To just stay fat.....?

[procrastinationsupremo]

I'm very overweight. I'm lucky in that I carry my weight very evenly across my body, so probably don't look as heavy as I actually am. I'm short and a size 14 in most shops and my BMI actually shows me almost in the obese range. I've always struggled a bit with my weight and lost quite a lot in my early 20s, which I kept of till my middle 30s by being pretty careful about what I ate and weighing myself regularly/cutting back when needed. In the last few years (I'm 40 next year) I just seem to have lost the willpower and have gradually put on about 2.5 stone. It doesn't seem to impact on my daily life that much, I don't get out of breath going up stairs or anything and can quite happily walk for an hour or so each day. I have a toddler and perhaps don't run about as much as some Mums, but that might be my age! My husband still seems to find me attractive.

I know I'd feel better and more confident if I lost weight and I'm pretty horrified by myself at times. I'm also really into clothes and have a wardrobe of lovely things I can't wear anymore. However, on balance, I'm just not sure I can be arsed... I have a fairly stressful job and a busy, tiring life and when I think about the energy a diet requires, let alone all the sacrifices, I just can't face it. I feel like all the nice things we do centre around food (and wine) and now that I'm too old, married and responsible to waste money on expensive clothes, go to parties or have ill-advised liaisons there just aren't that many other vices left!! WIBU to just decide to stay fat?

Thanks for all the responses everyone! I really like the idea of perhaps not hardcore 'dieting' but making some small changes every day. I don't want to keep on gaining (hadn't really thought of that 😳) and even though aesthetically I'm not toooooo bad, I'm sure being 'medically' a few pounds from obese must be impacting on my health in some way. I also worry about the example I might be setting to my daughter (although my Mum is very slim and active and I was still pretty chubby and terrified of sports at school!).

My diet is pretty dreadful. I probably eat plenty of fruit and a fair amount of vegetables, but I also eats LOTS of sugary stuff, have a glass of wine pretty much every day, plus a can or 2 of Diet Coke... I walk a lot with my daughter at the moment as I'm off work, but will be back in September and can't really walk to work at I'm a HCP going round to different schools etc. in a fairly rural area.

Most of my friends are pretty slim and we all seem to spend a lot of time getting together to eat/drink, so I guess they must just be really careful the rest of the time - or lucky!

OP, the problem as I see it is not so much that you are overweight, it's that you have gained 2.5 stone in the last 4 years. So I think if you don't do anything about it you will continue to gain. Is that fair? Or do you think you have stabilised in the last couple of years?

I'm 42 and have slowly been gaining weight over the past few years.
I lost a stone with WW earlier in the year but really can't be arsed with it all now, so I have cut down on my portion sizes and it's really working well for me.
You don't need to go on a strict diet to lose weight!

Hi OP I'm currently on a "diet", this morning I had 2 weetabix with semi skimmed milk, a banana, and a cup of white tea.
For lunch I had 3 scrambled eggs on a bagel thin with ketchup and a kids size mango and pineapple smoothie.
Then for dinner I had a rib eye steak, sweet potato chips, green beans with peppercorn sauce.
And before I go to bed I will have another cup of tea and a tunnocks tea cake.

All pre planned with my personal trainer this morning.

Basically I love my food so reducing my calorie intake drastically isn't going to work long term. All of the above is less than 1800 calories, believe it or not. Including a wee circa 100 calorie treat at bed time.

I'm quite tall (5'9") and heavy (15.5 stone) so obv you will prob need less calories to equate to a deficit, but I'm just saying you don't need to starve yourself.

I've been doing this for 4 weeks now along with 3-4 x 30 min sessions of exercise a week and Consistently been losing 2 lbs a week. 👍🏻😊

The NoS diet is all about learning to eat with moderation and gradually replacing bad habits with good ones. It is not a diet in the traditional sense, and weight loss is slow, but it does work. No snacks sweets or seconds except for days beginning with S ie weekends and special days like birthdays and holidays. We have a thread running on here if you want to have a look, and theres a website with lots of info.
For what its worth I have finally ended a lifelong cycle of yoyo dieting and had despaired of ever eating normally. I have lost 2 stone over 10 months without ever feeling as if I am on a diet.

Yes Tilapia, you're totally right, I'm realising that probably is the problem! It hadn't particularly occurred to me that obviously I would just keep on putting on weight 😳 At the moment, on balance, I'm probably happy enough as I am not to be able to motivate myself to diet, but everyone's right, a couple more years and stones down the line I might not feel that way and then it'll be an even harder task...

I think after years of denying myself it was just so liberating to stop thinking about fat/calories etc. and eat whatever I fancied! It really has brought me quite a lot of pleasure 😳. It's not just the actual eating, it's things like choosing food from a menu based on what I really feel like eating rather than always compromising and having to say 'can I have the bla bla, but without the bla bla and with no dressing' etc. and constantly calculating, e.g if I don't have potatoes I can have wine etc. etc. Sometimes I would actually not go to social events because it was just too much effort trying to navigate the food and drink...

It was nice to be slim(ish), I loved buying clothes and I definitely looked a lot better and felt a lot more confident. But like a PP said, I'm pretty happy now and the way I look doesn't seem that relevant anymore!

You're a grown up who can do what she likes.
I just don't believe you truly like this situation. Nobody bothers asking MN if they know what they actually want already.
Being "nearly obese" isn't really good for health. You're setting up problems for the future.

can you outrun your toddler? they love rushing into danger ime, and I have seen a few mums who are too unfit to catch them. toddler goes up to about 8 for the purposes of this post btw! xx

You're right lljkk I don't 'truly like' this situation, but it's an 'on balance' thing. Like if you had a job you didn't really like, but the hours suited your family, the pay was good etc. etc. so you felt on balance you'd rather stay than risk a job you'd like better, but might not pay the mortgage.

Ummmmgogo I can currently out run my toddler, but she's only 20 months! She's a bit of a pocket rocket, so in a few years, maybe not...

Ideally you don't need to be uptight about food in order to maintain a healthy weight. I honestly think a lot of people achieve this.

Being uptight about what you eat is bad, for sure.

The moment you call it a diet is when the problems start imo.. people associate diets with depriving yourself of things you like.. my dad gave me the best advice, everything In moderation, don't let food and exercise control your life, the same as don't let bad food and alcohol do likewise - just sensible choices

I have lost 25 pounds by eating more healthily, walking at least 10k steps a day, wine at weekends. No dieting. Sticking to two meals a day lunch/dinner between 12 noon and 8pm. Started in January. Slow weight loss but it has not impacted on my life in a way a diet has. Why not just try cutting back. Even if you lost a pound a month in two years you will have lost 2 stones. Time is going to pass anyway so why not take the long term view rather than go through the tedium of a diet.

OP I know exactly how you feel.

Do baby steps. Giving up the Diet Coke would be a good first step because it actually leads to weight gain.

How can Diet Coke lead to weight gain? It doesn't have any calories! Weight gain is the result of taking in more calories than you use.

I can easily out run my toddler, despite being 'obese' according to my BMI. I'm looking forward to her getting faster and having more stamina so we can go running together when she's older.

I think you really need to take action. Otherwise the ongoing weight gain will lead to unhappiness, poor health and you might reach the sorry stage when having a pretty face and nice clothes isn't enough to make you feel good anymore because you know you have let yourself go. From personal experience I've found the thing that worked best for me was booking a beach holiday, joining a slimming club and going to a couple of exercise classes a week. You'd be best starting now whilst you are on the right side of 40. I found its much harder on the other side it's a constant battle really.

Not always. Apparently there's loads of stuff in DC which makes you crave carbs/food.

And some calories are better than others because the type of food can increase your insulin which tells your body to store fat.

Young people can afford to cultivate unhealthy eating habits, the human body is a resilient system up to a point. Post-40 you need to treat your body with a bit of respect or you will suffer in the long run.

Put your health first and the excess weight will disappear.

Have you thought about paul mckenna if you find dieting miserable and joyless? I dont really believe diets are sustainable for the vast majority of people.

The weight gain part of Diet Coke is based on the fact but consuming something sweet your body expects sugar

When it doesn't get sugar it, it makes you crave sugar in order to get its fix.

Also sweeteners aren't meant to be great for your gut health

YANBU, I'm the same. I once got down to a size 10-12 (so not even really thin, just average) by eating 800-1000 cals a day. It was fun looking nice but honestly not worth it. No wine or chocolate ever, one meal per day. Can't go out with friends for meals or meet them for coffee.

People make it sound so easy saying "oh don't go on a diet, just eat healthy with the occasional treat", well at 800 cals per day, one glass of wine is 10-20% of your daily needs. God help you if you have two glasses!

Now I eat a healthy diet with a few treats and I'm fat (size 14) and I'm fine with that.

I'm no looker so honestly even when I was thinner I didn't look that wonderful. So even more not worth it.

Like PP said though, the problem is continually gaining. I try to stay at my current fat weight, and if I gain I go on a diet to get back down.

I can't recommend the low carb high fat diet enough. My cousin's daughter has lost 36 kilos and looks 20 years younger. I've lost 10 kg and feel much healthier than i have done for a long, long time. You are never hungry, because the fat fills the cravings. Only 2 meals a day of really good food- eggs, green veg, meat, fish, olive oil, cream, berries - does wonders. You sleep really well and feel on top of the world. Try the DietDoctor online for information. Good luck!

I think to lose weight you need to cut out alcohol. That's the one real empty calorie that often leads to a packet of crisps or cheese and crackers. I cut out alcohol and sugar completely and have lost 2.5 stone in 18m. I don't do without any other foods.

There are more people talking about looking after your metabolism to get your body back to the point where it will automatically balance your weight.

Have you heard of the set point? It's where your body thinks you should be. Dieting screws up the system. So does a processed food diet. It all messes up your thyroid too.

My advice is ditch the Diet Coke, eat lots of vegetables and read up on metabolism. You can track it with your body temperature.

@OP

WIBU to just decide to stay fat?

Nope, not at all.
You seem fully aware and informed of all the drawbacks of being overweight, and if you're happy enough, just carry on enjoying life.