Burst into tears because I made DC miss their train?

[Stupidstupidmistake]

I feel awful.

DC works in London, it's a good job and did really well to get it. I drop off and pick up from station usually.

Today there were engineering works, so our nearest station was closed. I looked up the times for the next station on the line (which is open) and hustled DC out the door to get there.

When we arrived it had left 5 mins previously.

I couldn't stop crying for about 10 mins. Feel I have left DC down.

The next train was not for 30 mins. It gets into London 20 mins before their shift starts but it's a 10-15 min walk from the station and they have to change into uniform when they arrive...so it will be very tight.

I get really worried about timekeeping because I work somewhere where anyone who is even a minute late has it noted against their record, and if you're late 3 times (whether half hour each time or 1 minute) you get an informal warning. DC works for a different colour, and assures me they won't be in trouble if they are late, but I don't want them to get a warning for something that was entirely my fault, or to lose their (really good) job because of me.

Hence why I was so upset...but aibu to react like this?

I've sought help before with anxiety, but either get told to stop worrying and that people like me can't expect to get signed off work for every little thing (nice!) I should just accept I have a busy job and am under pressure. Or just pushing tablets at me. I'd try another surgery but all round here are over subscribed and not taking new patients.

You have been very unlucky with the doctors you have met, OP. It is a sign of a high level of anxiety that you were crying about something as unimportant as this. Could you go and see a private doctor, or similar? I´d really try to make a effort to find someone who will take this seriously if I were you.

Perhaps you should give the tablets a chance.

What's with all the gender neutral DC stuff?

You need to chillax.

I did try taking tablets prescribed for the full course but I didn't find they made any appreciable difference, they made me feel fuzzy and that made me more worried rather than less.

I think people have been quite harsh here. I often get upset and feel guilty for stuff that no know isn't really my fault. You may well be having problems and maybe meds would help. I have been on ADs for years, but at the moment I have stopped because I don't feel overly depressed or anxious and I feel like crying actually does me good. So yes, maybe an over reaction but so what. You are a kind caring person. Cry away. X

My mum was a crier OP. She would overreact a lot, to small silly things that other mums would shrug or laugh off. Consequently I've never been able to have a good adult relationship with her, as I'm always on edge about upsetting her. My heart pounds about a mile a minute in her company. If you're like this a lot then you seriously need to consider the impact you're having on your poor children.

I also couldn't have this conversation with my GP. They expect me to tell them what's wrong. So I couldn't describe this situation and ask for advice, they would be saying so what's wrong, what's the problem. Etc

What's with all the gender neutral DC stuff?

Does it make a difference what sex the child is, then?

Your reaction seems completely OTT and your anxiety seems out of control.

I'm also not sure just giving me tablets solves anything. I feel pretty overwhelmed most of the time, and tablets might dull those feelings but they're not going on solve my problems or suddenly give me less to do or worry about.

I feel like everything is spinning faster and faster and I can't keep up. I have numerous projects on the go at work, I have 1 week left before I go on holiday and must complete it all before then. Loads of stuff to do at home - an insurance claim for ex where originally insurers said they'd sort it all, now months down the line they couldn't find anyone to do the work so have said they want to offer me a cash settlement. And are phoning me 3 times a week to agree, which I can't till I get someone out to give me a quote for the work, difficult for same reason they couldn't get anyone, and I'm at work daytime when they all want to quote me...

I'd like a break from doing everything. I'm worn down by thinking of everything and deciding it all on my own.

(((Hug)))

It's hard sometimes when you're on your own & don't have anyone to make decisions with, especially if you're used to being able to do that.

How about seeing the 'picks' GP & getting them to sign you off work with stress?

You need to look for another job when you get back.

Can your ex not deal without the insurance?

You've got too much going on & it has pushed you to your limits. It's understandable.

Sorry that's my error, I meant for ex. short for for example, not for my Ex. It's stuff for me, I just can't do it all and I have no help.

Getting signed off work would cause me more problems if I'm honest. I only get limited sick pay (15 days) and I'm due to have a procedure later this year for which I'll need most of that. So I'd have to take time now unpaid. If my GP would sign me off even.

You need a new GP. Seriously, the attitude you've had from yours is awful - with anxiety it's not always a question of something in particular being specifically wrong, but your reaction to it.

As for not wanting to take the pills - I get that it won't solve your problems, but it may make you more able to solve them yourself. Anxiety and depression can be caused by imbalances in the brain chemistry; that needs to be resolved the same as it would in any physical illness. When I've suffered with anxiety before, everything just seemed utterly impossible and insurmountable; medication made it possible for me to tackle life myself.

(bear in mid too that there are various different kinds of medication out there, and the one you took may not work for you - you need a supportive GP who can prescribe you different pills/dosages until you get the right one for you.)

I had a GP once who I went to with PND. She told me to eat some chocolate and go for a nice walk (this after I told her I was afraid to leave the house. Some GPs don't have any clue about mental health, unfortunately.

It wasn't your fault your DC was late, and although I know it may seem like it at the moment, it's not the end of the world.