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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be considering putting my dog down

158 replies

Bestdoggoever · 22/08/2017 16:25

Please be gentle. I just want to do what is right for him. I rehome my dog from another family a couple of years ago. When I got him he was very nervous and neglected, and would flinch a lot. He is now a confident happy dog, but due to circumstances completely beyond my control, I am moving into accommodation that will not allow him. I am very worried about rehoming him again, because of all he has been through, and because I couldn't be there to protect him if anyone tried to hurt him again. I am considering having him put down. However I am worried that I am being unduly influenced by my own past, in which my mom broke several of my bones and left me malnutritioned. I suppose I know there are fates worse than death, and I want to protect him. He is only four and my boyfriend thinks I am very wrong to be considering putting him down. But so just want what's best for him. Thank you

OP posts:
GahBuggerit · 22/08/2017 17:17

Rebecca the dog could well be with another owner not currently posting about how he's the best dog ever but he may need to be pts because no one else will care for him as much.

I disagree that op can know what the dog can handle. She's had him 2 short years. It's not as if she's had him from day 1 and it's a 10 year old faithful friend.

Foxysoxy01 · 22/08/2017 17:18

OP I Just wanted to tell you our story hoping it might make you feel more positive about letting your dog be rehomed.

We have had several dogs through our lives the first being from a breeder.

After gaining experience of dog ownership with our first we decided to look at the Dogs Trust for our next.

Our next dog had a few issues and was VERY nervous. He would wee where he stood if you even slightly raised your voice and if you went towards him without looking away from him he would cower and whine.
After 6 moths of gentle handling and just generally loving him he started to become much more confident and happy.
He lived a long life and became a confident happy dog that liked agility training. He would sit through screaming kids and play fighting without batting an eyelid.

Our next dog was a rescue too and he had a history of aggression which we found to be because he was genuinely lacking in confidence and nervous of being told off/hit/shut out etc. It took a while but he is slowly becoming much more trusting and the growling has stopped. We will never completely trust him but we will love him and care for him until old age or ill health makes it unkind to keep him going.

There are people out there that are happy to take on dogs with a colourful history. Even dogs with the worst background can come good in the end so please give yours a chance to find another loving home.

ilovesooty · 22/08/2017 17:20

I really hope such a drastic course of action won't prove to be necessary.

ElsieMc · 22/08/2017 17:22

I rehomed two dogs last year from a home where circumstances had drastically changed. I did not blame the owner at all, I could see her indecision and it took her over a week to make her mind up about us after visiting us at length.

The two dogs had to remain together and although it had never been my intention to take two, I did so. One was rather nervous and I have realised it is his personality, he likes his own space. The other is a loving softee. I have surprised myself and I truly love the dogs as does my dh.

I am very sorry for your circumstances op and you will always get a rough ride on MN although you have received a good positive responses and your manner is receptive to suggestions and not defensive.

What I am saying is do please try to rehome your dog. He deserves to continue with his happy life and can enhance the life of another person as well. I did not rehome through a charity/rescue centre, it was a private arrangement and there are good people out there.

Nikephorus · 22/08/2017 17:23

The Dogs Trust has several centres in the South & even where dogs can't be homed because they have issues they won't put them down, they keep them at the centres where they get looked after and spoilt rotten for the rest of their doggy lives. Please don't even contemplate putting him down further - he deserves a chance at life.

Montsti · 22/08/2017 17:25

RebeccaWithTheGoodHair

"My brother was going to have him while I was at Uni.." - she's had him for a couple of years and knew she was going to unit so would leave him...

I have rescue dogs and have volunteered at a rescue and "our circumstances have changed" ALL the time so dogs are brought back...it breaks my heart....poor poor dog...

sonjadog · 22/08/2017 17:29

Hi, OP. I think the idea of putting him to sleep is coming from a place of love and wanting to the best for him. But because of your own past experiences, I think you are reaching the wrong conclusion to your dilemma.

There are lots and lots of great dog owners out there who would give your dog a wonderful life. I have rehomed one dog I have had some years ago. It was really, really hard to do and I had actually decided against it, until I met the family who wanted him and they were so warm and loving, I knew it was right for him from the first moment. I gave him up with no qualms at all, something I thought I´d never do.

I suggest that you start looking into rehoming options. I don´t live in the UK so I don´t know the local places, but there were suggestions upthread and I´m sure many others know of excellent rehoming centre where they will take very good care of him and check his new owners carefully.

GahBuggerit · 22/08/2017 17:31

Swidmae - that all sounds a little arrogant no? To kill a beloved pet because you won't know what happens to it after? Granted if you're giving it away to a dog fighting ring but if rehoming via a rescue? All sounds a bit "if I can't have it no one can" to me that attitude :(

RebeccaWithTheGoodHair · 22/08/2017 17:32

Montsi - it breaks my heart too and I don't dispute that some people are thoughtless and callous. I don't think the OP is such a person, as demonstrated by the fact she's open to finding a new life for her dog.

My point is that some dogs just cannot cope without their 'one' person and it is not cruel in that instance to PTS.

I too have rescue dogs and I love them to bits, it would break my heart ever to have to give them up and I would be eaten up with worry about their future so I can understand where the OP is coming from so I don't want to judge her unfairly.

nodogsinthebedroom · 22/08/2017 17:39

Haven't RTFT, but I really get your concerns OP. I agree with others that you should give rehoming a try though. Don't worry about being judged by rescue places either - it is obvious from your op that you are in a v difficult situation and you're only trying to do your best for ddog.

Some dog rescues in the south east for you to consider trying:

Arundawn (based in Horsham, especially good for bullies and lurchers)
All dogs matter (based in North London)
Rovers Dog Rescue (v small rescue in Essex, they don't have a website, only a FB page)

Good luck Flowers

Sparrowlegs248 · 22/08/2017 17:41

Yanbu. There are indeed fates worse than death and a vet certainly will pts a dog with a potentially difficult temperament. Or even a dog with no issues.

GahBuggerit · 22/08/2017 17:50

Doesn't sound like this dog is destined for a fate worse than death though, op just needs to spend a bit of time getting him into a rescue while he waits a little for his forever home to come along, his forever human. Op has done the groundwork in proving to doggie that humans can be trusted and is proof that death isn't always kinder shouldnt even be on the table in this situation

ethelfleda · 22/08/2017 17:55

YABU

Disn3yN3rd · 22/08/2017 17:56

Firstly you need to find a new vet. Any vet that says that about a young and healthy dog should not be practicisng.

Runninglateeveryday · 22/08/2017 17:57

Are you kidding? THere will be plenty of people that could cope with him unless your the dog whisperer. If you had his "best interests at heart" you would move somewhere dog friendly not put him down 😡

Soubriquet · 22/08/2017 18:06

I used to work at a rescue kennels so I see your point

There are worse things than death and yes maybe being PTS is the kindest thing for your dog.

But saying that, he is only 4. There are people out there who have the time and patience to do just what you did. It's just finding them

Halfsack · 22/08/2017 18:07

YABU. Absolutely. Why in god's name would you even consider having him out to sleep because he has now become an inconvenience to you?!

Margotsmom · 22/08/2017 18:10

I think that is a horrible way to think! Glass half empty rather than glass half full. Shall we just start putting children down that ain't able to stay with their family?

LegArmpits · 22/08/2017 18:12

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LesbianBadger · 22/08/2017 18:19

Sorry, your vet has agreed to put the dog down? I would not trust any vet who agreed to euthanise a dog under these circumstances.

Absolutely this. There is no way a healthy 4 year old dog should be put down because you are going to university. Do not do this.

Please contact a local rescue. They do checks. If he gained confidence with you he can gain it with someone else.

LesbianBadger · 22/08/2017 18:21

You are grieving and you obviously have things in your past that affect your decisions.

Please understand that rehoming is good for him. A reputable local service will carry out checks to ensure his safety as best they can. They don't just let people turn up and take a dog.

Loulou0 · 22/08/2017 18:35

OP so sorry you are in this position. You must be devastated.

Ignore the cruel fuckers on here who have disregarded your childhood abuse and recent bereavement. Do what's best for you. He's your dog and it's your choice. You obviously feel that the trauma your dog would feel being rehomed is so much worse than just quietly slipping away, i understand that. However, you may feel more at peace with that decision if you know you have exhausted all other options first.
Are you comfortable enough to disclose your approximate location? Someone might know somewhere that can help.

sourpatchkid · 22/08/2017 21:42

For fucking hells sake people!

Yes - it's a "horrible way to think" because OP has had horrible things happen to her!

Our life experiences form our thoughts and belief systems. How do people not see this?!

dolcezza99 · 22/08/2017 21:45

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Ceto · 22/08/2017 21:49

dolcezza, you're the disgrace. Have you bothered to read OP's posts? You do realise that she is a survivor of child abuse whose brother has just died?

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