To say my mother is a total cow!

[MistyBlue54321]

Sick of my inlaws only wanting to be involved when it suits them! DD is 16 weeks and MIL has only bothered to come see her 3 times (one was at a family event) I want to tell he to fuck off that she wants to take DD out for the day so that she can pretend she is this doting grandma to random people (I bet she then posts a million photos on social media) I've spoken to DP but obviously with it being his mother it's a touchy subject. It's really begging to boil my blood!

Muffinmaiden the people writing to me are probably mothers of sons lol

No, they are people without anger issues

MiaowTheCat I knew it wasn't alone! Thanks for the post x

the people writing to me are probably mothers of sons lol

Nope - Mum of a teenage daughter. I'm NC with my parents and my ILs are both dead. Daughter still sees my parents occasionally when they can be arsed. For a long time I've had no support from my parents and never from ILs so actually I think if your MIL gives you a day off and wants to play granny you should either accept it graciously OR deny her contact with your daughter if she is abusive.

Even though I'm no contact with my parents though I've never deliberately slated them to my daughter as they're still her only grandparents. That's why I thought your statement about making sure your dd notices who cares for her was unnecessarily nasty.

Why don't you ask your dp to arrange to meet up with his mum and your dd? Isn't it also his responsibility to foster a relationship between them as much as hers?

the people writing to me are probably mothers of sons lol

2 DDs here. Also feeling sorry for your MIL. HTH.

Er, but now she is asking to take DD out for the day you are angry.

With the greatest sympathy and because I have been there, do you think that you may be suffering from PND or a related problem? This sounds totally out of proportion.

'The people writing to me are probably mothers of sons lol'

Ye Gods, how sad is that remark?? Words fail me, and believe me, that doesn't happen often!

God yes, mothers of sons are notoriously stupid and gave nothing useful to say... especially about being the mother to a son.

You're anger cones drilling through the page, but I can't quite work out what she's done to you, except continuing to live?!

I completely understand hating your in laws if they've done terrible things to you or your loved ones. But I'm at a loss to know what this woman has done to inspire such hatred?

Maybe the problem is that you haven't managed to put in down in words on this thread , so I'll wait in case it all becomes clear... in case it doesn't become clear, I would gently point out that jealousy and hatred are strong and destructive forces. It seems a shame to be brim full of such negative and powerful emotions.

the people writing to me are probably mothers of sons lol

Nope 9 yo daughter.

You haven't explained why your mil pisses you off so much. Until you do and with what you have said, you sound very unreasonable.

So are you going to tell us?

And why should anyone like you when you don't like them?

I have noticed that every time someone posts a derogatory comment concerning in law's then MN goes into meltdown defending the in laws or calling the OP selfish or unkind for just stating their opinions of their situation....... I was given some advice recently (I'm 50 years old and was given this from a 16 year old, this proves you are never too old to listen) and this was....'what can you do to change the situation? Therefore why do you care so much?
My in laws are perfect parents/Grandparents to their daughter/niece (who is actually a very badly behaved 11 year old) yet barely acknowledge their son/Grandsons, There's nothing I can do about it therefore I'm beyond caring. I give you this advice with the best of intentions OP so you don't waste years being bothered like I was, they will never change them, 4 months old is too young IMO to allow your DD to go with 'strangers' albeit their grandparents who have made very little effort towards her, so be polite, allow them to see their granddaughter irregularly but on your terms and more importantly surrounded yourself with the loving family who will nurture and love your DD rather than mourn the relationship with the in laws that you wish you could have.

I understand you completely.
My in laws did not want my husband to leave home at all , they wanted him to live at home all his life. They never loved him and ignored him but he was useful to the household for reasons too complicated to mention.

He was 25 when we met and before they had clapped eyes on me they banned me from their house.

Moving on a few years we married and had a son.
My confused and heartbroken husband thought maybe a grandchild would be the bridge we could build. Not so.
Well , long story short , mother in law died, father in law has just died this year at the age of 81 .

Husband has had to endure every person at the funeral, and there were a few hundred, saying what a loss we must feel and how devoted fil was to his grandson.
He was, til his death, still boasting to family and all his many and far reaching friends about his time spent with his grandson.

What he failed to mention was that this time consisted of seeing him once for a few hours when it was unavoidable.

His grandson is now 33.
My husband is still heartbroken about the awful neglect they handed out.
Not all grandparents are misunderstood victims of their daughter in law.
Some of them are really nasty bits of work.

Your anger doesn't sound healthy anymore. You don't like her and she doesn't come around, which seems fine considering your feelings. She wants to spend a day with her gc and you let her, so no problem there. The only problem that you are nasty about is that she puts photo's on facebook. In reality nobody cares that much about the photo's of some grandchild. It's just a website

Get a grip and some help for your anger issues.

Why do you want to spend more time with some you obviously can't stand? Bonkers.

*someone

planethumblebrag

I have noticed that every time someone posts a derogatory comment concerning in law's then MN goes into meltdown defending the in laws or calling the OP selfish or unkind for just stating their opinions of their situation.....

I don't think this is entirely true. There are many, many threads about MILs where posters are very sympathetic and supportive to the person starting the thread. The only times I really see people defending ILs, or calling ops selfish etc, are threads where it appears the ONLY reason there is a problem, us because the op is looking for one and where it's clear that the only reason they are finding a problem is because it is something to do with a MIL.

I believe that most MILs do not set out to cause problems or to be unkind. Yes, sometimes they get it wrong, they make mistakes, because even they are human. It often seems that DILs are less inclined to be understanding of this from their MIL than they do from their own parents. And those are the threads where DILs are told they are wrong.

What bananasandwiches said.