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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Neighbours moved out without saying goodbye

98 replies

CommonFishDiseases · 25/08/2017 14:47

Our neighbours appear to have packed their stuff into a removal van and moved out today... Is it weird that they didn't pop round to say bye or even put a note through our door? Their house has been on the market for over a year (on-off process, sales falling through, etc). So we didn't know if/when they were moving out and we didn't want to keep asking for info as we felt it wasn't our business. Equally though it would be nice to know if someone new is moving in, and also wish the old neighbours well in their future plans. We've lived next door for 1.5 years and haven't had much to do with them, just attempted a friendly "hello" now and again. They were courteous but not overly friendly. We were nice neighbours, I think! Is this rude on their part or AIBU and precious?!

OP posts:

FloweryTeapot · 25/08/2017 15:05

18 months isn't long in the grand scheme of things, and if you didn't know them well then I think it's more odd to knock to say goodbye or stick a card through than it is not to.

I wouldn't be arsed either way. I wouldn't take it personally though.

itsatiggerday · 25/08/2017 15:07

Wow, glad we've always lived near friendlier people than those on this thread! But OP you're being a bit precious. If they'd been friends you'd be reasonable.

We've just moved, we consider meeting the neighbours part of setling in. So far met 3 of the 4 houses nearest (2 either side). Made friends with our neighbours in the 10 years in old house - all 5 sets of them in the one right next door. Still in touch with 3 of 5 of the families. When they've moved in the hello has ranged from borrowing a freezer in our garage while they waited for theirs to arrive to feeding their young kids at the end of a day of moving that had inevitably run much later than expected.

For those we've just left, we've been mutual key holders, their kids babysat ours, we looked after their dog and will visit them now that we've left. We couldn't have gone without saying goodbye. But it's a bit different than having barely spoken during 1.5 yrs....

FishFriedAubergine · 25/08/2017 15:07

A bit precious I think, you didn;t know each other very long and only said the occasional hello, it probably didn't even occur to them to go say goodbye when they barely talk to you and will be busy with moving stuff.

WhamBarsArentAsFizzyAsTheyWere · 25/08/2017 15:08

They are normal. I have rarely said goodbye to my neighbours when moving.

I can't even imagine how that conversation would go with people who do no more than walk past each other and say hello every now and then

Lilmisskittykat · 25/08/2017 15:09

I did wonder if you were my neighbour - I moved out recently and didn't knock on to say goodbye though we had small chats as we were moving stuff out cleaning etc.

Don't be offended.. moving out is so stressful and involved I'm pretty sure it was nothing personal x

Salmotrutta · 25/08/2017 15:10

I'd only expect neighbour's to properly say goodbye if they'd lived next door for years and I was in the habit of having the odd wee chat over the garden fence.

So yes OP you are being precious.

Salmotrutta · 25/08/2017 15:11

Sorry about the rogue apostrophe in "neighbours"

Original poster

CommonFishDiseases · 25/08/2017 15:12

Ha ha ok I'll consider myself told

I think we are just a really friendly family and come from warm or friendly cultures/backgrounds.

As for the stories about people getting burgled whilst on holiday, isn't that a reason to be on mutually helpful terms with your neighbours?! With our neighbours on the other side, we tell each other when we're going on holiday, they bring us bits from their garden, share our driveways when needed etc. It makes life a lot nicer

OP posts:

coddiwomple · 25/08/2017 15:16

It makes life a lot nicer very true, but if your old neighbours chose not to engage with the neighborhood, it makes sense they didn't feel the need to say good bye. I wouldn't bother if I just happen to live next to somebody, it's not like you are remote friends.

Neutrogena · 25/08/2017 15:24

@ OP I think we are just a really friendly family

You may think that but the neighbours certainly didn't.
They may well have despised you.

Glumglowworm · 25/08/2017 15:26

YABU

you're not friends, you barely say hello, they've got a million better things to do to move house

PollyFlint · 25/08/2017 15:29

CommonFishDiseases Yes, it is indeed nice, and useful. But that wasn't what you asked - you asked if it was unreasonable that they didn't say goodbye to you when you barely knew each other.

Nobody is saying people shouldn't be friends with their neighbours, they're just saying that expecting a fond farewell from people you'd barely spoken to and had only lived next to for a year was a bit weird.

RapunzelsRealMom · 25/08/2017 15:32

We moved out after 4 years without saying goodbye. NDN were an absolute pain for many reasons. She'd have said we were friends and I tried very hard to keep my distance. She was nosey and interfering and i knew it would really annoy her not to know anything about our move.

ifonly4 · 25/08/2017 15:33

We said goodbye to our neighbours as we'd always been quite chatty, also looked out for eachother and our houses - I even had the key to the ones we shared the drive with as did they - we still do as we're only two mins up the road.

On the other hand, when we moved into present house no one even knew it had been up for sale.

I guess everyone is different and it's how relevant someone is in your life.

Willow2017 · 25/08/2017 15:34

Aww you can be as friendly as you like with everyone else, which I am sure you are but you were not friends with them, you barely said Hello.

Why on earth would they think you were expecting a grand goodbye?

FeelingAggrieved · 25/08/2017 15:34

Unless you were friends then I don't think it matters.

minionsrule · 25/08/2017 15:36

Wish my neighbours would move out..... or if not at leadt stop their bloody kid bashing his football at the fence panels. If they came to say bye i would say good riddence

roloisking · 25/08/2017 15:39

The family I bought my house from left without giving anyone their forwarding address or saying goodbye. They had been fairly active in the village (brownie leader and on various committees) and several people expressed surprise about their "disappearance". I can only presume that they wanted a completely fresh start

NOMOREoatcakesandcheese · 25/08/2017 15:44

When we moved we told the neighbours on one side and various other people in the cul de sac but we didn't see our neighbour on our other side and she works shifts our paths hardly ever crossed although we were on good terms. Also because we were being messed about further down the chain we didn't know when we would be moving. Added to this we were both tired stressed etc with the whole process so not exactly sociable.

A few months after we'd moved we saw our neighbour who we'd not told in the park walking her dog, tried to speak to us and she ignored us and walked off. We'd obviously upset her. But life goes on - pastures new etc

NOMOREoatcakesandcheese · 25/08/2017 15:45

Speak to HER, not us

Letstryagainshallwe · 25/08/2017 15:47

Wow you really expected a goodbye?! I lived in my previous place for 6 years and never said goodbye to anyone. Never occurred to me to either.

Elendon · 25/08/2017 15:54

Both my next door neighbours came to say goodbye when I left.

The lovely ones gave me a card and a bottle of wine (which I didn't drink that night, too knackered). I did give them a big box of chocolates in return because my cat escaped and they looked after him - cat is safely back with us.

The other was a bit of a shit anyway and I was so pleased when he discovered that the black cat who was shitting in his garden, wasn't mine - shit next door neighbour used to post passive aggressive notes through the door and leave me bags of shit they had collected in their garden. Karma!

KitKat1985 · 25/08/2017 16:04

I think if you've only ever really been on 'nod hello' terms then it probably would have been a bit weird if they had popped over to say goodbye. But I do think they could have maybe put a note through your door or something, even it was just to warn you that you might have difficulty parking or something on x date as they were moving on that date and will have a removal van outside.

It would be different if you were close to your neighbours. We've been here about 6 and a half years and are fairly close to our neighbours (not popping over regularly for coffee type close, but have had quite a few chats over the years and we've helped each other out with bits and pieces like looking after pets whilst on holiday, so we've gotten quite friendly) and we're selling now for a bigger house. I sent our neighbour a message (via Facebook) before our house officially went on the market as I thought it would be a bit off for them to find out just by coming home one day and finding a 'for sale' board up outside our house. I'll probably pop a goodbye card through their door when we do finally go.

BeyondThePage · 25/08/2017 16:05

they probably sold to a developer, an airbandb landlord or a group of junkie party animals

imagining them... "keep your heads down and just leave, don't leave a forwarding address, they are going to HATE us"

scarletpopapil · 25/08/2017 16:07

I've moved a lot over the years and have only said goodbye to neighbours we've ended up being quite close to. I mean, I'd mention it if I bumped into people. But not go and knock, not unless I felt we knew each other better than just to say hello in passing.

Admittedly that's while renting. Now we've bought and I've gone out of my way to be friendly with the neighbours because I know we'll be here a while. But if their house has been on the market that long, I imagine they're quite emotionally checked out of the local area by now, and not really thinking about making social connections.

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