her as she could easily.

Elephantsahoy · 02/09/2017 12:40

I feel bad as I think Fearne cotton is probably a lovely person but she does my head in

BubbleAnimal · 02/09/2017 12:45

Elephant I felt like that, until I followed her on Instagram and saw a different side to her. She's built an amazing empire of Fearne business ( as Mumsy lists) but she seems genuinely nice, and clearly adores her kids, without being patronising. I also love her step daughter relationship.

Elephantsahoy · 02/09/2017 12:58

I DO follow her on Instagram Blush

CheesehBox · 02/09/2017 12:59

I love Marthas Happily Ever After, there is now Mr Happily Ever After (her husband) who also is a lovely hands on Dad.

Martha is just so real, no fakeness and she's beautiful!

EdinaMonsoon · 02/09/2017 13:15

There is a very clear difference between bitching & valid criticism & I think this thread, on the whole, has stuck to the latter.

Using children as insta-fodder & for financial/material gain isn't cool IMO. I'm also surprised how much over-sharing of personal info on the kids takes place. As others have said, it takes very little for friends of the kids to discover such posts & make them a target for unpleasant behaviour. I really like DMBL40 but recently I've come to question her decision to talk about Asperger's in posts featuring a photo of her son. My son at the same age would not have cared but at 17 he would be angry that I had ever shared that info publicly in a way that identified him. I get sharing on insta to find support/understanding which I believe is her goal. Just maybe rethink the right to privacy issues from the child's perspevtive.

Mumsytomy · 02/09/2017 13:15

🤔 I might have to change my name as Mumsy looks really smug now! It's actually what my eldest calls me taking the piss but seems a bit twee 😂

EdinaMonsoon · 02/09/2017 13:15

And I should stress: not accusing DMBL40 of using children for financial gain!! Just highlighting privacy issues.

acoupleofdaysago · 02/09/2017 13:16

It annoys me when criticism is shut down like that.

Yes. This. Just this.

Why should we not challenge?

And this 'We're all the same, all fighting the same battles, workin' mummas together...' is TOTAL BULLSHIT. The undercurrent of superiority, one upmanship and competitiveness in this instamum clan is undeniable.

Mumsytomy · 02/09/2017 13:18

Totally agree with that Edina, my older teens will not let me share or reference anything and are mortified if I do. I've stopped using Facebook and am very careful what is shared as they really don't like it at all. This thread is however making me question what I have shared!

EdinaMonsoon · 02/09/2017 13:21

Mumsytomy 😂 I was a bit 🤔 at the criticism upthread of the name "mama". As dutchies, I raised my kids to call me that even though we live in the UK. I can't bear "mummy" personally 😂

FuckingLoveCarbs · 02/09/2017 13:23

Edina, I don't like mama but only because I know the instamums who use it don't actually get called that by their children.

Mumsytomy · 02/09/2017 13:24

Edina I too thought mama was nicer than mummy due to family not from UK. I feel a bit funny now!

BubbleAnimal · 02/09/2017 13:24

I don't discuss DS1s ASD on Instagram. I do discuss my own health though. But that's my choice.

Life is hard enough for kids now. Adding stuff on public social media makes it harder.

I had a blog when I was trying to conceive, then after clomid worked, right up until DS was about one. Then I removed it all. It felt too much for him when he was older.

FuckingLoveCarbs · 02/09/2017 13:26

It's when people descrkbe themselves as mamas that irritate me. Like people who describe themselves as full time mummys.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 02/09/2017 13:30

Mama is one of those words that makes me want to slap my own face, it's so hideous.

Edina if that's the Dutch way that's different.

EdinaMonsoon · 02/09/2017 13:39

FuckingLoveCarbs Yes that is annoying & I agree that it's used in a very hashtaggy way which grates. It is very unusual to hear english people use Mama and it doesn't sound right to my ear. Total hypocrite though as I fully intend to steal the english "granny" when the time comes. Don't think I'll ever feel old enough to be an "Oma" 😂

Mothervulva · 02/09/2017 13:42

The word mama is fine for children to say, one of mine says it; it's the self administered title, I can't articulate it very well, but it jars me. Describing yourself as a mama. No.

Instagram can be really useful, I like looking at interiors to get ideas, local businesses to shop local, etc. I have friends who are adopting and they said following people further down the road has been very helpful.

EdinaMonsoon · 02/09/2017 13:53

MotherVulva yes completely agree with self-administered title. It is as though they believe it to be infinitely cooler than regular mum! I would never describe myself as a "mama". I would say I'm a mum.