To think that my friend shouldn't be claiming benefits with what she already gets?

[Alison3939]

I have a friend who is a few years younger than me (she is 22) we have been friends for around 3 years now.

She has 2 children (aged 4 and 1) they both have different dads, her sons dad isn't involved at all but her daughters dad (the youngest) is very involved in their daughters life. She doesn't work and hasn't since she had her son at 18.

She claims income support, tax credits and full housing benefit (however her daughters dad pays £600 a month top up rent that hb doesn't cover so she can live in a nicer house) he pays her £300 a week in child support so £1200 a month. Aibu to think she is cheeky for getting this much and still claiming benefits? She has pretty much no outgoings because her rent, council tax etc is all paid for. She drives a Range Rover (on finance) she lives in a beautiful house and has pretty much everything she wants including regular cosmetic surgery. She in effect has £1200 disposable income a month.

Her daughters dad and her are not together, infact they hate each other but he supports his daughter nethertheless. He has an extremely good job and would do anything for his daughter.

I have asked her what she intends to do when she can't claim benefits anymore (when her youngest starts school) and her solution is she is just going to live off the child support and says she will still get help with her rent even if she doesn't get income support. I've asked her if she doesn't think it's cheeky to claim when she is getting so much and her response is "if the system doesn't count child support as income therefore what I'm doing isn't illegal then I may as well claim it"

Aibu? I feel perhaps I'm a little jealous as I work 30 hours a week on minimum wage, get very little in the way of benefits and I'm usually broke by the end of the month. I know it's a rare situation but surely the system should put something in place to stop people doing this.

Women can't financially be at the mercy of their ex, that's why it isn't counted.

I personally think she's behaving immorally to claim If she really doesn't need it. I receive a very good child maintenance from my exh and for a short time after splitting up didn't work. (I looked to find a job straight away despite not working for 3 years before). I didn't even consider claiming anything even though I was technically entitled to as I didn't need to. I think it's great we have a safety net there for people but I wouldn't want to use it if I could find anyway not to.

Having said that I think you need to be careful judging as you can't know all her circumstances

Don't worry, as soon as her ex meets someone else and has another kid, she will end up with the legal minimum, as his new partner will whine about him paying for his first family.

Then you can enjoy her misfortune.

Its pretty dodgy morally i think.

But hey she'll be fucked if she wants to maintain that standard of living once her kids have grown up unless she spends some of her free time and cash wisely.

I actually think the OP is the new woman....

It's annoying but it's their choice.

Isn't she committing fraud by claiming benefits on top of her income from her exes?

YANBU but it is the system and not your friend that is at fault.

Isn't she committing fraud by claiming benefits on top of her income from her exes?

No. Maintenance is deliberately not accounted for in these situations. Your income as an individual is separate precisely so women aren't forced into dependency on an ex.

So 'the system' is at fault for NOT keeping the children of single parents living in poverty?

Cannot understand why anyone would have a problem with children not growing up poor.

No, for making it more advantageous to claim than to work when you have kids.

£1200 after rent and council tax is not 'disposable income' tho

Disposable Income is what's left after you've bought/paid for Food, Gas, Electricity, Car, Car running costs inc fuel, non-food but essential groceries, basically anything that has to be paid (& can easily come to £300 pw/£1200 pcm).

Be livid that so many NRP parents do not pay child support; be livid at the utterly useless CSA; be livid that our minimum wage is low; be livid at many things but don't be livid at her - can you honestly say that in the same situation you're sure you wouldn't do what she is, perfectly legally, doing?

Wow. She's had a tough road already, no Dad's living with her, helping her bring the children up. I think single parents deserve a medal. It can't be easy at all. She will have had many hopes and dreams dashed, and probably carried pain from her past if not her current situation too. THe fact that one of the exes is a high earner and wants that level of involvement is a small silver lining in the big picture. I bet she'd trade it all for a job and a good relationship, and support bringing up her kids. The bottom line is, the system discounts maintenance (which can change at the drop of a hat too, by the way) and so she is doing nothing wrong. Other than mistaking you for a friend, it seems.

She drives a Range Rover (on finance)

I don't believe a word you've said about your friends car or anything else.

So go get you a sugar daddy, live off a man and see how it goes.

She can claim Jobseeker's Allowance after the child turns 5.

'Be livid that our minimum wage is low' ?! I live in a country where there are no benefits and no safety nets when you lose a job. I work for the equivalent of GBP14 a day for a 10 hour shift. We (as British Citizens) do not have a low minimum wage compared to most countries... I wish that I could afford to have children

Hypothetically, if the woman's ex was also her landlord, would she still be eligible for the same benefits? And hypothetically, he lives next door too? P̶l̶o̶t̶t̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶d̶e̶f̶r̶a̶u̶d̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶s̶y̶s̶t̶e̶m̶ Asking for a friend.

I fully don't believe you tbh, in part because 1200 after rent and council tax isn't enough for a range rover on finance without super scrimping elsewhere.

It has already been said, but there are very good reasons for maintenance not being counted towards benefits entitlement. The ex is paying to ensure his child has a decent home.

Gosh.
Ow do people do it?
All that money!
Damn.
You do sound jealous though.

Friend or foe?
Understandable to be concerned.
Can you ignore it?
Kick the thoughts out?
Even though it bugs you?
Really helps.

The point of maintenance being reflective of the payers income is that the child can also benefit from the father's (usually) good fortune and live a lifestyle in line with his earnings.

Why shouldn't his child live in similar surroundings to him? Also, if he decided to stop paying then there isn't much that can force him.

Yabu. She is claiming money she is entitled to. She has two young children so doesn't work.
I's say just mind your own business.

IrritatedUser, by "some people" you're obviously referring to me.
People have NO idea about others' situations.

I don't retract my statement. I've spent 9 years financially controlled (or financial abuse, as I now realise).

My youngest is too young to be in school. I can't find a job to fit into 2 hours, 4 days a week, when he's at preschool.
My ex's contribution is dependent on his work. It could decrease or stop at any time. It already doesn't cover outgoings, as I said.

As others have said, some people won't be happy until single parents are struggling and on the breadline.

And by the way, I do something (that sounds dodgy!) in those 2 hours, to try and make money. Which I declare.

How do you know that much about her finances cheeky mare