to wonder if anyone really cares?

[QueenNefertitty]

The wearing of sunglasses.
Takeaway coffee.
Parenting your children in an enthusiastic manner.

Have all recently been decried (by a significant number of posters) on MN as actions undertaken PURELY to 'impress' other people, or to look cool...

Do people REALLY think that sunglasses/coffee/enthusiastic parenting are done for attention... ? Or is it just a bit of summer holiday/silly season boredom kicking in, and people fancy a scrap?

Can't work out if people are on the wind up, or genuine.

I'm 'guilty' of all three - am I to be cast out of Mumsnet forthwith?!

Apols for the TAAT X3!

I do worry about the rage people feel about others just doing their thing. That is a greater danger to people's well being and mental health.

^ 100%

Chill people, chill.

Performance parenting which disturbs others is rude and inconsiderate. Couldn't get over bothered about the other two things. Well maybe wearing sunglasses when there's no sign of sun is a bit posy unless you're a z list celebrity. And Takeaway coffee people love to look sooooo busy and I've got far more important things to do than sit and drink coffee. I'm easily annoyed

I couldn't get less about what other people are doing as long as they don't bother me. Performance parenting is very annoying because it tends to be LOUD and I just want to be left in peace. It's not so bad in a playgroup, it's infuriating in a restaurant or on public transport.

Otherwise, I am happily strolling with my take away coffee, wearing my sunglasses and carrying my designer handbag, I couldn't gather the energy to judge the ones who are not doing any of these things.

If other people's positive parenting bothers you, you've too much time on your hands. Those who sit banging on about "performance parenting" are probably the type who never praise their own DCs for fear of giving them big heads. I praise my kids whenever they've earned it; if folk judge me for that it says more about them than it does me.

I get the whole negative thing; if people are being unkind to children I'd judge. But folks who are being nice and just over-egging it? They're not hurting anyone and are probably just needing a boost. What about just smiling and showing camaraderie? Parenting is fucking hard work. Anyone who survives it successfully should be patted on the back.

Purple It wasn't a conversation. The two year old just sat there passively. As soon as I observed all this I knew I had to shoehorn it into MN somehow.

If other people's positive parenting bothers you, you've too much time on your hands But I just wanted to eat a slice of cake in peace. The woman was practically yelling. She had a very quiet 2 year old, a very quiet DH and a very quiet baby. Noone else could get a word in edgeways.

If other people's positive parenting bothers you, you've too much time on your hands.

Excellent, you just proved the point. We call it performance, you call it positive. I assure you it is perfectly possible to be a positive parent, engage with your kids, praise them and keep them quiet on public transport without making a loud show pissing off the entire neighbourhood.

In real life how often do you come across anyone who sits in a cafe yelling at their child in that way? We visit cafes regularly and spend a lot of time with other families and rarely come across it. It's not an every-single-day sort of thing to find, surely?

I performance parent all the time. Why should the wider public be denied my wit and knowledge? I'm funny as fuck.

Some people do yes. I've recently read THE most disgusting review of a hotel in Tenerife where the reviewer had laid into the other occupants, the vitriol towards them for just existing is really quite shocking. I used to think it was just MN but I am increasingly seeing it in other areas to, my parents for example have something negative to say about pretty much any choice that someone else might make. I assume these days that most are judging and not to worry about it. It's liberating.

It's not an every-single-day sort of thing to find, surely? But it did happen and because of MN I had a name for it. I'm sure the mum was only trying her best but she wasn't communicating at all.

@derxa nobody should ruin cake eating time.

I have performance parent mum on school run her voice is like nails on blackboard, whole playground can hear her. I'd buy her shit but I've seen her few times when she thinks nobody is looking. It's one of reason I don't like come join your kids in classroom events to hear them read, do arts & crafts shit, because she so fucking loud and that baby voice she does that I ask my 6yr old sometimes why he talking like a baby.

Takeaway coffee has become a thing and mushroomed within a few decades. It never used to be the norm.

When I was a little child only builders or road diggers had a brew outside.

So for me I do wonder at it in the supermarket. Probably because I couldn't manage to shop and drink!

I performance parent all the time. Why should the wider public be denied my wit and knowledge? Were you at Traquair House cafe the other day, Morris ?

I put performance parenting along with those FB posts I love my kids here we are doing another event because I love my kids we all smiling. Again I'd buy that shit if I hadnt heard you screaming all kind of fucks at your kids many of times

I don't mind 😎, unless it's indoors. Then you're officially a twat.

I don't mind 😎, unless it's indoors. Then you're officially a twat.

bit unfair, what about us poor sods with hungover, migraines (or a black eye because some of us are stupidly clumsy )

Give them a tablet to watch in a cafe - you're neglecting them. Read them a book in a cafe - you're performance parenting.

If you're a parent then whatever you do is wrong so you may as well do what you like and ignore the miserable moaners who could do with getting a life of their own instead of nitpicking about yours.

"Purple It wasn't a conversation. The two year old just sat there passively."
at passive toddler, or expecting a to way convo with a toddler. Maybe the toddler was tired and needed to be entertained? Maybe the baby is teething parents are beside themselves with lack of sleep? Maybe she sounded screechy because she has been firefighting with two young dc the previous 24-48 hours, with little break during then nights?

What's with the judging perfectly ordinary thing? Other people parent despite of you, not because of you if you think they are putting on a show you are a little bit self-centred.

"I assure you it is perfectly possible to be a positive parent, engage with your kids, praise them and keep them quiet on public transport without making a loud show pissing off the entire neighbourhood."

But why does it bother you SO much when you hear people talk in public places? Special snowflakes comes to mind. If you want peace and quiet you really ought to stay at home and hope your neighbour doesn't but a piano.

None of you would survive a day in Mumbai Witnessing parenting there would probably send you into

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i.pinimg.com/736x/39/81/b8/3981b816985482f411dbeb015d7b0454--trip-to-india-in-india.jpg

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Idk coddi...I think it's possible to get through those things without looking like a lost Michael Jackson.

Read them a book in a cafe - you're performance parenting. My woman wasn't reading a book. There really were four peacocks there. She could have taken the DD out to see them.

"She could have taken the DD out to see them."
Why should this woman have done what you wanted her to do? Sounds controlling.

And if she had taken her child outside somebody else would judge her for spoiling her toddler by pandering to him or shouting perforce parenting because the woman was making a show of how exciting those birds were that she had to leave her food and drink to make sure her toddler was entertained.

Also if stupidly clumsy, wearing 😎 indoors probably isn't the best plan .

wearing 😎 indoors probably isn't the best plan grin

HAHAHA very true, but it does work

Very seriously, when my head starts hurting, my sunglasses are a life saver, outdoor or (more rarely) indoors. Couldn't care less what other people think, I can't see them anyway.

Fair enough coddi .