I am not tidying up AGAIN!

[Ilovechocolate111]

So at 7am I started tidying up before the kids (aged 2. 4. And 5)woke up.
They woke up at 8am down stairs spotless! Within 10 minutes it looks like a bombs gone off! So I tidied it all up again. Husband said God you wouldn't think 3 kids live here it's immaculate....
So at 11.30 my husband decides to start making lunch for everyone (he hardly ever cooks)
So he used 4+ pots and pans so many knife and folks and spoon ect.
He did the children a beef burger even tho I told him they won't eat a full one and they will defiantly won't eat a bap. So he gives it then anyway...
There is now food everywhere off the kids chucking it AWAY. Dirty pots and pans all over the kitchen. And husband has done fuck all. So he is now thinking I will be cleaning it up. Well I'm not. I'm fed up of wanting me house clean for my kids but this is the thanks I get!
I clean up at least 5 times in 1 day! And now I've had enough! Aibu to go on strike!

I've got a fridge magnet that says "tidying the house while the kids are growing is like shovelling snow while it's still snowing"
We have always had one room that we declared a toy free zone. It helped a bit.

So you pay the rent?
Bills?
Food?
For the children?

And he pays for days out?

And you do all the cleaning and child care.
And he plays with them for 10 minutes a day?

What are you getting out of this?

You pay the bills.
You pay the rent.
You tidy up after 3 children and one man child.
You cook.
You clean.

He does fuck all around the place.
If he cooks, he makes a massive mess so you end up cleaning it all again. He also wastes food so costs you more money.

When you came home after giving birth, you had to Coleman the house because he couldn't be arsed cleaning it up before you got home with a newborn.

He pays for some takeaways and stuff on days out.
He plays with the kids for 10 minutes.

He is offering you NOTHING in return other than being an extra person to clean up after and pay for. The correct terminology for him would be cocklodger.

What exactly are you getting out of this relationship to stay with this useless idiot?

CLEAN not Coleman the house!!!!

So what I am taking from your various dripfeeds posts is that:

Your kids tidy up and don't throw food around when he is not home but don't tidy up and do throw food when he is.
(He is undermining your authority simply by coming home)

You pay for all the essentials. Food, bills, rent.
He pays for non essential occasional extras.
(His financial contributions are negligible)

He expects you to do most of the housework and childcare etc.
(He is unsupportive on a practical level as well as an emotional one)

He must be fucking AMAZING in bed.

Ah. X posted. It seems I am not alone in my opinions.

I was Team DH for a while there. Because I assumed you had really unobtainable standards and a sexist set-up (you clean all the time/he works and pays for everything). Not my choice but fine if it works.

But it turns out he does neither a traditional male role nor a modern one. He does nothing. In fact he makes everything worse and harder.

Why do you think that you only deserve this? Why don't you deserve a partner that pays his way, loves and cares for his children and cleans up his fair share?

My son can have 2 or three toys out at a time - if he wants to play with something else, he has to put one away.
Have 'tidy up time' before bed when they put their own toys away.
No food in the lounge, only at the dining table = no crumbs under the sofa.
Make dinner for yourself, wash your clothes etc until you OH starts behaving like an adult and contributing to your home life.

I knew someone like you "DH never does anything" moaning when in fact she wouldn't let him do anything and if he dared she would shout at him! Why don't you get your husband to put the kids to bed.

Do you work OP? Because my friend also claimed she paid all the bills because she would transfer all the money from his account to hers? We aren't friends anymore I couldn't take it. If you are working and paying for all the day to day expenses what does he spend his money on?

But your on a public forum.
Unfortunately you will gt opinions.
Mine is he's a lazy manchild cunt and from the info you are drip feeding he's probably financially abusive.
Also he's a great dad isn't he? Plays with the kids for 10 minutes a day and shushes them when they laugh.
I think the tidying is the least of your worries.

He occasionally pays for a takeaway?? Are you for real? That is not a "typical bloke" you are being taken for an absolute mug I'm afraid. HE does fuck all and you do everything?!?

Thanks for the replies! I'm now off here because of the crap some people are coming out with. At the end of the day I only asked if iwbu for not cleaning. I got some really good comments back and some which were way below the belt. So I'm off this thread now!

My kids are the messiest of eaters and we vacuum daily. Under the sofa is a twice a week job.

If you have a table, teach them to eat there. If they refuse, then no biscuits.

As for toys, don't keep everything where they can always get to it. 3 favourite toys each, rotated weekly. Have a place for them to be put away when finished with, before you go out etc. If you have to do the job yourself more than once then the toy goes away away for the rest of the day.

Also agree with above comments about your H but I don't think you're ready to hear that. I don't think the kids are your most difficult problem, though!

coconutpie cocklodger very descriptive.

I would not put up with one of these.

mimsyfluff why do you assume the OP is "just like" your former friend? I see no evidence of that. Actually the situation you describe is probably fairly rare and it is totally unfair of you to ascribe the same motivations based on one personal experience of your own.

You can't sit and slag your husband off and expect people not to form opinions

Wow OP, you KNOW the problem (lazy husband) but don't want to do anything about it?....

It's a working progress!

uptownfuck.
I dont mind people having an opinion but name calling isn't an opinion that's just being cruel and I haven't name called my husband apart from lazy. But If i called him a cunt then go ahead name call him... But i haven't and it's very unfair!

I don't get the food under sofa thing.

I almost never Hoover under the sofa but if I do about twice a year, I'd typically find a few hair clips, a dead woudlouse, a few coins and a magazine.

I used to get food under the table or on the kitchen floor, but that was pre Labrador

I'd let dh Hoover his way. It does sound like he needs to do more. What happens if you say I'll clean up the kitchen now whilst you do the ironing. If he complains offer to iron while he clears up.

Ivegotbill. That's what I have done today. I told him I'll cook tea and he can do the dishes as soon as there empty. And he has done all the dishes and wiped the sides down.
Like i said in my previous reply it's a working progress. We had words last night and I told him how I feel. And he has helped me.
I haven't tidied up much today tbh.
I need to put my foot down and stop giving in. Which I have done today. Working progress..!

And there is constaly food or toys or something under the sofa as it's laminated flooring and stuff just goes under there. Dummies toys food crumbs the tv remote. And I have to make sure there is not small objects under there like batteries cuz the kids putting them in their mouth.

constantly

Yeah you don't have antidy problem you have "I'm married to a lazy waste of space who contributes nothing except unhappiness" problem.

You don't get financial, practical or emotional support.

When mine were little I put a long block of wood under the sofa so stuff couldn't go under it. Saved a lot of effort fishing out lost toys etc. I also said no eating in the lounge so that stopped food going anywhere.