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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to lie?

83 replies

smashtheglass · 20/08/2017 10:41

Leading a bit of a double life at the moment as I have a job but haven't told people as it's not a job that gets much respect.

My best friend says I shouldn't do it because it's disgusting. My husband says it's ridiculous as I don't need to do it as he earns enough.

I only do 4 hours a week so AIBU to lie?

OP posts:

Ceto · 20/08/2017 11:18

Your friend is batshit. There is nothing whatsoever to be ashamed of in doing care work. Does she think people should lie about being nurses because that not only involves dealing with poo, wee and dribble but also vomit, blood and pus?

Gottagetmoving · 20/08/2017 11:25

Somebody has to do these jobs so what 'type' of person do your friends think should do it?
No one is too good to do this type of job.

Original poster

smashtheglass · 20/08/2017 11:25

I guess because it's not well paid, I don't know really. But I have opened my own bank account and I get around £45 a week so not bad really.

OP posts:

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 20/08/2017 11:25

Your friend is being immature and silly. I'd understand if they were 14 years old, Ooh yuk you touched poo, you smell! ..she needs to grow up.

Gottagetmoving · 20/08/2017 11:27

I guess because it's not well paid

It should be paid more. Your friend is a snob

glenthebattleostrich · 20/08/2017 11:28

You are helping elderly people stay in their own homes and providing a much needed service.

As a childminder my job involves wee, poo, puke and a hell of a lot of snot. I'm not embarrassed they are part of life.

SleightOfHand · 20/08/2017 11:29

New friend needed by the sounds of it.

FurryDogMother · 20/08/2017 11:30

I think you're wonderful to do what you do, and you should be proud of yourself. It's people like you who make such a difference to people like my bed-bound friend, and my aged father. It's not an easy job, and it's woefully underpaid - but most definitely worthy of respect, and you have mine.

Gorgosparta · 20/08/2017 11:32

Your friend is batshit

supersop60 · 20/08/2017 11:42

Thank you for doing that job. People like you are helping my FIL recover from his stroke.
And in general, people who work in public service - bin men, loo cleaners street sweepers etc should all get paid shedloads.

HiJenny35 · 20/08/2017 11:48

Really, you don't think that's a job that gets much respect? Then you are mixing with the wrong people, anyone who can help another with their personal care when they are at their lowest is amazing and deserve total respect. Without caring people in these jobs I'm not sure what we would do. Well done and thank you

Summerswallow · 20/08/2017 11:49

How odd. I have worked as a home carer, I didn't see it as something to be embarrassed about and I certainly wouldn't think anything about someone being one now, except how necessary and important their job is (but also how underpaid and hard work it is as well)

I have known quite a few friends over the years work in care as it is a good part-time job if you are looking for those 16 hours (e.g. one/two nights a week). They tended not to say in it long-term though, except those on the higher wage (e.g nurse doing elder care at home).

Summerswallow · 20/08/2017 11:52

As for 'disgusting', we will all get old or ill or disabled one day. I have provided personal care as a carer (cleaning up shit). No biggie. In fact, I take pride in making the person feel comfortable and making it ok and not a big deal. As you do when you change nappies.

volovont · 20/08/2017 11:52

Your friend is an arsehole.

It's an admirable job.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 20/08/2017 11:58

Your "best friend" is the disgusting one. Calling one of the most rewarding and hardest jobs disgusting. She may need one of these people who do that
'disgusting' job one day.
How dare she be so demeaningful.
A jobs a job. There's no shame in earning an honest living. I despise job snobs.
You're also being unreasonable for taking notice to her.
Its also okay for your dh to say he earns enough, but. You want your own money.

CadnoDrwg · 20/08/2017 12:00

Your friend should be ashamed of herself.

I have a few relatives that chose caring as a profession because their compassionate nature compels them to. I am so proud of them and the fact they give dignity and support to those who need it.

It's not a job I could personally do. I have neither the patience nor the empathy to carry out those tasks for someone I don't love but am utterly grateful there are people who do.

SheSaidHeSaid · 20/08/2017 12:03

Any person who cares for another has my utmost respect. Whether paid or voluntary.

Mrscropley · 20/08/2017 12:04

Op you do a job not many of us could do. Respect. .

SantanicoPandemonium · 20/08/2017 12:06

A close relative has recently gone into a care home, and the difference in her health and personality has been astounding. She's being looked after by people who are making a huge difference to her well being and it's improved her quality of life immeasurably.

You're doing a very important job, and making a big difference to the lives of the people you care for and their families. It's a hard, and often thankless, job and you should be proud of the help you're giving

ILoveMonkeys · 20/08/2017 12:10

Personally I think it is a job you should be proud of. Not many people would be able to do it.

Good on you for helping others even though your DH says you don't need to, shows what a good person you must be.

smurfit · 20/08/2017 12:14

It takes special people to be nurses and carers. I for one, am not one of them. It can't be an easy job at all and all the 'icky' stuff involved isn't something I would be good at dealing with. The patience involved is also not something I'm good at.

Instead of being embarrassed because of her poor attitude, think about how embarrassed she should be instead. The princess attitude where she's too good for an important role because it's sometimes less than glamorous isn't exactly an attractive quality.

emmyrose2000 · 20/08/2017 12:15

Carers do an amazing job and deserve a lot of respect (and more money than they get).

Your "friend" is the one being disgusting with her attitude, and your husband needs to get over himself and stop being ridiculous.

ItsNachoCheese · 20/08/2017 12:18

Your friend would do well to remember she will be elderly one day and may need home care assistance

Goingtobeawesome · 20/08/2017 12:19

Why lie? You're giving in to your friends stupidity. You're working. How can that ever be wrong? Even if you were working on a chat line through your own choice.

Decaffstilltastesweird · 20/08/2017 12:24

That is a job to be proud of! Your friend sounds like a shallow wanker tbh.

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