Some posters have no fucking clue!!

[CosmicPineapple]

This will probably be deleted but I am so fucking angry at the level of ignorance some posters display regarding DV.

Its on another thread and I have posted on there but do not want to derail it further and need to vent.

Apparently a women who is being financially abused seeks food bank support to feed her children because its the easy option and should use the child benefit as that is what it is for despite this being taken away from her by the abuser the second it is paid.

Like its that easy

I have to wonder if this sort of thinking (blaming the women) is part of the reason so many women stay in abusive relationships.

Erm I am in AIBU so AIBU to be angry?

No replies necessary i was just a bit grrrr

This is a TAAT but I saw that. It's deluded to think people go to foodbanks because they can't budget, but that's what that poster keeps going on about. It's right up there with a 'but what about the Sky and cigarettes' type comments that always come up on threads like this.

I do expect this thread to go poof as it is TAAT but I did not want to derail that one and need to get it off my chest.
Thanks for the reply though

Fuck me she is choosing to be abused now.
This just gets worse

There are always people who think it's so easy just to leave.

It really isn't.

The abuser makes sure of that

It is making me feel sick that domestic violence is still viewed by some to be the victims fault.
I thought we had moved on from that kind of thinking.

'There are always people who think it's so easy just to leave.'

Or that the state provides 'fully' for anyone on benefits or even in receipt of child benefit. It's just a goady fucker.

Nope. I got out a few years ago with nothing but my children.

I had a lot of support on here but also a lot of people saying they would have left after x or I should have just kicked him out after y.

It really wasn't that easy at all.

People who have never seen how manipulative an abuser can be have no idea. It's insidious and often scarily gradual. It's not simply (but horrifically) about being hit. It's about the words and how they mess with a person's head.
People who need to use food banks deserve help and support.
People who are subject to DV deserve to be supported, believed and boosted to make a change. Not run down and made to feel shit. They have an abuser for that.

It's just a goady fucker.

Yes you are right expat I should not allow the Goady cunt to wind me up.

Unfortunately some people still think it is as easy as just walking away from domestic abuse. I used to think if it happened to me I wouldn't put up with it, but through work I have come to understand why people don't. It doesn't just start with the big stuff, it is little bits of chipping away before you even realise it has happened. That said there is a lot of support out there for people but until people stop these ridiculous views so victims stop feeling ashamed then there are people that will never use the services that are out there.

I've not see that thread but get you totally.

Abused women should 'just' leave the relationship.
Alcoholics should 'just' stop drinking.
Most of us should 'just' eat less and exercise more.
Rape survivors should've 'just' worn a longer skirt.

It's all very very obvious and easy. Not.

I agree with you op

Not run down and made to feel shit. They have an abuser for that.

Too right.
Well said, Wolfie.

Yes expat I was told to use my massive haul if benefit miney to buy new everything.

I struggled to even get benefits for ages because I had no ID and he had everything in his name and i couldn't let him know where we were.

It's even worse now with the benefits cap.

An abuser gets his victim pregnant with baby number 3 and he is laughing as she has to stay or be destitute.

Of course, Wham, those huge benefits that fund 4 foreign holidays, a pack a day of ciggies, endless booze and Sky, too. I'm sure you probably got a grant equivalent to the GDP of a small nation to do up your new abode, naturally. Those pisstaking foodbank recipients! They just need to buck up and suck on some air, that'll keep them going.

This mum has said she wishes he would just hit her.
That way people could see he is abusive and the help from the police and SS would be there.
He has manipulated her whole family and ss. He gaslights her to the point where she thinks she is as crazy as he tells everyone she is.

Yet its just so easy for her to take the money and buy food acorrding to some.

There are lots of goady people on MN now.Try and ignore

I don't think it's easy to leave an abuser. I don't think it's easy to overcome addictions. Some things are very hard to do.

But just because something is hard doesn't mean you don't try and just give up. Sometimes people need to hear that things are achievable.

Sometimes people need to hear that things are achievable.

Of course they do but blaming the victim and just saying its easy are not the way.

bloody hell - whatever happened to compassion and empathy? As name says, it's the gentle encouragement and an opportunity to see their life through other lenses that makes the difference.

Hope is everything. We all need hope.

When you hear all the terrible stories of the women murdered by abusive ex partners and these are usually the ones who have left them that I hear about. It just beggars belief that people think it's that easy

Most people I know are a pay check away from crisis. I too initially followed the post and was saddened to see the lack of support. We never know what our own situation will be like in the future and I hope these people think back to what they said.

Stay in abusive relationship. SS swoop in and take the child.
Leave an abusive relationship. Youre left destitute because for some reason this cunting government has such a downer on lone parents.
You can't fuckin win with people.

yes definitely not easy cosmic

Its much more than money and circumstances isnt it? Its about esteem, personal beliefs, fear and worry, I think.

The thread this occurred on should have been a call to donate to food banks over the summer holiday when there is a spike in demand.

And I hope that message doesn't get lost - indeed if people who see this go and look for the one in question, I hope it nudges people to donate by one means or another.