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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Five Mums in a row on a cafe table (diagram!)

84 replies

TheClaws · 22/08/2017 03:55

The scene: Busy cafe this morning. It's a small cafe with only eight or so tables in the middle of a shopping centre, with people walking past on either side of the tables. On either end of the cafe, two long tables are set up that can seat twelve: six each side. Today though, a group of Mums, Grans and kids set up so they were sitting on one side of a table only.

Now, the cafe was busy. Someone did actually approach and ask if they it was okay if they sat down at the table, to be met with, "No, sorry, there's no room!" AIBU to think this was a little unreasonable (and giving mothers a bad name?)

Five Mums in a row on a cafe table (diagram!)
OP posts:
ringle · 22/08/2017 08:47

Oh no, are we going to have to submit Renaissance art with every parking thread now?

SleepingStandingUp · 22/08/2017 08:48

Odd. When I go out for coffee with people I like to see them and chat to them

MaisyPops · 22/08/2017 08:49

What's with threads lately going like this:
OP: i think this woman/mum was quite inconsiderate/rude
Reply: That's it have a go at mums. Mums can't do anything right but keep trying to put women in their place.
Hmm

They were being inconsiderate OP. They sat that way deliberately so they could claim thr whole table and rely on people feeling too awkward to ask. When people asked, saying no to someone sitting down is just rude when they've created that situation.

I think you were a bit harsh when you say does it give mums a bad name. I don't think it does, but that sort of encounter adds to my 'cafe mummies' stereotype of people who spread out, sit in a busy cafe for hours and nurse the last cm of their coffee so they 'technically' are still drinking when really they're just eeking it out until it's nearly lunch/pick up time.

Original poster
TheClaws · 22/08/2017 08:52

And that's what I'm meaning Maisy. You put it better than me. By taking up so much space too, I just think they were being a little ruder than just overstaying their welcome.

OP posts:
Questioningeverything · 22/08/2017 08:52

Someone's got more class than me. Pp said wagamamas, my brain went instantly to my local McDonald's tables laid out the same way Blush

Questioningeverything · 22/08/2017 08:53

Anyway, I wouldn't have asked. You just sit down at tables like that, if you're together you tend to take up a section and sit opposite one another so you're all being social and able to chat with everyone. Again, referencing McDonald's Blush

MaisyPops · 22/08/2017 08:54

TheClaws
Yes. It's one thing to do that annoying nurse your coffee thing when somewhere is busy. It's quite another to sit in a way that prevents other people sitting down.
It was essentially territory marking and just rude.

MaisyPops · 22/08/2017 08:56

Also, quite Mean Girls/high school:
Can I just sit here (looks at an empty chair)
no. you can't sit there.because this is OUR table and we own all the space

GreenRut · 22/08/2017 09:02

Maybe the 'spare' seats were for their children? 5 adults with children, 5 crosses on your diagram. Where were the children going to sit?

Regardless - think it's a bit over the top to say you judged them as mothers. Really? How can you possibly extrapolate from that one 1 hour scenario in their lives that you happened to witness, that they were worthy of negative judgement on their capacity as mothers? I could give you deciding they were a bit rude but something as all encompassing as their ability to parent is nonsense.

SenatorBunghole · 22/08/2017 09:03

YANBU to think they were BU. They clearly were. YABVU to say they were giving mothers a bad name. You can fuck that off immediately.

Creatureofthenight · 22/08/2017 09:04

Disappointed, I thought from the thread title that this was going to be about a new nursery rhyme Grin.

NannyRed · 22/08/2017 09:06

I don't really get what this is all about. It seems 5 people were sat at the seats and someone was silly enough to ask their permission to sit . If you don't want to be told no, then don't ask just sit.
I still don't really know what the wuestion is though, maybe I'm having an off day.

BubbleAnimal · 22/08/2017 09:10

I'm confused, did they have children with them? So five adults, but the other five seats were for toddlers/children?

MsHarry · 22/08/2017 09:23

Does seem odd. Were they all in one group? Difficult to chat in a row. I would have asked if the seat was taken and if not, I would sit on it if no others were available.

Piccolino2 · 22/08/2017 09:25

If this was a communal table (we have one in our local coffee shop), presumably it's quite wide and therefore if they sat opposite each other then they'd have had to shout or talk loudly to converse across the table? This would have also been annoying. So whatever they did, as they had toddlers and buggys and a large group probably would have been somewhat annoying.

I do think unless the seats were actually taken then they should have allowed others to sit across from them. Perhaps there was a reason why, perhaps there wasn't. We'll never know.

KungFuPandaWorksOut16 · 22/08/2017 09:33

I'm confused because I read the OP and thought people obviously being inconsiderate in how they sit.

Then I see a comment about male violence and get really confused. So I go back up and reread the OP. Nope she didn't mention anything about male violence.

How on earth has male violence been brought into an OP about people hogging cafe tables?

fullofhope03 · 22/08/2017 09:33

Nope. You're definately NBU. They were ill mannered and selfish.

Morphene · 22/08/2017 09:40

hmmm...this is why its better to ask 'is anyone already sitting there?' rather than 'may I sit there?'

the later gives implied ownership of the space to someone it doesn't belong to...

Original poster
TheClaws · 22/08/2017 09:45
  • The kids were either on laps or running around - so not taking up seats that I saw.
  • I honestly don't know how they carried on a conversation positioned like that. Unless that wasn't the point.
  • It wasn't a particularly wide table ie. if I sat across from one, I could have easily sneezed into her coffee.
  • I'll say again, I don't mind saying they were giving mothers a bad name, or at least reinforcing a certain entitled stereotype often discussed on MN.
OP posts:
CarolinePenvenen · 22/08/2017 09:45

Wonder why they were all sitting in a row. Were tbey waiting to interview someone?

I’d have just plonked my arse down and got my book out. It was a communal table. I’d always ask if it was a little table though.

BubbleAnimal · 22/08/2017 09:53

If they had five kids though, even if they were running around or on laps, I'm presuming at some point they sat and had cake etc and may have used those chairs?

I'd be more pissed on the holidays as a cafe owner about people sitting for 90 minutes over a cup of coffee and a cake.

But giving mothers a bad name? That's ridiculous

AmberStClare · 22/08/2017 09:55

Very busy restaurant yesterday and there was a table for six with two women and a baby in a highchair sitting there. They also had an enormous buggy taking up the whole of one side of the table. Staff asked them repeatedly to fold the buggy and they wouldn't until it was forcibly folded for them and put elsewhere. There was a queue waiting for tables so I did feel they could have been more helpful. The baby was extremely cute so had no problem with him whatsoever.

SenatorBunghole · 22/08/2017 10:06

I think we all get that you don't mind saying they were giving mothers a bad name OP. That much was obvious, and you saying you're content to restate it doesn't help your argument at all. We've established that this is what you think, so let's now focus on why you think it.

So tell us, do, why they were giving mothers specifically a bad name? There's a massive world of difference between that and saying they were reinforcing a particular lazy stereotype. Let's hear some justification.

mrsmuddlepies · 22/08/2017 10:07

Yesterday, I saw two mothers with large buggies, completely blocking a busy pavement. To get past them, you had to step off the pavement onto a busy road. And that is what everyone did,. A few waited hoping the mothers might move but not a chance. I passed them and then looked back at them. Returned along the same pavement after 10 - 15 minutes and they were still there. None of us dared challenge them.

mogonfoxnight · 22/08/2017 10:12

I love the renaissance artwork and derailing! OP, I would have got a member of staff to come over with me to say to them they were being mean and they had to let me sit with them and be nice to me. And then I would sit down with a very self righteous look on my face and say something like "see?" or "my mum's better than your mum".

They wouldn't dare to look at me grimly after that.