To think Londoners are v unfriendly

[maggieryan]

I've moved over from Ireland to London. Big move and im very happy with my decision BUT finding people so unfriendly. Walk into a.shop and try to have a bit of chit chat and nothing., I tried talking to neighbours and barely any response.. Taximen barely speak where as in Dublin you cant shut them up.im not unlikable, plenty of friends and loads of family but maybe im just used to Dublin. Im only finding my feet so I probably need to give it time??

Welcome to London Maggie! I felt really sad reading your post as I'm a Londoner and love how friendly everyone is and how me and my kids have friends from all over the world. Everywhere I've lived in London my neighbours have become friends. I don't agree that 'real Londoners' (whoever they are) are more friendly than people who've moved from elsewhere. I live in a Turkish/Kurdish area and people are very, very friendly.

3 thoughts:

1. Lots of wealthy people have moved into Camden and they can be a bit more standoffish in my experience.

1. Being a big city, there are probably more people who've been victims of racist or other abuse (especially cab drivers and people in shops) and crime, or have mental health problems, and so people can feel vulnerable with strangers in case they suddenly turn nasty. For example, pickpockets sometimes operate by one chatting to you to distract you while the other goes in your bag. As people start to recognise you, I'm sure they'll begin to greet you and trust you by opening up a bit more.

1. Not everyone (incl. people who work in shops and taxi drivers) speaks as good English as they appear to and your accent might be a bit trickier to understand. My friends whose first language isn't English were very shy to speak too much when we first knew each other, but do persevere as it helps them too. When I lived in Spain, my neighbours persevered and it helped my Spanish improve a lot.

Good luck!

The comparisons are silly, London is not far off the population of Scotland and Republic of Ireland put together. Much more transient and more cultural diverse in a dense area. DP originally from Ireland his family that moved to London are very spread out over London and Essex and younger generations moving even further afield, whereas the family that stayed behind still all live within a mile of the church.

I am not London born and bred but I have lived there on and off for about 15 years so I do consider myself a Londoner. I am Scottish and a bit chatty so do always engage if someone speaks to me, and I do chat to my neighbours and my local shopkeepers, but am also quite happy to keep myself to myself a lot of the time if I am preoccupied with work or something.

However what I came on to say was that I've been on maternity leave for the last year and have been astounded by how chatty people have been as I have been out and about, both heavily pregnant and then with the baby. It is rare that I go on a bus trip without getting into a conversation with somebody, but it's inevitably sparked off by a comment about the baby. He is quite a smiler so he seems to break the ice.

OP one thing to bear in mind is that a lot of people you meet in the street don't speak good English and so might not have picked up what you said (especially with a strong Irish accent/colloquial turn of phrase) or else they might simply lack the vocabulary and confidence to respond. For example my cleaner is Colombian and is a right gasbag in Spanish but talk to her in English and she's a rabbit in the headlights.

Hi
I'm Irish, from Dublin, and moved here 25 years ago. London is really friendly, it's just a group of villages. Once you start frequenting the same places people will get to know you and chat to you - but not on the same level as Dublin - people are a lot more reserved and a lot less pass remarkable so keep it to the weather etc If you've just arrived you may find you're speaking too fast to be understood - I really struggle with the speed of speech in Dublin these days after being away for such a long time away. The London Irish Centre is fab if you're missing home, or try the Dublin Castle pub - very friendly young crowd. You'll soon settle in and feel a little less isolated - I've never had any regrets about my decision to move over and stay and I really think London is one of the friendliest places where you can still feel anonymous without everyone knowing your business.

Maybe get yourself down to Camden Irish Centre to find like minded folk.

Seriously though, as PP have said, black cab drivers will chat your ears off. Befriending the local corner shop owner will make a big difference too. If your attempting chit chat on Camden High Road then you're most likely to be talking to tourists anyway (probably wary of over friendly people trying to do a swifty with them).

Hang in there, you'll see that London is great.

I lived in London 10 years never had a problem

Hi Op,

I find London to be great. I never shut up talking and people are always chatting back to me. Sometime people look at me like I've two heads but I don't let it get to me. Carry on as you are and you'll find people who will start talking back. Not everyone is unfriendly

Londoners aren't rude. You're rude.

Londoners have a negative politeness culture: www.citymetric.com/horizons/tube-chat-badges-show-london-isnt-rude-it-has-negative-politeness-culture-2481

I'm not sure that going to the London Irish Centre is good advice. You might as well have stayed at home!

I'm also from Ireland and found Londoners very friendly while on holiday. So many people smiled at my baby on the tube or offered to help with the buggy going up stairs. I found people working in cafes and shops etc equally frienly to those in Ireland.

Are you from a city in Ireland or the countryside?

I always find Londoners very friendly. When the DC were in pushchairs there were always people offering to help getting in and off the tube etc. and up and down stairs. I find people very helpful when you ask for help with directions and chatty on the whole, especially with my DC. I don't tend to go to the very posh areas-don't know if that makes a difference?

PS am from Wales so am used to talking to random strangers on the bus/train and usually carry on doing it when I go to London; no one looks at me funny!

The Irish are known for being very chatty and friendly so there will be a marked difference. We are friendly though, just have to catch us at the right time!

My mother is Irish. From Dublin. She's quite shy and a spikey old cow at times.

I'm a born and bred Londoner, and have lived in 5 different areas of London over the years, but I agree with you op.

I live in a 'desirable ' and 'affluent' area of West London currently, and have done so for over 3 years. My DH and I were very excited to move there, but we HATE it and cannot wait to be able to afford to move away (that will unfortunately be a long time away). We love the transport links, and lots of facilities and amenities are great, and we love our flat, but the people are miserable, unsociable fuckers. I have never met such a large amount of these type of people before, and we both find our town centre completely depressing due to these people.

Two of the other areas we lived in were in affluent Central London areas, and there was just a complete lack of community unless you were of an Arab or Middle Eastern background. Everyone seems too busy the whole time, or is a tourist or is too absorbed in their own community to bother with anyone else.

I lived in another very affluent area in North London, and the people just wanted to 'be seen,' and would be posing in restaurants, bars and the street the whole time. The only kind of community to exist was amongst older people who have lived there for years and were homeowners.

The best area for me in London, is in South East (almost at the border with Kent). The people are very down to earth and there is a community feeling. People still know and talk to their neighbours, people talk on the buses, and in shops the assistants will chat with you. It's the area I grew up in, and I worked in a shop there too whilst I was a student, and I was never short on conversation - and it's not just the elderly who talk to you either. Many would say the area seems quite rough, and it certainly isn't affluent, but at least my neighbours would bother to do something if they hadn't seen me for a few days. That to me is what is important, not how affluent or gentrified an area is. My DH would always go for affluent and gentrified areas, but he is reluctantly realising that they're fake and soulless - especially where we live now.

I agree with a previous poster who said that Cockneys are very friendly and welcoming and have a community spirit. It's such a shame that the majority of them now reside in Essex and further afield.

I am sick to death of miserable, unsociable people, and I would even move out of London to enjoy a better community, but my DH wouldn't as he thinks London has too many other great things going for it.

I have a friend who has moved to Hertfordshire, and 2 family friends who are moving to Bristol - all of them born and bred Londoners, and all fed up with the people.

They're not unfriendly, just disinterested. A very self centered place.

OP I think it says more about Camden than London. I am Irish and lived in London for a few years during the 90s as did most of my siblings. My mum who lives in Dublin started visiting us spanning the years when she was 60 to 75 years of age and she was always out and about on her own walking, on buses, going to the shops, having lunch etc while we were at work and she thought people in London were gorgeous. She chatted to everyone and they chatted away.

I don't live in London now but go to London for work on my own a few times a year and find it such a place. When I lived in SE London about 25 years ago I knew people in local shops, restaurants, pubs etc and had a brilliant social life. I walked a neighbour's dog and met loads of people in the park and out walking.

I do think life can be frenetic in London and stress levels can be high so I get it that people don't want to engage especially on the tube! A lot of people just want to get back to the quiet of their own homes.

I also took an evening course and met people on my course. We got friendly and I made a really good friend who I kept in contact with.

It does take time and you sound friendly so try not to worry things will get easier. You are probably experiencing a bit of culture shock. I hope things start to get better soon.

I found it really easy to widen my circle of friends because I found everyone so much more open to inviting friends of friends to events. Suppose you need one or two friends to give you an 'in' tho.

So like back home I'd invite 3 friends for dinner at my house. That's quite a closed thing to do. In London we all meet up out and about much more so it's cool to bring your work mate or your netball friend or your boyfriends sister etc.

Then we friend steal anyone we like :-)

I'm Scottish and went to London a few weeks ago, expecting to experience this unfriendliness I'd heard affects poor London! It was nothing like that! Admittedly most of the people I spoke to were in shops/hotel/restaurants etc so paid to be nice but there were also others who for example offered to help me get my luggage and buggy down the stairs and a lovely couple and their wee girl we met in Starbucks when it was pouring down, our kids had a great time playing together. I think Londoners get unfair bad press when it comes to friendliness!

Its not as unfriendly as Cambridge lived there for most of my life, lots of friends and family, but out and about with strangers is not fun.

I'm from Leeds (very friendly) and now live in Norfolk (very very friendly)

I've always found London helpful and practical, but not necessarily chatty. Still love it though, especially Camden, you lucky thing

@Rapunzelfreed

This "real Londoners are friendly" stuff is complete nonsense. Most born and bred Londoners are not some Dick van Dyke cockney stereotype.

No it's not nonsense at all. And I didn't say original Londoners are like Dick van chuffing Dyke! I said they are just quite friendly.

I take as I find, and I stick by what I say, that the original Londoners are pretty friendly and generally OK, but the folk who moved there from elsewhere are not as friendly. I have been there enough times (and lived there for 3 years some years back,) so I am qualified to comment and have an opinion.

Some others on here agree with me too. So you can't say it's 'nonsense.' It's people views and experiences and opinions.

Why are people rushing in London?

Well the size of the place & time being a finite resource does tend to have something to do with it for most people - you can't really say I'll just leave this meeting early so I can have a nice leisurely wee stroll back to my office, for example. People have long commutes at each end of the day on unpleasantly crammed public transport so they will speed along the walked part of those journeys to try to ensure getting to & on buses/trains/tubes/trams (the riverbuses aren't quite so insanely packed). Most of us DO factor in contingency time for TFhelL & others to stuff up (oh SE Fail, how do I loathe thee, let me count the ways...) but it doesn't take much to lose that.

Londoners can be fairly frantically overscheduled as well. Because there is so much happening people will be rushing to, say, try to get to a dentist appointment after work before the opera. People will also make journeys that they can only just manage - people haring to ballet class after work, for example - and a big part of what slow them down is other people, which will add to the disinclination to talk.

Oh & of course, then there's me: I rush - in the sense of walking quickly - because walking slowly is excruciatingly painful & greatly increases the chances of my falling, but I don't imagine that's terribly usual (I do have a slower pace for Brownie-herding purposes, but it's still reasonably brisk. Falling over while herding definitely not a plan, but I don't want to walk the legs off my tiny ones either! Speaking of Brownies, while I'm a bit biased because my Brownies are the best in the world ever & I'm ridiculously excited about term starting next month, would you think of maybe volunteering with Girlguiding? We are very friendly & it doesn't matter if you were never in IGG/CGI...)

Cheeky little brownie guide plug there???

Eh @ZebraOwl

goes to look at link.

Lived in London for two years and visit frequently. Always found the place very friendly. When I was obviously lost people would volunteer directons etc.

Not quite like Glasgow where folk start up random conversations. Looking at bedding in John Lewis inBuchanan St today and a woman said to me 'king size is so much more expensive. Should have just got a double but then I'd be closer to the bastard.' Random.