To say my mother is a total cow!

[MistyBlue54321]

Sick of my inlaws only wanting to be involved when it suits them! DD is 16 weeks and MIL has only bothered to come see her 3 times (one was at a family event) I want to tell he to fuck off that she wants to take DD out for the day so that she can pretend she is this doting grandma to random people (I bet she then posts a million photos on social media) I've spoken to DP but obviously with it being his mother it's a touchy subject. It's really begging to boil my blood!

Ive tried to build bridges with her a million and one times in the past. She doesn't have to organise with me to see DD she could go via her son? Then I can make sure I'm not around!

If you hate her she will know this. She may even deserve it. It may be reciprocal. But why do you want someone whom you hate to see your child. You seem very conflicted. Why do you care about this?

It's mainly pissed me off because she wants to take DD out for the day to show the world she is this devoting grandma!

Given that she can probably tell that you hate her, she is probably holding back from visiting as much as she might otherwise like to out of respect to your feelings. Poor woman can't win. If she visited weekly would you be posting about how you can't stand your MIL invading your home all the time when you hate spending time with her? She visits her other grandchildren regularly but is presumably loved and welcomed into that home rather than being at best brittley tolerated. No wonder she is hoping to spend some time getting to know her grandaughter without having to do so under the stormy cloud of your distaste for her.

3 times in 16 weeks is perfectly reasonable, given the situation.

You are presumably massively sleep deprived and generally emotionally out of balance so may not be thinking rationally. Now is not the time to be drawing conclusions that could widen the rift between you and MIL. that said, I doubt you have the spare emotional energy to mend bridges between you either. I hope when you feel up to it you can start trying to have a more positive relationship with her.

If you were my DiL I would be the same. I wouldn't want to be around someone as unpleasant as you seem to be.

You sound very controlling. You can't dictate how often they should visit and see their grand children. Some live for their grand children and see very little difference between them and their own kids whilst others consider that they've done their part of parenting, have busy lives and are happy to visit only every few months.

Maybe they would come more often if they didn't have to deal with you each time.

I'm far from sleep deprived my baby sleeps through 😂

And I said she could go via DP she doesn't have to arrange with me. If she went via DP then I could make sure I'm well away!

Is it a case of you clashing or has she actually done something in the past? Would she be doing this to get to you or avoid conflict? TBH, if things are that bad between you then sadly it's almost inevitable that she will treat your children differently. If that's because she wants to avoid conflict with you or if she's being vindictive will dictate if you and her can change that.

I don't think your mil can win here no matter what she does.

Maybe you should learn to be a bit nicer towards people!

Seems she cant win.
You want her to spend more time with DD but you refuse to let her take her out for the day to spend more time with DD.

It cant be both ways can it

Wow!

If she can feel the hatred you exude it is no wonder she doesn't want to spend time with you. That may be why she has suggested having your dd by herself for a day.

Also I assume she is your first - I hate to break it to you - whilst she may be your whole world she is not everyone else's priority! Some people don't 'get' newborns and are more comfortable with babies once they interact more.

By the tone of your posts I would say poor MIL!

She probably wants to spend time with baby but knows that you will be around too, hence ask of visits. I think once a month is fine considering you hate each other. Pretty good going I'd say!

What about her spending a day with the baby and her son while you relax doing something you enjoy?

So you are upset that she doesn't see her GC often enough, then when she wants to take her out you complain and don't want your DD to go?

I've actually never said it before but this makes me sad to have a son. I can understand if the MIL is a really horrible bitch but it just sounds like you hate her and she can't do anything right.
Can you imagine having a daughter in law that actively hates being around you but also hates that you don't see your granddaughter more.. She's totally screwed.

She has been a cow to me since her son and I got together - like I say blue eyed boy and no one is ever good enough for her son!

You sound bonkers OP. You'll be a great MIL I'm sure.

Yeah I was being charitable, assuming that it wouldn't be fair to tell you to grown up and snap out of it if you were at the end of your tether with the overwhelmingness of new parenthood. If you don't have that excuse then I think it's just that it's not her, it's you.

Oh dear

Misty you sound very bitter. Perhaps she wanted to give you time to be a new mum?

You sound controlling and hateful.

By being fixated on your MIL you could end up making issues between yourself and your partner.
I certainly would not be pleased if my partner spoke so hatefully about my Mum.

She has been a cow to me since her son and I got together - like I say blue eyed boy and no one is ever good enough for her son!

But that's completely irrelevant to your OP. You were upset purely for the reason that she hasn't visited your DD enough and wanted to punish her by not letting her take your DD out for the day?

If the reason that you don't want her to take your DD out is that she does x, y and z to you, then say that instead. Otherwise this post doesn't make a lot of sense.

Wouldn't letting her take her GD out for the morning/day elevate any issue with you spending time with her? You want her to spend time with baby but don't?

I'm not getting it.

Please don't make your babybthe pawn in the game.

What I'm trying to say is I don't like her and she doesn't like me. She only has arranged to see DD today as she is taking her other grandchild out. She will be uploading a million and one photos online this evening pretending to be this doting grandmother when she is far from it