To think that my friend shouldn't be claiming benefits with what she already gets?

[Alison3939]

I have a friend who is a few years younger than me (she is 22) we have been friends for around 3 years now.

She has 2 children (aged 4 and 1) they both have different dads, her sons dad isn't involved at all but her daughters dad (the youngest) is very involved in their daughters life. She doesn't work and hasn't since she had her son at 18.

She claims income support, tax credits and full housing benefit (however her daughters dad pays £600 a month top up rent that hb doesn't cover so she can live in a nicer house) he pays her £300 a week in child support so £1200 a month. Aibu to think she is cheeky for getting this much and still claiming benefits? She has pretty much no outgoings because her rent, council tax etc is all paid for. She drives a Range Rover (on finance) she lives in a beautiful house and has pretty much everything she wants including regular cosmetic surgery. She in effect has £1200 disposable income a month.

Her daughters dad and her are not together, infact they hate each other but he supports his daughter nethertheless. He has an extremely good job and would do anything for his daughter.

I have asked her what she intends to do when she can't claim benefits anymore (when her youngest starts school) and her solution is she is just going to live off the child support and says she will still get help with her rent even if she doesn't get income support. I've asked her if she doesn't think it's cheeky to claim when she is getting so much and her response is "if the system doesn't count child support as income therefore what I'm doing isn't illegal then I may as well claim it"

Aibu? I feel perhaps I'm a little jealous as I work 30 hours a week on minimum wage, get very little in the way of benefits and I'm usually broke by the end of the month. I know it's a rare situation but surely the system should put something in place to stop people doing this.

YABU.
Mind your own business. My ex pays a lot in maintenance. But it still doesn't meet outgoings. Anyone on the outside might think the same as you, but until you're in the situation, you can piss off with your judgement.

I would suggest you look for ways to ameliorate your own situation if it's bothering you, rather than focusing on hers.

YANBU. She may not be doing anything illegal, but she's not playing fair with public money which could be far better spent. It's the same argument tax dodgers use - it's not their fault it's the system. Well yes, the system does need changing but no one is forced to claim what they don't need.

If you believe she is fraudulently claiming benefits then you should report her. If you're just pissed off that she's better off than you think she should be then you need to stay out of it.

You are always being unreasonable if you criticise someone's financial situation. It really and truly has nothing to do with you. Sometimes I feel like the underlying attitude to these threads is the idea that all single mums ought to be struggling and scraping by. Good for her and her children that she is financially comfortable, worrying about money when you have small children is the worst thing ever.

ameliorate

I love seeing words I've never seen before,

Yabu, why not commit your time and energy to make it illegal for NRP NOT TO PAY MAINTANCE. Maybe then we can talk until then you can't ask a parent tonne beholdent to an ex to feed their child.

Nope. No. Perfectly legal and okay. Father's income is deliberately not included. The money is for the CHILD, not her mother. And yes if the father is happy that includes allowing her mother and siblings to have a similar standard of living when she's with them, that is his business and nobody else's.

YABU. Would you rather watch her smugly as she struggled to put food on the table and scrape together rent, while you congratulated yourself on not being her?

I wouldn't personally report people but I would certainly be pissed off I'm paying taxes from my hard earned wages to someone who is defrauding the sytem so I don't think OP is being unreasonable AT ALL.
I am disabled, a blue badge holder but nonetheless work full time and I certainly can't afford a range rover on finance, my car was £600 off ebay.
I wish someone would give me benefits and all that money every month so I didn't have to work all day and go home to bed in agony every night.

Yanbu. There's no problem her being financially comfortable due to her ex partners contributions - that's their decision and nothing to do with anyone else. But claiming public money is other people's business. The tax/ benefits system sanitises what is people giving and taking money. If she were to knock on your door after payday and demand some of it, it would feel very unfair.

As pp have said, just because she can take it (and understandably does), doesnt mean it's fair

Oh yes and when I was a single mum I never claimed benefits or got maintenance. Some people should be ashamed with their "piss off judgement" comments.

She's maximising her household income. That is, the income that supports her children. They benefit from having a nice house to live in, a reliable car and a parent who is not under financial pressure. This will have a long lasting impact on their health, happiness, sense of security and even educational attainments. As such, she is right to do this.

To those saying even though it's not technically illegal its still unfair or whatever, I completely agree with Margaret.

The benefits are for the financial stability of the mother, she would, should and is entitled to that money given her circumstances. The fact that her ex chooses to give her enough money for the benefit of his DC and to allow them to live a similar lifestyle to what they would have had their parents stayed together, is just fortunate for her and irrelevant to her benefit claim.

Tortycat, the OP works part time in a minimum wage job. She isn't subsidising anyone. She probably isn't paying tax at all, and says she herself is claiming benefits (presumably tax credits).

She is just extremely fortunate that the first dad has done so well for himself that he can afford to pay her that much. Least one of her choices was good.

She'll get a short sharp shock when she has to start going to the job centre every week and be jumping through their hoops!

I work in benefis and we don't take child maintenance into account as it's for the child and if we did single parent (aka 99% of the time mother) would be in a very vulnerable situation as in current times the parent can seem to just not pay maintenance without any penalty how would the parent pay their bills and buy food then? It takes a few weeks to get a benefit claim set up and paid you know. This could also be used as financial abuse from their ex.

Her situation will only last for as long as her ex is able to pay that much. If his circumstances change so will hers and she could end up far worse off because she has got used to the maintenance and has no job to fall back on.

Be happy for your friend for finding a man who wants to support his child despite their break up.

Blimey I need her budgeting skills if she is buying range rovers and cosmetic surgery on that disposable income! Does she have any Savings? Sounds dicey to me...

Irritateduser the OP's friend isn't frauding. Child maintenance doesn't count as income and isn't taken into account for benefit claims.

YABU. Very.

She is at home with two young children. She gets the benefits she is entitled to and her ex partner pays the shortfall on her rent so that she and her children can live in a nice area. He also supports his child properly - why is that such an issue for you?

Perhaps you'd rather be struggling to pay the bills, living off £20 a week for food and nappies and then you could feel smug that you haven't had two children you can't support.

It's irrelevant what car she drives or what house she has or what she spends that money on. It's her money, not illegal, not immoral and it is really up to her whether she chooses to stay at home or go and get a job later on. Right now she has the option of staying at home with her children and that's fine.

And I'm bloody glad her ex is paying up. Too many men don't.

She is your friend you say rightyo I would hate to have a friend like you 😕

The dad could withdraw the money he gives any day. She is only claiming what the state is willing to provide to her.

perhaps you'd rather HER be