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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To say my mother is a total cow!

94 replies

MistyBlue54321 · 24/08/2017 00:49

Sick of my inlaws only wanting to be involved when it suits them! DD is 16 weeks and MIL has only bothered to come see her 3 times (one was at a family event) I want to tell he to fuck off that she wants to take DD out for the day so that she can pretend she is this doting grandma to random people (I bet she then posts a million photos on social media) I've spoken to DP but obviously with it being his mother it's a touchy subject. It's really begging to boil my blood!

OP posts:

SinisterBumFacedCat · 24/08/2017 08:44

It's proper very obvious that you hate her, and it will soon be obvious to your kid too. Nice atmosphere to grow up in. You need to deal with your anger or your Dd may end up treating you with the same contempt.

coriliavijvaad · 24/08/2017 08:47

Or: she is making the mst of a rare opportunity to actually be the doting grandma she genuinely is, away from the nasty atmosphere between the two of you.

Why not just enjoy your day off, rather than marinading in poison?

Lemonycakes · 24/08/2017 08:47

She will be uploading a million and one photos online this evening pretending to be this doting grandmother when she is far from it

Your DD is only 4 months old. How do you know she won't be a 'doting grandmother'? Didn't you say that she already spends a lot of time with the other grandchildren too?

CosmicPineapple · 24/08/2017 08:47

No sorry still not getting it.

You want her to see DD.
There is a day trip planned with the other GC so great opportunity to spend time with cousins/family and you say no because she will post pictures of a lovely day out on FB?

You need to decide what it is you actually want from mil.

Original poster

MistyBlue54321 · 24/08/2017 08:48

DD will soon realise which family cares about her and it will be very obvious that the inlaws have made little to no effort!

OP posts:

CosmicPineapple · 24/08/2017 08:49

But you wont let them make the effort!

Iwantamarshmallow · 24/08/2017 08:53

My DM sees DD at least once or twice a week MIL sees her once a month and thats usally when we take her to them. It used to really bother me but I figure MIL thats missing out. My DM told me that when your daughter has a baby your closer to them than if it's your son I don't think it's true in all cases but it is in mine.

TwatteryFlowers · 24/08/2017 08:55

Can you imagine if you had a son and his future wife, your future daughter-in-law, spoke of you with such hatred and contempt and begrudged you seeing your grandchildren but then bitched about you not spending enough time with them?

You seem full of hatred and anger and don't really seem to have a real, genuine reason for it. No surprise then that your MIL hasn't made much of an effort to come and see you. Lose the anger op, it does you no good.

NicolasFlamel · 24/08/2017 09:00

You don't let them make the effort. I hope your poor little girl gets the truth at some point. You're vicious.

MrsMotherHen · 24/08/2017 09:10

wow can you blame the poor woman for not coming over!
Then saying the child will soon see which family is better sorry but you are vile! That is now your family too as you have a child with her son!
You need to grow up and let this woman be involved it is your childs family.
I feel sorry for you one day you will be a MIL just remeber that.

runsmidgeOMG · 24/08/2017 09:11

Seriously take any effort made particularly as you don't have to be there... there are plenty of GP who genuinely don't make the effort at all. Give her a chance....

Are you scared your DD will end up liking her ?

sayshellsunderwaterblblblb · 24/08/2017 09:12

Get your partner to arrange times when his child and his parents get together without you. You clearly would be happy to have them spend time together in your absence, so encourage him to do the arranging.

Handsfull13 · 24/08/2017 09:17

Only seeing her 3 times is about normalish but it is definitely not enough to expect to take a baby out all day. I would kindly tell her that having a baby needs a lot of time and focus so having her when she has other children to look after isn't going to be what's best for her and your child. Suggest she comes round a few times more so that your DD can get used to her and she can learn her routine and then you will be comfortable letting her go out for the day. By the sounds of this she won't put that effort in so you won't have anything to worry about. You've given her an option and not just flatly said no and it's up to her to do her end

kingfishergreen · 24/08/2017 09:20

DD will soon realise which family cares about her and it will be very obvious that the inlaws have made little to no effort

This makes my blood boil.

WHY would you want your child to believe that one side of her family doesn't care, and makes little to no effort?

Even if that were true, it's your job, as a parent and as an adult to protect your CHILD from feeling unloved. Don't propagate it.

This isn't about the child, this is about you, and your attitude disgusts me.

IHateUncleJamie · 24/08/2017 09:27

DD will soon realise which family cares about her

She's 16 weeks. She won't notice things like that for years - unless you stick the knife in and drip-feed poison about nasty granny. Which would be a cruel and unnecessary thing to do.

SenoritaViva · 24/08/2017 10:03

Wow. How does the blue eyed boy feel? You don't seem to have anything nice to say about him or his family at all. It makes you come across as emotionally immature and bitter.

I'm married to my a lovely (blue eyed) man, youngest of four who's mother vocally used to say he was her favourite. I was luckily her fav d/sil (not hard, the others all got divorced). Perhaps it's just that she doesn't think you're good enough for him (and your posts are somewhat supporting this theory).

My parents don't see children much, not that way minded but nevertheless still adore grandchildren (who are 10, 8, and 5).

There are many ways to be a good grandparent, it isn't a competition.

DressedCrab · 24/08/2017 10:08

This isn't about the child, this is about you, and your attitude disgusts me.

Totally agree. I doubt your DH will put up with your vile attitude for long.

Nanny0gg · 24/08/2017 10:13

If you were my DiL with that attitude, it would break my heart not to see my DGC but I wouldn't come anywhere near if I didn't have to.

FittonTower · 24/08/2017 10:28

Why do you care if she wants to "play the doting grandmother"? What difference does it make to you? Even if she only sees your daughter once a month or so won't it be nice if once a month your daughter has a nice day out with her nan? And that way you never need to see a woman that you clearly hate (a lot).
I only saw one of my grandmother's once or twice a year because of the distance away she lived but those times she saw us she really liked showing us off and "playing the doting grandmother. We had an awesome time too.
Maybe try to separate you massive and obvious hatred of this women with what your daughter will get out of even an occasional relationship with her nan? So long as the worst she's gonna do is exaggerate to her friends how often she sees her then that sounds like a (very very) small price worth paying to me.

PovertyPain · 24/08/2017 10:30

🤔. 😒

grandOlejukeofYork · 24/08/2017 11:11

So you're pissed off if she comes and you're pissed off if she doesn't? And you fucking hate her and don't want her anywhere near you?

The poor woman.

Mummyoflittledragon · 24/08/2017 12:27

I'm struggling to see what your version of building bridges look like. You sound pretty scary. This is the mother your daughter has been given. An angry woman. Is that how you wish to be seen by your dd?

Beenbadwolf · 24/08/2017 13:13

YOU are hard work OP.

No matter what she does your MIL will always be wrong.

Glad you are a stranger on the internet are not my DIL.

Take a long hard look at yourself and your behaviour.

SunnySkiesSleepsintheMorning · 24/08/2017 13:22

You sound horrible. I rarely say this. YABU and I hope you are a MIL one day and get the same treatment, perhaps it'll make you think. Life's too short to act in such a petty manner.

MuffinMaiden · 24/08/2017 13:36

I don't get why you're getting such a beating. Your MIL doesn't want to put in the effort to see her grandchild unless she can do it on her terms. She's asking too much to take a young baby out, especially if she can't be bothered to visit your child in your home.

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