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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Looking after 3yr old grandchild for half of OUR week off!!

88 replies

motormummy · 22/08/2017 18:38

AIBU... partner and I both work full time and rarely get time off together, let alone a whole week as I have two jobs. I have two teenage boys. We were going to book a last min hol of some sort to get some time away next week.
Partner comes home tonight and announces we are looking after grandchild next week on Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday while her mum starts her new job. We've already had her for quite a few sessions recently while mum works or does chores where having a small child about would 'take so much longer'. I can sympathise with that so no problem. BUT Mum has known about having to start new job for weeks, surely she had realised she would have problems with holiday childcare. She has sister, mother, aunties, the child's father and his parents to call on for help. I'm guessing they've all got fed up or turned her down. I'm pretty sure she could go to her dads, tbh.
AIBU to feel massively resentful over this imposition? I wouldn't mind if it was just one day but 3???
And what's going to happen in future school hols. ? I kind of think DP agreed cos if he'd said no there would be a massive strop and probably wouldn't see them agin for months. Don't get me wrong , she's a lovely child and I enjoy having her around, it's just because it's my week off.

OP posts:
thatdearoctopus · 22/08/2017 19:47

Sure, she could go away, but isn't her frustration that they had planned to spend the rare week off together?

OP, don't let him wriggle out of this by saying it's all a done deal now, as he's said yes to her. He said yes to you first, so he's going to have to tell her he made a mistake and is now actually unable to help her after all.

abigailgabble · 22/08/2017 19:48

so it's not your grandchild? unclear

Nicpem1982 · 22/08/2017 19:51

Can the gc not join you on holiday and let you dsd settle into her job that what my ils would do

HaudYerWheeshtBawbag · 22/08/2017 19:52

Are you married OP?

Personally I think you are BU as your dh has decided he wants his Granddaughter to stay for a few hours.

Dumdedumdum · 22/08/2017 19:56

Why are you guessing everyone else turned her down? Confused Perhaps she asked her dad first as she thought he'd love to have his granddaughter for a few days? Your plans should go ahead as its a holiday, but do look at your general attitude to the child who will be very important to your dp. She is not an imposition.

Tazerface · 22/08/2017 19:57

I think in the face of it I'd be assuming that he means he will be staying at home to look after the grandchild while you and the teens go on holiday.

YANBU at all.

Kailoer · 22/08/2017 20:07

OP stop feeling massively resentful at the mother of the child , who i assume isn't your relation (but you may be married to the grandpa, maybe?)

Your problem is your DP. you've made plans together - did he firmly commit to them? if he did, you need to point out that he committed to your plans first.

If he didn't firmly commit to them, then there's your problem.

whatever the reason, stop blaming child's parent - that's not the problem. what your DP is commiting to, or not, is your problem!

Serin · 22/08/2017 20:21

I feel sorry for the two teens who are not going to get a holiday now.

Can you all go away as planned but take the 3 year old with you?

CreamCheeseBrownies · 22/08/2017 20:41

Have you fed back to her that you'd rather not? We tend ask people who are most enthusiastic first. We try not to impose on anyone but smetimes we have to guess at whether what we are told - "yes we'd be delighted to have lovely Ethelberta again!" - is the truth or fake and polite.

IF your partner is saying similar then it is very understandable why the mum is asking you over others. It's also nice that your partner is happy to help hisdaughter (?) out - starting a new job is a big deal. But your DP should have consulted you first.

The mum may well have just asked nicely, not demanded or insisted. Keep it in perspective and negotiate adult to adult. Don't throw your toys out of the pram or make a big drama of sucking it up, find another solution.

Original poster
motormummy · 22/08/2017 20:58

Thank you ladies. I am a bit of a doormat for not immediately objecting. This was due to a) not wishing to start an row, b)not wishing to give mum an excuse not to start job, c) she is indeed DP's granddaughter and I don't want to be the cause of him not seeing little one for months. The DIL has a track record for strops and huffs and generally only appears when it suits her. Or at mealtimes. 😬 I will book something for back end of week and go away then. Possibly make sure we are all away for half term too now I've had a warning.
I do appreciate that we all as working mums need all the help we can get thru the hols (myself included). It's only really now my kids are 15 and 13 they're more self reliant and I don't have to be around so much. I'm pretty sure if I'd asked this mum to look after my boys during the last few years she would not have been available.

OP posts:
thatdearoctopus · 22/08/2017 21:04

So you're going along with the plan? Have you told your dp that you're fed up with him having accepted this arrangement without consulting you?

Original poster
motormummy · 22/08/2017 21:04

Dumbledee, she is definitely not an imposition in the normal scheme of things and we love taking her out or whatever. It's just this particular week. And I'm not going to be acting all martyrd. I just really needed a break, not involving the constant supervision of a small child.

OP posts:
Original poster
motormummy · 22/08/2017 21:09

I have to go along with the plan for the sake of family harmony. I cannot go to the mum myself because she would immediately bypas me (as she has with this) and go straight back to her dad. Its not just me she's a pain to, it's everyone. If she don't get what she wants she throws massive strops and none of the family will challenge her.

OP posts:
thatdearoctopus · 22/08/2017 21:09

If you really need the break, why haven't you told your dp you're not on board with the plan?

AnneLovesGilbert · 22/08/2017 21:34

Don't punish your children because your partner is a push over?!

Be honest with your partner. You don't need to talk to your DIL, just tell your DP he's welcome to do short notice childcare if he wishes but you and your DC are going away for your holiday next week, as planned.

Don't be a doormat.

Original poster
motormummy · 22/08/2017 21:36

Hi I can't actually speak to DP just now as he will be out till late.,will have to wait till morning. Probably just as well because I need to consider carefully how to tackle it. Hence the need for MNs views.

OP posts:
CatsAreAssholes · 22/08/2017 21:39

I hope he is doing the actual babysitting and not expecting you to do so!

Even if this was your grandchild I wouldn't expect this outside of an emergency.

EvilDoctorBallerinaDuck · 22/08/2017 21:44

He needs to tell her no, you're going away together.

Original poster
motormummy · 22/08/2017 21:49

He's not bad at the minding bit, he just has a tendency to lose interest after a while and disappear off to the garage 😂

OP posts:
Welldoneme · 22/08/2017 21:54

I would still go and enjoy the holiday and let him get on with the childcare.

littlebird7 · 22/08/2017 21:57

I would not have my holiday taken no matter how much I liked the little one. You work very hard and deserve a break. Tell dp that he has to call and apologise but he has his dates mixed up and a holiday is already booked. I am sure he can bluster and mumble through it promising a babysitting opportunity soon.
It would be sad if this budding relationship soured due to exhaustion. Your dp needs to always check with you going forward.

Dawnedlightly · 22/08/2017 21:59

You have to go away OP

mummmy2017 · 22/08/2017 22:00

As said book something for half term.
And tell your DP now.

Nicpem1982 · 22/08/2017 22:00

Take the gc surely

Chillyegg · 22/08/2017 22:02

Why are you so worried about speaking to your do about it?
I would say it's not the grandchild or the dd's fault it's your dps for not saying no. But it doesn't come of brilliant that you're slagging of your dps dd. She may indeed be stroppy etc etc but in these cases I sometimes think facts are better than emotions. If you go in with what you've said hear your dp will get very defensive of his dp