Gap yah at 49? Mid-life crisis? Self improvement? WIBU?

[Gingernaut]

I apologise for the length of this post.

I'm currently facing the end of a temporary (bank) contract and will be free from the beginning of September.

I'm living in a flat as my house is being fully refurbished. The work should be finished/I'll be moving back in at the end of September.

I have recently been diagnosed with ADHD-PI (the new name for ADD), I am in the early stages of my first prescription and currently getting doses tweaked. My next appointment is early October.

The first effects are subtle, but amazing. I can focus and concentrate for the first time ever.

Now, you little nest of vipers/bunch of champions, this is where you come in.

I am at a loss to know what to do next.

I don't have the qualifications required to start on a degree course.

I had to drop out of a Higher Tier GCSE Maths course earlier this year as the amount of work required on top of what was taught in the Lower Tier class was too much.

Over £800 down the fucking drain because I couldn't get my act together. I'm kicking myself, but enough self-flagellation.

I'm overweight (BMI 27), unfit with some mobility/foot and ankle issues, I can see my face and body deteriorating every time I see myself in the mirror, the menopause is starting to come in (hot flushes, hyperhidrosis and blotching blushes, nice), I'm wildly underqualified (washing beakers requires a degree, apparently) and I want to have a wishlist of stuff I want to achieve. Life goals.

I can't drive, have few friends (5 Facebook friends and some goodwill from my soon-to-be former colleagues), have cross-stitch projects I haven't touched in years and no family near me.

I'm the eldest of three, one abroad and one with kids in London.

All but one of my parents' entire generation are deceased. So far, nobody makes it past 69 in my family.

I have absolutely no clue what to do with myself, but I am conscious of the fact I have another 18/19 years before I retire and there's a good chance I won't see retirement. ☠

I'm 'lucky' in that both my parents are deceased and they owned property in London.

After an iniquitous amount of IHT, I am comfortable, and, with good money management, can afford not to work for a year or two.

Instead of launching into another frenzied and upsetting round of job searching, all the while trying to pack up the flat, move back into my house and settle all bills, I feel the need to take a step back and take stock.

I'm mortgage free. I have spare money and can pay for a holiday (visiting sibling abroad or something), courses, lessons and trainers.

I am conscious of the phrase "You can do anything, but you can't do everything".

Now I have the (drug assisted) capacity to focus and concentrate, all of a sudden, I'm like an over excited child in a sweet shop being told that I can only have one sweetie.

I have never been able to apply myself academically, beyond GCSE and ONC, would not know how to and don't know what to do first.

Life coaching? Careers coaching? Personal trainer? Full on therapy? Driving lessons?

So here are the questions.

WWYD?

What have you done?

How did you find the subject you wanted to study?

How did you 'commit' to a way of life?

There are children out there with a clearer idea of what they want to do than me and are striving towards career goals already.

Fuck me. I don't know what I'll eat for breakfast tomorrow.

Are there courses or lessons about life management? How to prioritise?

How does one acquire the nebulous, barely defined life skills that allow people to plan and execute, rather than letting life just hit you with random stuff?

This post has been edited by MNHQ

[Gingernaut]

The Academic New Year is looming.

I can't shake the feeling that it's got to be decided now.

I can take next week off, visit the colleges and see what's on offer regarding courses and support.

That wouldn't hurt, would it?

[Loopytiles]

What about doing maths GCSE again?

[Loopytiles]

Most colleges have evening events so no need to take time off work.

[Gingernaut]

Whether I want to take time off or not, is a moot point. I'm having it anyway.

My current contract finishes this week and I have nothing else lined up.

[justilou1]

Also remember that at the moment you're quite possibly a bit "high" from the meds and now may not be the time to be making big decisions like selling your house., etc.... This could be symptomatic of needing a medication tweak as well. Mention your thoughts to your doctor.

[Gingernaut]

I'm not selling my house!

The academic year is approaching and I don't think I'm ready for anything academic.

I'm looking towards craft clubs or adult education.

If I can get onto a course, that makes me a student and I can get an NUS card.

NUS card means cheaper stuff including membership of council gym and swimming facilities.

[TravellingFleet]

I also am neurologically diverse, and my GP, counsellor and I spent lots of time and energy researching the practicalities of taking a year to travel and volunteer. We agreed The lifestyle choices that would keep me safe and well during the year (which I've stuck to faithfully), and I have 3 back up plans if things go downhill. So far, the lifestyle has been enough to keep me well and there's been no need to move to contingency plan 1. At my GP's suggestion I came off medication in advance of the trip, but have supplies in case I need to start taking it again. I did a couple of trial trips to feel comfortable with this, so built up resilience step by step. It certainly is doable, but thinking it all through in advance with professionals makes things much smoother and happier.

[SpiritedLondon]

This thread has been really interesting just to see the diverse range of answers. I'm also at a cross roads trying to work out where my future lies. In your position I would remove myself from the hurly burly of life and head off to a wellness type retreat somewhere that appeals - for me in the mountains with a lake. I would do a little bit of yoga and some swimming , eat some good food ( maybe a few more veggies?) and spend some time thinking about the things that are important to you. Read lots of books , write your thoughts down. How do you feel being away from your normal world? Does it feel exciting and full of possibilities or do you feel awkward and uncomfortable? If you still feel the idea of travelling is a possibility you could look into TEFL ( teaching English as a foreign language) courses which can completed fairly quickly in the first instance. They do weekend sessions etc so you're not committing to anything long term if it's not for you. You then would have the potential to work overseas, meet new people and travel which might be the best of all worlds. Good luck whatever you decide. Ps I don't think time spent travelling is ever wasted.

[Gingernaut]

I've found a level 3, A Level equivalent course in laboratory skills in another town.

I'll ask about it Friday or next week. Practical stuff, rather than sitty downy brain hurty stuff.

[Gingernaut]

Or a couple of the emails I've sent in reply to job adverts by my hospital's bank system have received answers.

There might be another temp job opening up for a month or two...

[Gingernaut]

OK.

Decided to skip the world of academia this year. The ratty local college campus can wait.

I've got too much going on in September and October this year to be able to give any serious study my best shot and these college courses are so intensive that messing up even a couple of weeks can seriously screw the final grade.

I have booked a counselling session with a psychologist for next Saturday. Shopping list of issues to bring to that.

Have talked my way out of one temp job - not hard, had been hijacked by a manager who thinks £15k per year part time, data entry is no different to £18k full time pa to management, coz it's all secretarial, innit?

As the first couple of weeks in the job was almost entirely different to the one advertised, it was easy to turn it down.

I have agreed to meet someone about a full-time temp job tomorrow morning, but fully expect to talk my way out of it - I'm not looking for full-time work and responded to the advert automatically without looking at the hours.

I am extremely lucky. I have the opportunity to take time out and take stock. First world problems and all that.

I can work on a couple of charity 'things' which are due in September and I'm thinking of volunteering as well.

Must get on. Vacuuming to do. Washing to get done.

[Gingernaut]

I sent an email apologising for wasting time and withdrawing from the interview today.

[Gingernaut]

Today, I did fuck all except stuff my face and take a long, winding bus ride to another town.

I knew that would happen.

[IrenetheQuaint]

Nothing wrong with the odd day off - you probably need it! Don't let yourself get too discouraged, it sounds like you've made some good progress.

[NameChanger22]

If I was in your position I would go backpacking around Asia for a year. You're never too old. I always drop about 2 stone while I'm there, but gain a clear idea of exactly what I want to do when I come back. I've been 5 times and it always has the same effect. Most people would jump at the chance to have a trip of a lifetime.

All you have to do is sort out your place here (rent it out if you can), book return flights to Bangkok, pack a rucksack and go.

When DD is old enough I will be doing precisely this.

[Gingernaut]

I've been to an open mic session at a not very local library. It was nice meeting people and there was tall of me joining in next time. Ooer.

I've kind of made semi arrangements to be picked up for another open mic session in an even further away location.

Tomorrow I shall attempt to sort out my cv and look into driving lessons.

After visiting the house, collecting my mail and making enquiries with the builder.

[Gingernaut]

Brassed Off starring Jeffrey Holland, a collection of actors with local links and a local brass band.

I was crying by the end of it.

[Gingernaut]

First day of therapy yesterday and managed to baboozle the therapist.

Turned down an interview for a job in another city for a job which included comprehensive testing in a discipline I have no real interest in returning to.

Booked a couple of tickets to the local theatre and trying to sort out courses at the local adult education centre.

[Gingernaut]

bamboozle. FFS.

[Gingernaut]

And found my provisional driving licence.

That'll help. I've got a taster lesson on Wednesday....

[Notevilstepmother]

I remember your other thread, good luck with the driving. As for what to do with your life, I'm not the person to ask...

[Gingernaut]

I'm hoping to get some idea over the next year.

Therapy might help. Or it might not. Who knows?

[Gingernaut]

So I got up yesterday and set about claiming a tax rebate - that took nearly an hour after two attempts at verification, sorted out some paperwork to photocopy to claim some money back and set my bag up with all the relevant paperwork in a folder. I also needed to hand in my last timesheet to be handed in before 09:30 to be paid on Thursday.

Add a carrier bag of magazines for waiting areas and this morning, I was off to join the commuters.

I was on the bus before I realised I forgot my lanyard so I couldn't access the library photocopier.

I was in the office, standing beside the in-tray before I realised I forgot the timesheet.

I got the copying done at the library at over triple the price and I'll bring in the timesheet tomorrow to be paid next Thursday.

This is me on tablets.