Moving to London. AIBU, or is my mum?

[purpleroses78]

Thought I'd let the lovely ladies of Mumsnet weigh in here.

I am due to move to London (not even central - I'm in the suburbs) on Thursday. We're from a super tiny rural village, which my parents have never left and is pretty much 100% white. Sadly to say, DM is pretty racist. After the events in Barcelona/Finland, DM keeps making teary declarations about me being blown up. She won't visit because she doesn't like multiculturalism and is convinced she'll die in an attack. I am an only child (21yo for reference) and DM has some extreme 'precious first born' tendencies towards me. But she thinks I shouldn't move because 'terrorism/rape/knives/guns/murder/mopeds' and is really putting a downer on me. Am I really going to get stabbed to death in the street?! Or is she insane?? How do I make it to next Thursday without absolutely losing it at her? Have tried showing her statistics but she thinks it's some kind of government conspiracy and won't believe them.

Living in a small, non diverse place is no excuse for being racist.

And tell her to stop talking to you about her anxieties and manage them herself.

I don't think it's real worse than anywhere else is it? I mean things 'could' happen anywhere.
I'm from London and lived there until I was 20 (I went to uni in another city 250 miles away roughly). I was always fine. As were my family.
I don't deny that I'm so much happier living in my uni city (where my dh is from), and I wouldn't move back to London, just because I prefer the pace of life up north, and I'm happier here full stop. But that's just a personal preference. Plenty of people are very happy living there.

OP, when I was about your age my family rented a cottage in rural kent for xmas. Where I proceeded to have a row with my DF about him banning us from going out on foot on the basis that we might get murdered. The Chillenden killings had been recent in time and distance . Yes, there are some kinds of crime/ASB that are more likely in cities (18 yrs in dodgy bit of inner london here), but grim random stuff can happen anywhere.

London's great. The diversity brings excitement and opportunity to have new experiences. Admittedly it's more likely than a tiny village to have a terrorist attack but with the millions of people who live, work, and visit here you're still very VERY unlikely to get caught up in one.

Mugged by a womble

When I lived in a quiet place I used to shit myself just taking the bins out at night. Too dark, too scary. In London... out til all hours. It's actually very safe having so many people around (obviously though, I'm not going down dimly lit alleyways at 1am).

BTW, Wimbledon is fab.

Wimbledon isn't exactly the slums of London . I live near there and it's really quite nice (South Wimbledon less than Wimbledon Village, but it's all relative). If you take normal precautions - don't flash money or expensive gadgets around, try not to come home drunk and on your own at 1am unless you get a lift/taxi to your door etc.

I've lived in some very much 'worse' places in London and have never felt in any danger (I moved here when I was 19 and starting my degree) so honestly I'm sure you'll be fine!

Many years ago, when I moved to London for university, I had my hair cut short thinking long hair would make me vulnerable to attack (encouraged by my DM). Looking back it wasn't necessary!

You do have to be careful in some parts of London but the fact is you find weirdos everywhere, and you can be unlucky anywhere. I don't feel unsafe in London but then I purposely don't wear expensive jewellery.

London is fab. But do be careful with your phone in public. Moped muggings are pretty real and I know someone who was mugged in Hampstead and another in Clapham in the last few weeks.

They seem to target more affluent areas as the spoils are greater.

WRT Terrorism I'm afraid I adopt an "if we stop living they win" attitude and I've been involved in the emergency response to July 7th, Westminster Bridge and Borough. With different actions on those days I could easily have ended up where the attachers were. I also live within 500m of one of the attack sites and photographs taken practically outside my front door were in mainstream media around the world (I know because friends kept messaging me).

I would just ignore your Mum. It is your life and you have to live it the way you see fit.

I lived in Wimbledon/Putney/Southfields when I was at university. It's a great place. My mum was the same when I moved down there (IRA were the threat then). Thing is terrorists can hit anywhere - Warrington being an example.
The racist part is wrong - just go and enjoy your new life

Good luck with your move. You will be fine. I've lived in London for 5 years. I'm in the suburbs now but until a couple of years ago I lived centrally (and in a fairly rough area) and was absolutely fine. I actually feel slightly more vulnerable now in the suburbs as when I lived centrally there were always so many people around you'd never be alone walking down a street at night. Although bad things do occasionally happen it's not massively likely and London is certainly not an unsafe place to live. I hope your mum changes her mind and comes to see you so she can see for herself what a great city it is.

Wimbledon is lovely. I spent a blissfully happy 18 months there. It doesn't really feel like London, just a lovely small town in easy reach of Central London with lots to do and most of the shops you'd ever want or need. Enjoy!

Sorry to hear your mum's is putting a downer on your move, it's easy to say don't listen/take it to heart, but harder to do. Hopefully she will calm down soon.

I live in central London and have 2 young children. You'll love it and it honestly feels very safe. Also lived in Wimbledon before children and it has a lovely 'village' quality to the area. I have lived here full time since 19. When I first moved here I lived in Shorditch, a very multiculturally- diverse, vibrant part of town in a flatshare with fellow students and despite my parents having reservations they actually came to love the area. I second advice from others, take lots of photos on your phone of beautiful London places that your mum will like and identify with- think Royal Parks, sculptures in museums, Big Ben etc and text them to your mum. Remember she is only being concerned because she loves you, even if some of her cultural views are a bit outdated. She is probably scared of other cultures too as she doesn't come in contact with different nationalities of people on a daily basis, where she lives, you can educate her on the benefits of a melting pot of people and cultures in London vicariously.

Its her anxiety. Just keep saying the same thing..l' ll be fime mum dont worry. Dont engage too much in the conversations. Its hard being an only dc in this situations. My ds is travelling at the moment in a danger enough area. As l was listing how possible dangers my other two were adding to the list with the maddest ideas of things that might happy. This sorted my anxiety pretty quickly. Tell her you will keep in touch regularly and visit home too.

I live down the road from Wimbledon, not much happens round here.

I'm a born and bred Londoner, survived the IRA bombing campaign, 'Islamic' terrorism etc.

Wimbledon is lovely! And has nice shops. But no pound shops. "We don't have pound shops here" I was told when enquiring about them once (needed some bits for work, I do a slightly weird job)

The village is very naice. Normal Wimbledon is also fine. And you can come to Croydon on the tram (but don't because why would you, if you are in Wimbledon, aside from I live there so I love it and am biased).

I'm from here and lived here all my life except for uni. Love the multiculturalism and all the things on offer such a short distance away. You will have a lovely time.

Wimbledon?? 😂😂😂 You might get mown down by a yummy mummy in Sweaty Betty pushing a Stokke pram but that's about it.

Lovely part of London - good luck with the move OP.

My mum would be just the same, OP Deep down I know it's because she loves me so much (only child), but she's constantly worrying and once told me when I was going to a meeting in London not to give my VISA card to tramps!!

London is the best city in the world! Wimbledon is green, safe and suburb-like. Congratulations.

London is a shithole. And I say that as a multi-generational Londoner. Unless you're moving to make a fortune (are you in finance? Law? Property?) you'd be better off in your lovely village surrounded by your family and friends. Come to get it out of your system but don't lock yourself in.

I wonder what newspaper mum reads 🙄

Wimbledon is lovely. We lived near there for ten years without any problems. Once we moved out to the shires we saw many more instances of petty crime people acting like knobs in the city centre.

Born and bred Womble here. You are more likely to get tripped up by yummy mummy and her precious moppets than anything. I was wandering around Wimbledon on my own at your age. My parents wouldn't let me walk on the common on my own and I was followed home once walking on the common alongside Parkside (main road, very posh houses, heading towards Wandsworth) and I would say that advice still holds.

You have Elys! Elys is a department store that was central to my mother's life. Ooooo, and Fielders which is a bookshop that's been there for ever. I spent a lot of time in these two shops when growing up. You will discover the joys (not) of the 93 bus. South Wimbledon is a bit less naice but not too bad. Honestly, she's being utterly daft. Wimbledon station is quite large. The main hoo haa that happens there is on the rare occasion when girls from the two rival all girls schools have a fight but even that might not happen now (big fight in the early 80s). I would feel more eekish walking home along very quiet rural roads at night than in Wimbledon. Keep your wits about you and you will be fine.

shes probably just pissed off your leaving her and your hometown, my mum was liked this and i had only moved 3 bloody miles away

Wimbledon and SW London is a lovely area, Wimbledon village is rather swish even by London stabdards (a bit like Primrose Hill). As with any urban area a good dose of common sense is worth applying to prevent issues.

To put your Mum's mind at rest you could always get and carry a personal alarm. The Suzy Lamplaugh Trust do some excellent ones. Having one on your pocket will also give you reassurance if ever you find yourself out late or alone.

Join a couple of local social groups to explore your new home in an affordable way- Meetup has loads of groups.

In terms of the racism that is unacceptable and I loved growing up in multicultural London. Perhaps you could send her postcards from fun days out that will encourage her to visit as her racism could be based on fear of the unknown.

By the way, as you will be in Wimbledon take the train or bus a couple of stops to New Malden and tuck into a Korean feast at one of the restaurants on the High Street. So tasty that my mouth is already watering....mmmm....