To think it's pointless going back to work?

[hiimmumma]

I'm on maternity leave and it's coming to an end.
I had asked my employer if I could have some additional unpaid leave to take me to the end of the year but they said no. (I was upset but I know it's beyond my entitlement).
I've asked for flexible working 4 days a week which is taking them a long time to come back to me about, despite the fact that 50% of the staff in the same or similar rolls do this. Including 2 people that have returned from mat leave this year.
n.b I have worked at this company for 11 years including 24/7 email and phone availability, some long hours 36+ hours straight on rare occasions when required.
Above and beyond.
A usual day would be 9/9:30 - 6:30
Getting me home at 7pm
DH works in the same field and hours are

I get paid a decent salary but I'm looking into childcare options and whatever I do I seem to only come with £250 once over deducted childcare costs. And my travel would be £120 for the month.

So really what's the point?
How do people do it?

even more unreliable. He is on 100% commission so only gets paid if he works. Pays very well when he is working but have had 2 months this year with no work. So would have to live very tightly if we were to go onto one income, and he would be very stressed.

Aibu to just call it a day on my career and put all the pressure on my Husband to make enough money?
I don't think I'm ready, but I also don't want to miss out on seeing my child grow up for the sake of £80 a month!
Any advice would be appreciated.

At the end of the day I would do what makes you the most happy, there's always other jobs available when you want to loo. Babies are only babies for a short time

I agree that you need to so what makes your family happy.

But i disagrer there will always be other jobs available when you decide to return. Returning to work after lengthy break isnt easy. Especially if you want return to a career. Most jobs have many applicants and a recent gap can put you down the list, if many applicants have recent experience.

Best way to do it is to keep your hand in. Freelance, volunteering, studying etc.

There's no way I'd return to work for £80. Say it aloud and listen to how silly it sounds. I was weighing up a similar position myself, and I just couldn't justify it or make sense of it.

I had a really good career, in which I was successful, but I don't regret becoming a sahm for one second, especially when I would have been paying so much for others to raise my child, whilst having such little disposable income.

Thanks Babbity I do know how lucky I am to have had a year off. I don't know how you managed after 12 weeks. That must have been tough but I know many do and with less fuss than I'm making about it too!
It's good to hear that you have no regrets looking back. I am sure I will feel the same.

And remember OP- you and your dh will be raising your child whether one, both or neither of you work. You'll just be outsourcing some of the day to day tasks involved in child care if you're both working

@Argeles
This is exactly how I feel.
It seems bonkers.
Although pp have made good points about future earnings etc.

But my baby is only a baby right now, and won't be for long.

So conflicted. Which I think is totally normal but no one seems to talk about it irl.

Childcare is only super expensive for a couple of years then it is fine.
Think long term and stick at it. Otherwise you will lose out long term and probably only be able to go back to work with lower paid jobs.
If you can get part time you will have the perfect balance. You just need to suck up the initial cost.

Well first of all, £130 a month plus pension contributions isn't pointless, especially when you're on a highly variable income that won't necessarily cover all costs. Of course that doesn't mean its the right decision for you and the family either.

The model of one doing full time and one doing part time works well for many people. I see why you might gravitate to the idea of you staying PT in your current job and DH FT in his, but it seems that might not be possible. So why not look at other ways of achieving that? You don't mention whether he could work PT. Could he? What about looking for other roles in your field? Tbh, if you're being treated less favourably than other staff after so long there and so much commitment, that would piss me off enough that I'd want to go elsewhere anyway, quite apart from anything else.

Sorry If it's already been covered, but I can't see where you got £80 from. You say you have £250 after childcare costs and travel is £120 which leaves you with £130 not £80 or have I missed something? It's not a lot more I agree...

@Noregretsatall and @SenatorBunghole
God sorry! My mistake. Not sure what kind of maths I was doing there.

Yes it's £130

I would go back, while you may think you're not earning much you will still be paying NI (pension!) and if there's a company pension you will want to keep paying into it.

I think you have to take stock of what actually motivates you in life.

Does having a "career" actually motivate you? Do you live to work or work to live? Do you actually want to be working in your current area for say, the next 10 years or more?

What I would say to you is that the early years are extremely important and you can never get this time back.

Some children take well to long days in a nursery, but others don't. They survive, rather than thrive. It can be extremely stressful for young children to be exposed to noise, strangers and a more fixed routine all day. Not to mention the illnesses and bugs they're exposed to. Above all, nobody will love and respond to your child the way you do.

If you're gut-feeling is that you're not ready, then I would listen to that. The next 5 years could be a time to reassess and possibly retrain? You could start up a mini business around your DC? Tbh, for the time being, you could probably sell stuff on e-bay or do dog-walking - or even look after a friend's DC - to earn more than £80 per week!
There are so many more options for you going forward than being locked in to a full-time role.

Ask yourself what will matter when you're 80. Will you remember how fulfilled your job made you? Or will you remember that you never missed a day of your DC? We only live once!

You have a choice: short term pain for long term gain, or short term gain for long term gain.

If you stay in work you keep your skills current, your pay will increase, and you will continue to contribute to your pension.

If you leave work then while you wont notice a difference financially, in the long term it will be more difficult to get back into work as your skills wont be current, so you wont be able to pick up where you left off. You may have to retrain or take an entry level position. You may not get as much in your pension.

How many days a week would you be prepared to have DS not with a parent?

@Aashna7 - having a career doesn't mean a woman "lives to work". And retraining in 5 years time costs money (both opportunity costs and training costs). Starting from the bottom in a new career would just make it even less likely that the OP would want to go back to work- she'd be on a lower salary.

I'm not saying the OP should definitely go back to work, but it's not just about twee statements about "living to work" or "looking back when you're 80". She needs to look hard at what works for her financially, both long and short term.

There are so many similar threads lately and i am a bit surprised at some replies. Are people not stressed about the economy in the next few years?

'you can easily find job when you return'. Really? I hope you are right but there might be no many jobs by then.

OP i wouldn't rely on one SE income right now. The future in British economy -and global one- is very uncertain.
What some of us did 10 or 15 years ago and it worked ok, it is sadly not relavant to you .

Yabu. you go home with spare cash (even after travel). have you looked into tax credits? there are calculators online which let you check if/how much you would get once childcare is factored in and unless your family income isn't very high, you will get help with tax credits.

also, you keep paying into a pension and you stay in the working world. I have so many friends who couldn't get back after career breaks.

you had 12 months off - this is incredibly lucky and much more than most women can afford.

Saying that we are extremely lucky to have the amount of mat leave we do in this country and for a lot of places it is the norm to go back much earlier than what we do. So if it is what you want to do and you can afford the childcare then go for it

The key is a good work life balance. If you can get childcare near to your place of work or home it makes a difference.
Having a career is great fun. You are setting up your child for a great, secure future too.
The amount of money you are making is worthwhile. It is always risky to quit work and it puts so much pressure of your partner to bring home cash. Spreading the load is less stressful.

No way would I miss out on being with my children for such a paltry sum of money. They are huge hours to be away from your baby. I would rather take a gamble that I could find a job in 5 years time than miss out on such special years.

I worked for £10/month for a while (after childcare costs). Plus my pension. And it was time away from the kids! It's up to you, really.

You're also not missing out on your child's "special years". Sure you don't spend 24x7 with them, but you still see them morning and evening, have weekends together, holidays and look after them when they're sick. It's not like the kids will forget what you look like.

The first three months after I went back to work I made a loss as I was clearly a similarly paltry amount which I was then spending going out for lunches and drinks with friends and colleagues. Like you, OP, I was reluctant to go back to work when DC1 was 10mths old. Unlike you, I persuaded my employer to give me an extra three months off to take me up to Xmas. Those three months were so dull. All of the friends I'd made through NCT etc started disappearing back to work and I had no one left to hang out with. DD was napping less and became more interested in books and shape sorters and things but also became obsessed (in a totally normal way) with doing them over and over and over again. It drove me bonkers. I went skipping back to work when she was 15 months and haven't looked back. DC1 is almost 8 now, I have had DC2 (now 5) and I have a fantastic job (changed twice since going back after DC1). I am so glad that I kept my hand in as, as a family, we are in a much better financial position than those who gave up work and, personally, I have a much better job than I would have had had I given up work. It was also a lifesaver when DH unexpectedly lost his job.
Even after the first three months and realising that I couldn't afford childcare and my pre-DC social
life (and LK Bennett/Hobbs habit), I still enjoyed going to work. Yes, I didn't make much money but I saved the money I would have otherwise spent on activities, coffees etc for me & DD on those days. More importantly, I think I would have been driven insane being at home all of the time and would have ended up having to spend money sorting my mental health out.

Moose - Apologies for sounding twee. It just seems to me that if the OP has already been in this job for 11 years (i.e. since her early 20s), she may not be able to see that there are other options, beyond being locked into a full-time and rigid role.

I have a friend who is an ex-lawyer. She took an 5 years out, became super-fit during this time and now runs her own company which gets people from "couch to 5k" among other things. She is healthier and happier for it. I know others who have retrained online as interior designers, a nutritional therapist and a pilates teacher. Other friends have become tutors for 11 plus, having put their own DC through it. Another friend did a cake-making course and now has her own shop and looking to expand. Others have renovated flats etc. There are so many things you can do and sometimes having a career break gives you the opportunity to explore other challenges which may be more flexible and interesting, as well as lucrative.

Also, the OP is thinking she may have to hire a nanny to collect from the nursery as she doesn't get home until 7pm.

I'd personally not go back. Be with your baby. You can see how things go, live tightly and if things aren't working then you can look at re-entering the job market.