Gap yah at 49? Mid-life crisis? Self improvement? WIBU?

[Gingernaut]

I apologise for the length of this post.

I'm currently facing the end of a temporary (bank) contract and will be free from the beginning of September.

I'm living in a flat as my house is being fully refurbished. The work should be finished/I'll be moving back in at the end of September.

I have recently been diagnosed with ADHD-PI (the new name for ADD), I am in the early stages of my first prescription and currently getting doses tweaked. My next appointment is early October.

The first effects are subtle, but amazing. I can focus and concentrate for the first time ever.

Now, you little nest of vipers/bunch of champions, this is where you come in.

I am at a loss to know what to do next.

I don't have the qualifications required to start on a degree course.

I had to drop out of a Higher Tier GCSE Maths course earlier this year as the amount of work required on top of what was taught in the Lower Tier class was too much.

Over £800 down the fucking drain because I couldn't get my act together. I'm kicking myself, but enough self-flagellation.

I'm overweight (BMI 27), unfit with some mobility/foot and ankle issues, I can see my face and body deteriorating every time I see myself in the mirror, the menopause is starting to come in (hot flushes, hyperhidrosis and blotching blushes, nice), I'm wildly underqualified (washing beakers requires a degree, apparently) and I want to have a wishlist of stuff I want to achieve. Life goals.

I can't drive, have few friends (5 Facebook friends and some goodwill from my soon-to-be former colleagues), have cross-stitch projects I haven't touched in years and no family near me.

I'm the eldest of three, one abroad and one with kids in London.

All but one of my parents' entire generation are deceased. So far, nobody makes it past 69 in my family.

I have absolutely no clue what to do with myself, but I am conscious of the fact I have another 18/19 years before I retire and there's a good chance I won't see retirement. ☠

I'm 'lucky' in that both my parents are deceased and they owned property in London.

After an iniquitous amount of IHT, I am comfortable, and, with good money management, can afford not to work for a year or two.

Instead of launching into another frenzied and upsetting round of job searching, all the while trying to pack up the flat, move back into my house and settle all bills, I feel the need to take a step back and take stock.

I'm mortgage free. I have spare money and can pay for a holiday (visiting sibling abroad or something), courses, lessons and trainers.

I am conscious of the phrase "You can do anything, but you can't do everything".

Now I have the (drug assisted) capacity to focus and concentrate, all of a sudden, I'm like an over excited child in a sweet shop being told that I can only have one sweetie.

I have never been able to apply myself academically, beyond GCSE and ONC, would not know how to and don't know what to do first.

Life coaching? Careers coaching? Personal trainer? Full on therapy? Driving lessons?

So here are the questions.

WWYD?

What have you done?

How did you find the subject you wanted to study?

How did you 'commit' to a way of life?

There are children out there with a clearer idea of what they want to do than me and are striving towards career goals already.

Fuck me. I don't know what I'll eat for breakfast tomorrow.

Are there courses or lessons about life management? How to prioritise?

How does one acquire the nebulous, barely defined life skills that allow people to plan and execute, rather than letting life just hit you with random stuff?

This post has been edited by MNHQ

[MyMorningHasBroken]

And fwiw, I have a degree and other qualifications and really struggle to find work over min wage. It helped me in my TEFL career, but that's about it. Hands on experience is what you need to try and aim for.

[theancientmarinader]

I'm loving the idea that Tech might have had to come up with a quick 'search and replace' for 'cunt' across the whole of mn though. It may actually bring the whole site down. Who needs Jeffrey?

[Gingernaut]

Yeah, I asked MN to change cunts to champions. After user1490465531 complained....😳

[user1497435493]

@buttholeinone

Was it cunt mentioned upthread? Why would they take it out though?

Yeah that would be weird.

As for the OP, @gingernaut - I would defo take a year out if you can. Sounds like fun!

is 27 BMI really overweight?

[user1497435493]

Sorry about that @gingernaut!



I just fucking hate bad bastard shitting language!

[Gingernaut]

I have experience, but employers are bastards for the essential qualifications being a 2:1 in a relevant subject, nowadays. 😣

[user1497435493]

Ooops, my bad. I thought you were saying (as a joke,) that I had complained, but you meant another 'user-name...'

Sorry

[Gingernaut]

For 'normal' people i.e. not elite athletes or someone with a medical condition, 20-25 is within normal range. Anything above 25 is overweight, 30+ is obese and 40+ is morbidly obese.

I was a hair's breadth away from being morbidly obese and now there's a little distance between me and obese.

[Gingernaut]

No, not you, user1497435493.

The other user upthread - user1490465531

[Nemo1986]

This is a pretty exciting situation to be in! Though I understand you're overwhelmed.

If I were in your shoes I would:

Autumn:

1. Look for a coach to talk things through with. I can't recommend one I'm afraid, but I expect google can help? They will help you to find your motivations and make a plan based on that.
   

1. Join a holiday tour, maybe a cruise, something that is not too stressful and will give you time to think about your career.
   

1. Think realistically about what sort of job you would like to have and what you will need to do it. You're looking at 5+ years of studying to get from GCSE level to getting a degree. It will be a huge financial and time commitment. In my opinion you'd do well to choose a career requiring training at diploma level. For example a pharmacy technician, or a veterinary nurse or a higher level teaching assistant are all jobs which pay reasonably and require specific training at NVQ or Diploma level. Figue out what GCSEs you'll need to get there. Visit a careers advice centre for help researching and planning next steps.
   

1. Join a gym and get a personal trainer.
   

New Year:

1. Put your career plan into action and apply for courses ready to start in September.
   

1. Learn to drive and buy a car
   

1. Develop a skill or interest or volunteer in the community.
   

Spring / Summer:

1. Go on another holiday
   

1. Get ready to start your studies in September!

[justilou1]

Hi OP - like you, I was diagnosed well into adulthood. The medication is awesome, but you have a lifetime of bad organizational habits to unlearn as well. Also, be aware that traveling with this medication can be difficult due to legalities in different countries. (Also can be very hard to get prescriptions for...)

[Puggsville]

Tell me more about how you were diagnosed and what medication you're on. Please!

[Gingernaut]

I actually took advice from MN

It's the first time I've ever been prescribed something like this and I'm still at the dose tweaking stage.

[Gingernaut]

justilou1 - exactly. The sibling abroad lives in a country where drugs are a big thing.

It's the first time I've ever had to show photo ID to the pharmacist to get my prescription...

[Gingernaut]

The medication is awesome, but you have a lifetime of bad organizational habits to unlearn as well.

Absolutely. Although I was complimented on some of the ways I've been coping with it, I have no clue how to study effectively, prioritise or develop skills.

[Witchitywoo]

Following with interest as in a very similar situation. At the moment I'm hankering to sell my house and go to Nepal for a month on a yoga detox course!

[Gingernaut]

In theory, leaving work would leave me with time on my hands, but yes, I do feel the need to take myself away somewhere quiet.

[Loopytiles]

I think regular, paid work of some sort would be good for stability (and your CV) until you have a clearer plan.

[Dina1234]

In your position I would star my own business. Take some book keeping/business planning courses. Come up with something that you would enjoy doing that could also turn a profit whether it is cabdkemaking or dog training and go out there and build you business so that you never have go back to a nine to five job.

[Gingernaut]

I'm all over the place tbh.

Work. Don't work. Part time. Full time.

My enthusiasm wanes with my attention span.

I can't imagine being self employed as I've seen family members do that and it's even harder than employment.

The work, the application and the time involved.

There's no life outside constantly working, book keeping and drumming up trade.

[TheBusThatCouldntSlowDown]

Witchitywoo

Following with interest as in a very similar situation. At the moment I'm hankering to sell my house and go to Nepal for a month on a yoga detox course!

Don't sell your house for that! You can do Nepal really cheaply, especially if only for a month. I bet you could live the super high life there, including all flights, yoga and accommodation, for less than £1.5k. That way you'll still have your house which you could then sell and go to live in a beach hut in Tahiti

[Dina1234]

I would reccomend Nepal, really great, you could try trecking in order to loose some weight if you wanted.

[Gingernaut]

Trekking in a foreign country with mobility issues. With a supply of controlled drugs. Fantastic idea.

[Loopytiles]

If you're "all over the place" paid work is preferable to a break IMO, until you're clearer on what might come next.

If you have challenges when it comes to learning/gaining qualifications it might be sensible to "start small" and flexible.

[IrenetheQuaint]

I took a Gap Yah (well - a half-Yah) in my mid-30s between careers and it was great. I can't say I achieved anything amazing, but I did some fantastic travelling, saw friends and did up my flat, and returned to full-time work with renewed energy.

However - I was in rather a different situation from you, OP, as I had all the qualifications I needed to pursue my new career. And I did find that it was very easy for the time to flow pleasantly by without actually achieving anything. So you might want to take just a month out first, to see your sibling abroad and chill a bit, then make a more structured plan.