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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Five Mums in a row on a cafe table (diagram!)

84 replies

TheClaws · 22/08/2017 03:55

The scene: Busy cafe this morning. It's a small cafe with only eight or so tables in the middle of a shopping centre, with people walking past on either side of the tables. On either end of the cafe, two long tables are set up that can seat twelve: six each side. Today though, a group of Mums, Grans and kids set up so they were sitting on one side of a table only.

Now, the cafe was busy. Someone did actually approach and ask if they it was okay if they sat down at the table, to be met with, "No, sorry, there's no room!" AIBU to think this was a little unreasonable (and giving mothers a bad name?)

Five Mums in a row on a cafe table (diagram!)
OP posts:
ItsNotLit · 22/08/2017 10:16

YANBU to think they were being a little unreasonable.

I'd have sat opposite them in defiance.

Original poster
TheClaws · 22/08/2017 10:21

BAHAHA SenatorBunghole that's a lot of big words you used there. I'm not going to repeat myself again - sorry it wasn't clear to you.

OP posts:
Original poster
TheClaws · 22/08/2017 10:25

ItsNotLit but they might have thrown a doughnut at me ...Wink

OP posts:
museumum · 22/08/2017 10:45

It was a bit thoughtless but it's such a weird way to sit i'd really assume that either the kids were originally in the other seats and had just finished their food, or they were waiting for their food and the parents would need them to sit when it arrived. I go out once a week with 2-3 friends with under 5s who need a seat at a table in order to eat without making a mess but who often move to a lap or similar after they've finished but before the adults have.

Were there actually people with no seats? Because if i had a tray with a drink or food and no seat I would just have sat down if the seats were genuinely empty.

Spikeyball · 22/08/2017 10:47

When we eat out with ds we sometimes sit in a row of 3 rather than 2 facing 1 on a smaller table because it is easier to manage him sandwiched in the middle. We also need space for his big sn buggy which we would not fold. Someone could sit opposite but they wouldn't enjoy the experience much.
How many people were there in total at the table?

SenatorBunghole · 22/08/2017 11:06

OP, repeating yourself is when you've said something already. I'm afraid that doesn't apply here because you've yet to actually give us a reason. Hopefully those words are short enough for you to understand, although as you don't seem to know the meaning of the word repeat, maybe not.

Original poster
TheClaws · 22/08/2017 11:10

Spikey, 5 adults, 2 (maybe 3?) under school-age kids, and a baby.

Senator your comprehension skills are off.

OP posts:
KingscoteStaff · 22/08/2017 11:13

(sung to the tune of 5 little men in a flying saucer)

5 mums in a row on a cafe table,
Out for a snack today,
They'd ordered a bun, but it took too long to come,
So one mum flounced away...

4 mums in a row on a cafe table,
Feeding their kids Pom Bears,
The Claws sidled up with her brimming coffee cup,
So one left with a long hard stare...

3 mums in a row on a cafe table,
Hogging the extra space,
One's latte was cold and her hummus smelt of mould,
So that mum left the place...

2 mums in a row on a cafe table,
Now using 5 chairs each,
One was in fact a gran, by now covered in red jam,
So she left to buy some bleach...

One final mum on a cafe table,
Giving the rest a frown,
She felt a bit bereft, grabbed her pram and bag and left,
So at last we can all sit down!

Original poster
TheClaws · 22/08/2017 11:42

KingscoteStaff Love it!

OP posts:
SenatorBunghole · 22/08/2017 11:55

Afraid not OP, it's your explanation skills that are off. You have yet to provide an explanation for your claim that they're giving mums a bad name and so, with that, you are still BVU.

Saying that you know you're inviting judgement on them as mothers is not it, nor is saying that you're happy to stand by your point. By all means don't bother to provide an explanation if you can't, but that is a fail on your part and nobody else's.

Original poster
TheClaws · 22/08/2017 12:22

SenatorBunghole I'll quote from one of my previous posts:

I am happy to admit I am inviting judgement on them as mothers, not just as people, because it was bloody anti-social and not teaching their children anything reasonable

Does that count for you FFS or do I need to write a thesis?

OP posts:
SenatorBunghole · 22/08/2017 12:25

No, it doesn't count because, as I have pointed out to you, saying you're inviting judgement on them as mothers isn't the same as them giving mothers a bad name. They are two totally different things. The only way this wouldn't be the case is if you thought everything anyone ever judged any mother for also gave mothers a bad name. Do you?

Rufustherenegadereindeer1 · 22/08/2017 12:35

Surely the other chairs were for the children so fully taken

A bit different but i was in a mcdonalds a few years ago had five chairs round the table

Bloke came up and grabbed a chair and said 'can i take this ' i said no its taken and he said 'but i have three children'....well yes, so do i

Rufustherenegadereindeer1 · 22/08/2017 12:37

Sorry theclaws just seen that there were about 9 people on the table so in theory someone could have had the other chair

Original poster
TheClaws · 22/08/2017 12:41

Oh it's Philosophy 101. I thought I was writing a thread about some Mums in a cafe and we've gone all deep. I do not understand a word you just wrote. This thread is about a group of women - mothers - hogging a cafe table unnecessarily, and perhaps in doing so they were annoying others and perpetuating a certain entitled stereotype. They weren't really attending to their kids either - I said this in the quote - and the behaviour in whole doesn't teach the kids good habits, does it?

OP posts:
KungFuPandaWorksOut16 · 22/08/2017 12:54

theclaws there's no point you've already explained plenty of times. Some people just like an argument.

GreenRut · 22/08/2017 15:51

But they had children with them, presumably whose seats they were?! If every time I went to a cafe and one of my children jumping on my lap, running off, me running after them, meant that the seats we were meant to be on were now up for grabs I'd constantly be sharing my table with a stranger.

MaisyPops · 22/08/2017 16:02

theclaws You've explained really well and are totally reasonable.

But on MN some people just love an excuse to get out the old lines 'its always mothers who are being attacked' and pity party references when anyone dares suggest that a mother is being rude.

It could have been a group of men having an out of office meeting with a client. Same princple would stay the same.

You are right OP, the actions of these lovely 'spread out shit out, take ages drinking the last mm of coffee and hog tables when it's busy' types do perpetuate a stereotype about a certain group of 'cafe mummies'.

Of course it needs saying that women in the 'cafe mummies' stereotype group are not just mothers who use cafes. But it needs saying in case someone comes back enraged claiming 'so women should know their place and stay at home should they? Why shouldn't mums use cafes?!'

MaisyPops · 22/08/2017 16:03

Or maybe, there's just a lot of cafe mummies on Mumsnet & that's where thr defensive angst comes from.Grin

KittyPuff · 22/08/2017 16:21

This thread has it all, a diagram, rennaisance art, a feminist derail, a poem, and a philosophical debate.

Gonegonegone · 22/08/2017 18:31

If there are five mums in a cafe but no mumsnet poster there to judge them do they even exist?

SenatorBunghole · 22/08/2017 18:44

OP, it's not philosophical to tell you that words you used have a different meaning to what you think they do. You were just wrong. So are the people who agree with you that you'd already explained.

It's not a matter of opinion that giving mothers a bad name and inviting judgement on them as parents are two different things, whether you understand that or not.

solarisIsAClassic · 22/08/2017 19:31

SenatorBunghole

ODBOD

Completely unrelated (I promise), is there a term for someone who elevates their language to pseudo-intellectual, hoping it will give credence to their musings?

Jojofjo44 · 23/08/2017 18:08

Tbf, yanbu that they were being inconsiderate in not allowing others to sit at the table. But tbh, you were all being unreasonable if you were all there in a busy cafe for 1 hour and 30 minutes and not moving.

ALittleMop · 23/08/2017 18:48

yanbu
can't believe cafe owner didn't want them to be a little more compact if there were customers left standing
from diagram that looks like communal table ie fair game if no-one actually arse to chair
but the correct form is " is this seat taken?" not "do you mind if I sit here"