To think that my friend shouldn't be claiming benefits with what she already gets?

[Alison3939]

I have a friend who is a few years younger than me (she is 22) we have been friends for around 3 years now.

She has 2 children (aged 4 and 1) they both have different dads, her sons dad isn't involved at all but her daughters dad (the youngest) is very involved in their daughters life. She doesn't work and hasn't since she had her son at 18.

She claims income support, tax credits and full housing benefit (however her daughters dad pays £600 a month top up rent that hb doesn't cover so she can live in a nicer house) he pays her £300 a week in child support so £1200 a month. Aibu to think she is cheeky for getting this much and still claiming benefits? She has pretty much no outgoings because her rent, council tax etc is all paid for. She drives a Range Rover (on finance) she lives in a beautiful house and has pretty much everything she wants including regular cosmetic surgery. She in effect has £1200 disposable income a month.

Her daughters dad and her are not together, infact they hate each other but he supports his daughter nethertheless. He has an extremely good job and would do anything for his daughter.

I have asked her what she intends to do when she can't claim benefits anymore (when her youngest starts school) and her solution is she is just going to live off the child support and says she will still get help with her rent even if she doesn't get income support. I've asked her if she doesn't think it's cheeky to claim when she is getting so much and her response is "if the system doesn't count child support as income therefore what I'm doing isn't illegal then I may as well claim it"

Aibu? I feel perhaps I'm a little jealous as I work 30 hours a week on minimum wage, get very little in the way of benefits and I'm usually broke by the end of the month. I know it's a rare situation but surely the system should put something in place to stop people doing this.

Well exactly shaking if she really manages to get a Range Rover and cosmetic surgery on that budget she should be
A) chancellor of the exchequer
B) chief brexit negotiator

YABU.

My ex earns a lot, so he pays a decent amount of child maintenance.

You'd probably think I was taking the piss- I'm on benefits due to ill health/single mum. However, ex would LOVE it if I was completely reliant on him once more, due to the power it gives him, having been financially abusive (alongside other things). Men like him would abuse the system to make their ex's lives hell.

I dont believe the plastic surgery/fancy car thing either....

YANBU for feeling a bit hard done by. But there are often financial inequities in life that make us feel hard done by. To get over it you have to look at the positives in your life.

I am in a situation whereby my OH ex wife has a nice life financially with what I believe is a bit of manipulation and circumstantial convenience on the benefits front. Maintenance is paid out of my wages at the level of my OH previous wages. He is a sahd and does not work. Fair enough. Why should she be penalised because we had a child.

But we rent a house big enough for my step kids to stay in, always paid the transport for them to stay and have made sure they have never been let down in any way. They are loved and supported and always welcome. We've never let them down.

So when I'm shitting my pants because I am counting the pennies and also feeling crap because there is no money for luxuries, I try to take a minute to feel proud of everyone I'm supporting financially and emotionally.

So, to summarise. Stop dwelling on her life and think about your own and what you achieve and what you're proud of.

Range Rovers and cosmetic surgery aren't the answer to happiness!

'I fully don't believe you tbh, in part because 1200 after rent and council tax isn't enough for a range rover on finance without super scrimping elsewhere'

And the regular cosmetic surgery. Oh, and I'm the Pope.

It used to be that maintenance was counted and deducted off benefits. But so so many women and children ended up in terrible poverty because the children's father suddenly decided not to bother paying maintenance this month after all and (as we all know) benefits take a while to be adjusted.

So - rather than treat the men who didn't pay as the criminals that they are the government decided to disregard maintenance and pay benefits to women whether they get maintenance or not.

Don't blame your friend for this. Blame the thousands and thousands of men who saw paying for their children as an optional extra. And blame the government for not bothering to make them pay.

(Not bitter due to personal experience here - have been with Dh for nearly 20 years. It just makes me really angry that it is always women who get vilified and never the men.)

At the end of the day this woman is raising the next generation, it's hard work! So I can never get too het up about all these single mothers rolling in it. Plus I simply don't believe it's true. The system could be better, and the benefits would be affordable if global corporations paid their tax as they should instead of dodging g it.

1200 a month disposable yet she has a Range Rover
On finance and "regular" cosmetic work done? Righto.
does she have a goat and holidays to Maui too
My STBXH pays the legal min maintanence plus a couple of extras. On another thread I've been advised to never rely on it for more than extras as despite how reasonable he's being now there's nothing stopping him being unreasonable in future.
So say she cancels her claims tomorrow and lives on this non existent 1200 a month.
Then one month he loses his job and can't pay.
Decides not to pay at all.
Can't quite pay the full 1200 due to a big bill etc etc.
It's funny that everyone's falling over themselves to say "omg don't rely on it!" Until the alternative is benefits....

mum I don't know if it was supposed to be adjusted back then but it wasn't when my mum had her ££ cut based on the cm my dad was supposed to
Pay despite him never paying a penny and her telling the DWP or whatever they were back then it was always "nothing we can do as he is supposed to pay you"

So she picked him didn't She! I know a few mums who did just this. No intention to ever work so made sure to pick good earners and good men who would stand bytheir children no matter what. Ideally wished they could play the rich wife but if that doesn't work get some satisfaction in being the rich single mum.

Thing is it doesn't last. One of the mums I know who flaunted her envious lifestyle to those harassed working single mums has now gone quiet as her two eldest have now left school and the dad of youngest has decided to go self employed so maintenance is almost nil.

She is now claiming income support and carer allowance for her 2nd who claims PIP for anxiety but they had an argument recently and daughter said she wanted her boyfriend to claim!

What a life, not so glorious any longer. Feel almost sorry for her.

She has made some poor choices with men but it seems that the system supports and pays for those choices!

It does make me angry that someone that young basically uses the system for their own ends. Lazy so and so - not working and letting others pay for her lifestyle choices.

HOWEVER - its the system that is wrong and needs changing

I do hope shes putting some of that disposable income into savings. Jeez even just half of it and she'd have a deposit for a mortgage in 2 years. Ok unless she starts working she likely wont GET a mortgage, but she would have the option of potentially owning a home rather than renting.

Firstly you are not her friend!

If you cannot be happy that someone else is looking after two children with good support from an ex then maybe you should spend more time improving your own life than taking time to write about someone else's.

I'm sure she wouldn't want anything to do with you if she knew you posted this. How sad!

You can thank the labour government for all these lovely ppl who live on my hard earned tax money.

I don't think you're unreasonable. it's very frustrating to see the lifestyles of some folk when you're working your arse off. But it's best to not comment in these circumstances

What a ridiculous thing to say on so many levels I actually laughed out loud

That was aimed at Unicorn

You can thank the labour government for all these lovely ppl who live on my hard earned tax money.

For every 1 of these people who live lives much better than our own, there's 1000 (probably more) who are living hand to mouth.

YABU. I work now but I was on benefits for 2 years. My ex is a high earner so I get a good amount of maintenance. She's entitled to it at the end of the day. And when her youngest turns 5 she will have to work.

And when her youngest turns 5 she will have to work.

Or maybe have another baby

laugh all you want lovely it's true :D

YABU. It's really none of your business unless you think she's doing something illegal.

I'm guessing cherries is happy to support ppl who don't feel like working with her he's earned money that's fair enough but I'm not

hard

Titanz well she wouldn't be able to claim for it, benefits are capped at 2 DC now. She'd have to choose another rich bloke

I used to claim income support and tax credits as a single mum with no maintenance coming in at all (dp died), but I still wouldn't begrudge this woman a penny in maintenance or benefits. The £1200 is probably a fraction of the amount she would have had access to if her dc's dad didn't walk out and is a tiny amount compared to all the tax evasion that goes on.

I don't think I would doubt the OP, as I understand it the £1200 is just the child maintenance (£300 pw). She'd be getting £117pw child tax credit, £73pw income support and £34pw child benefit so £224pw (£970 a month) in benefits on top of the maintenance. So total income would be over £2100 a month. A lot of car finance companies are offering PCP loans now with monthly repayments but over a long period which she could manage on that (especially if she was given a deposit) and you could save up for cosmetic surgery on that income, especially if you went overseas to one of the Eastern European clinics.