Burst into tears because I made DC miss their train?

[Stupidstupidmistake]

I feel awful.

DC works in London, it's a good job and did really well to get it. I drop off and pick up from station usually.

Today there were engineering works, so our nearest station was closed. I looked up the times for the next station on the line (which is open) and hustled DC out the door to get there.

When we arrived it had left 5 mins previously.

I couldn't stop crying for about 10 mins. Feel I have left DC down.

The next train was not for 30 mins. It gets into London 20 mins before their shift starts but it's a 10-15 min walk from the station and they have to change into uniform when they arrive...so it will be very tight.

I get really worried about timekeeping because I work somewhere where anyone who is even a minute late has it noted against their record, and if you're late 3 times (whether half hour each time or 1 minute) you get an informal warning. DC works for a different colour, and assures me they won't be in trouble if they are late, but I don't want them to get a warning for something that was entirely my fault, or to lose their (really good) job because of me.

Hence why I was so upset...but aibu to react like this?

Unless your DD has form for being late/leaving early/not turning up she will be fine.

I would suggest you seek some help for your anxiety around timekeeping. I find the thought of being late very stressful and am nearly always stupidly early for things but crying about a train that will get her there pretty much bang on time isn't healthy.

They didn't check times because I said I'd done it.

I do cry easily, but not normally quite this easily.

GPs at my surgery are either from the 'pull yourself together' school or 'here's antidepressants if things are upsetting you' neither approach I found that helpful really.

It was an overreaction - but frankly there's no one on the planet who hasn't overreacted at one time or another. The other day I spilt a load of tomato sauce on the kitchen floor and was absolutely distraught for about 10 minutes. Honestly, great big bodywracking sobs. My DH ended up having to tell me to pull myself together. But I'd just had a stressful day, was knackered, and was generally feeling a bit shit.

Yes I think you are being unreasonable. DS was late for his new job because of engineering works the other day. At the time I was in bed happily snoozing and didn't even know anything about it until he came home that evening.

You do sound quite anxious OP. I think you need to prioritise finding some strategies to help you chill a bit. You aren't doing your DC any favours either.

Are they not allowed to wear their uniform outside work?
Otherwise they could use the time waiting for the next train to get changed.

This isn't a normal reaction at all.

Everyone in London knows that there are massive issues with the railways this summer and Sunday's are bound to be worse. Employers, no matter how picky ( and you haven't said dc's employeEs are even that picky) know this and will understand that no person has any control over this.

If DC is several hours late it looks bad. A few minutes is just life.

You really do need to do some work on this. Crying for ten minutes isn't right at all. What happens with all the other minor annoyances of life?

You are overreacting. Dc caught a train, dc more than likely was there in time. If dc gets ticked off if dcs late, perhaps dc will check train times/rail works more carefully next time. All part of growing up and learning to be responsible for oneself. If you cry over this, what on earth do you do if something really goes wrong? Get a grip.

Well on this occasion I do think "pull yourself together" is exactly the right advice. Unless you have something else going on that is is making you very emotional at this time.

It's not Euston Station. The London end is fine, it's just some of the stations on our little branch line are closed, from our local station outwards, but are fine going towards the station from the next stop onwards.

There are engineering works often at weekends on our line, sometimes the local station is closed, sometimes trains are rerouted to another London station. It tends to change week by week.

I take the point I may be over involved. I suppose it's their first proper job. I don't want anything to go wrong!

Perhaps you should step back a bit then, give your DC a bit more independence and more of a chance to stand on their two feet. Then you also won't be putting yourself in a position which upsets you so much.

"DC works for a different colour, and assures me they won't be in trouble if they are late"

Shit happens. You're over-reacting.

Either they will arrive on time, or they will be 10 mins late and a simple "really sorry, normal train was cancelled - ill make up the time at lunch/end of the day" would suffice.
Seems employers really are getting less like this and more like how op describes, however it's not for you to be upset about, it's ypur kids job, their responsibility.

If DC is old enough to get a job, they are old enough to organise themselves getting there on time.

Your reaction sounds very OTT.

Yes, your reaction was extreme, but the most concerning bit is how you were the one checking on the train schedule for your adult child. You are doing them NO FAVORS. They are in the real world and it's time they start acting like it. If they are old enough to work, they are too old for Mummy to be holding their hand and making their travel arrangements. It's time to cut the cord and back WAY off. If they're late for work, that's their problem.

OP, I totally sympathise - it sounds like your present employers have really done a number on you! Luckily, your DC has an employer who sounds far more reasonable.

Op i mean this in a nice way and dont want to be horrible. You remind me of my mum. Who i do adore. Except everything is a big deal. Something goes wrong snd its a disaster. Something she does foes slightly wrong and she cries.

She gets over involved and always turns things into a stress. Dont do this. Both me and dbro do less with mum now vecause we cant cope with the drama.

Looking up train times - no big deal IMO. We do this for family sometimes. No matter their age.

The crying - especially if in front of the DC - not good.
DC would have either gone off to work worrying or thinking oh god mums crying over nothing a.gain.

Obviously you've been to the GP already OP. To know what the surgery's attitude to depression/anxiety is. Can you try a different GP?

My employers are pretty harsh, but that said my 2 previous employers were similar and lateness of even a few mins wasn't really tolerated unless it was literally a one off and never happened again.

I've spent the last 15 years worrying I was going to be late one too many times (the perils of public transport, one day due to a major accident it took me 2 hours to do a 30 min journey) I think I just want all my DC to understand they need to be on time, that lateness can be a massive thing to employers. I don't want to make them anxious to the extent I am though, that's for sure.

I've seen all 3 GPs at our surgery, 2 are the you're fine pull yourself together, the other just hands out tablets.

This feels like a massive overreaction.

DC is an adult, why is it up to you to make sure they get the right train?

Errrrr... I am sure it will be fine. Can't they just call their employer and explain? I think you might need help. This is not a normal reaction to your child being potentially 5 minutes late for work.

Public transport is unreliable. Trains get delayed and cancelled frequently. Your child will probably be late for work on more than one occasion. You will not be able to control this.

Now forgive yourself

OP, you say I don't want to make them anxious to the extent I am though, that's for sure but your reaction doesn't bear that out.

What is is that you want from your GP that you are not getting at the moment, is it something you can ask for? Do you want to talk to someone about this anxiety?

You tried your best. These things happen

I empathise OP, I get very anxious about being late, I remember being anxious about getting to primary school on time!

Your DS should be responsible for getting himself to work. If there's no alternative to you giving him a lift to train station fair enough (though factor in petrol when calculating his board) but he should be entirely responsible for looking up train times etc and give you fair notice of when he needs to get to the station for.