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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not want to see offensiveT-shirts in public places?

79 replies

magentastardust · 17/08/2017 15:20

We are not long back from our summer holiday, whist at the airport waiting to depart I took DD2 to the toilet ..and had to pass a young guy with a T-shirt on that said FUCK ME in huge letters on it. He was in the bar area...but we had to pass it to go to the toilet and DD has just learnt to read so is going through the stage of sounding out and reading everything she sees.

Last year at an Airport in Paris , we were queuing right behind a young man with a T shirt with a full T shirt sized print of a topless woman playing a card game in provocative pose whilst going through security .....I don't think I am a prude but surely it shouldn't be okay for clothing like that to be worn in such public places ? Or do I sound about 80 ! I just think If I was check in staff/Airport staff etc I would comment and ask them to cover their top up.

OP posts:
MumIsRunningAMarathon · 17/08/2017 15:32

Why do you expect the staff to tell people to cover something because you find it offensive?

Why don't you ask instead?

MumIsRunningAMarathon · 17/08/2017 15:33

T shirts like that are horrible though, I agree, speaks volumes about the people wearing them

pointythings · 17/08/2017 15:33

YABU. And where would you draw the line? If everyone who felt vaguely pearl-clutchy was allowed to just have things banned, we'd all be wearing crocheted pink cardies. I have a T-shirt that says 'Science doesn't give a damn about your opinion' Some people would find that offensive and want it banned. Let's just not go there.

Spuddington · 17/08/2017 15:40

Meh. You can't control what people wear.

I remember the old Cradle of Filth shirt that rumour had it could get you arrested. That one was pretty offensive but each to their own.

Alpacaandgo · 17/08/2017 15:47

YANBU. I know people have a right to wear what they want, but publicly displaying swear words and porm on your clothes and thinking it looks nice basically is pretty weird. The people who wear stuff like this must be a certain type of person. A bit unhinged or thick perhaps.

Maybe they don't have any friends. Someone who would tell them, you can't wear that you look like a knob?

Original poster
magentastardust · 17/08/2017 15:47

Really am I being unreasonable arggh I am old? Honestly, other people don't mind that? Yes I agree -each to their own...but it isn't each to their own is it. It is FUCK ME in big bold print for everyone including my small children to see.

'Science doesn't give a damn about your opinion ' really isn't in the same league as FUCK ME though is it? If my child reads that out aloud there isn't really an issue.

When I worked in retail I probably would have said something if someone came into the shop I worked in wearing that T-shirt and others were around...I would expect airport staff to say something if someone was swearing right in front of /at my child ..so I would probably expect them to say something if they had it on their T-shirt......If I walked through the airport with FUCK ME written on a banner then..would that be okay?

OP posts:
Original poster
magentastardust · 17/08/2017 15:53

Pointy...I see what you are saying..I know that I can't control what people wear...but surely I should be able to control what is put right in front of my children in a public place. I f I was in a club and had taken my 6 year old with me then fair enough but I was in an airport at 7am.
You ask where I draw the line, swear words and soft porn I guess?

I guess I expect airport staff to say something as I am at the airport...just as if I was in Tesco or the bank I would expect the staff there to say something about a customer walking around like that.

OP posts:
Zaphodsotherhead · 17/08/2017 15:53

I don''t know about 'okay', but it might be entertaining...

Actually I'm with you, more or less, OP. I have a customer who comes into the shop wearing T shirts with slogans that are...near the knuckle, put it that way. I just roll my eyes. As a PP said, it says more about him than anything else. And I don't think kids are staring at him for long enough to really take it what the slogan says.

LilaBard · 17/08/2017 15:58

YANBU. I recently saw a man in Tesco with a t shirt on with a topless woman in basically bondage gear. He was holding the hand of presumably his daughter, aged about 7 or 8. Makes me sad and cringe in equal measure. I'm only 31 btw so not a great grandma or anything!

PollyFlint · 17/08/2017 16:09

I occasionally see people in t-shirts I find really unpleasant, but then I also hear people saying things that I find unpleasant too. Your daughter is going to overhear adults saying 'fuck' all the time when you're out and about with her, so it doesn't make a tremendous difference if it's written on a t-shirt.

I wouldn't wear a shirt with 'fuck' on it in a million years - but then I don't say 'fuck' when I'm out and about within earshot of the public either - even though I often swear a lot with friends etc. To me, there's a time and place. I'm not offended by those words personally but I understand that they aren't right for every situation. Not everyone feels that way, though.

I do see where you're coming from, and if establishments have particular dress codes they're entitled to enforce them (for example, lots of pubs won't allow people through the doors if they're wearing football tops and I'm sure plenty of places wouldn't let someone in wearing a t-shirt that says Fuck Me, either) but I don't think you can really stop someone wearing a rude t-shirt in the street, on public transport or at the airport, unless the images or words are actually law-breaking (such as a slogan that's an incitement to violence or racial hatred or an image that would be classed as extreme pornography).

Airlines do sometimes make their passengers cover up offensive slogans before they board a flight, and will have dress codes for VIP lounges and so on, but that wouldn't apply to someone who was just milling around at the airport so there's nothing airport staff can do about that.

AllTheWittyNamesAreGone · 17/08/2017 16:11

I still have my cradle of filth hoodie that says Cunt on it. I though I was so edgy with that , My patchy dyed black hair, full black make up and trousers with a bazillion zips and spikey jewellery... don't think I ever got A second glance

pointythings · 17/08/2017 16:14

I think that anything that leads to major censorship in public places is part of the scary trend towards extreme right wing policies that is going on at the moment. I do however think that anyone who wears a 'FUCK ME' T-shirt or anything else pornographic is a knob. And my DDs are teens, but they would agree. Quite possibly where the wearer could hear it.

Jayne35 · 17/08/2017 16:20

I had a t shirt with 'you fat bastard' on the back of it when I was 17 (it was a band/tour one. Wouldn't wear stuff like now though but I don't believe wearing it then means I was thick or unhinged, just young!

SistersOfPercy · 17/08/2017 16:27

I kind of get where my DM was coming from back in the day Blush

My worst faux pas was several years ago when DS took me to a hospital appointment early one morning. Sat in the waiting room I realised DS had chosen that day to wear an Ill Bill shirt, specifically the 'Anatomy of a School Shooting' album. It was the day after Sandy Hook. He didn't know, he didn't watch the news, but I made him turn it inside out.
As we sat in the waiting room the news was on. It also happened to be the day Ian Watkins was charged with child sex offences. Yep, I was wearing a Lost Prophets hoodie. That quickly came off as well.

If either of us could have chosen worse clothing for the day.

SistersOfPercy · 17/08/2017 16:27

Incidentally, DS's "As Empires Fucking Burn" T Shirt turned my Mother white....

Fresh8008 · 17/08/2017 16:31

Your child won't know what it means. These things exist in the reality, I dont think its the end of the world for a child to see a swear word.

SusannahL · 17/08/2017 16:32

I totally agree with you op, but I doubt you will get many others to on this site, as so many people on here presumably seem to think it's funny/clever to have the f word and others as their username.

I often wonder if these mothers ever have children looking over their shoulders when they are on here.

Threenme · 17/08/2017 16:32

I reckon you have a bigger that average chance of seeing them at airports due to stags, hens lots of teenagers going on group hols. I don't personally care what anyone wears but it takes quite a lot to offend me!Grin

scrabbler3 · 17/08/2017 16:35

Reminds me of my flatmate's Family Cat tour tshirt at university - on the back was printed "all other bands are dog shite". Her mum and dad refused to let her hang it on the washing line when she went home during the holidays in case her little brothers saw it.

AuntieStella · 17/08/2017 16:37

I think a small child saying piercingly "Mummy I can read his T-shirt! What does fuck mean?" might make people, think twice.

Especially if the wearer is within easy earshot and you suggest to him that he explains.

(I would never, ever let my DC read MN over my shoulder. But as they're teens now, I think they've acquired an extensive vocabulary from school as well as from our less-edifying moments)

Original poster
magentastardust · 17/08/2017 16:38

Does that mean though Polly that if my daughter will over hear people saying FUCK anyway so it doesn't make much difference if she sees it on a T-shirt then that then applies to everything?
Radio could just play explicit versions of songs during the day, TV adverts, soaps might as well have swearing in them before the watershed then...surely there does need to be a bit of a line, a bit of what is socially acceptable.
I swear too, I am not against swearing but I don't think in public places where there will definitely be children is the right place for it to be acceptable. It just maybe isn't as black and white as that though and maybe it is too blurry of a line to decide what is okay and what is not....as I said to a previous poster though I am quiet confident if I walked down the street or around the airport with FUCK ME or CUNT on a Banner or poster , someone would say something?

OP posts:
BlackberryLassi · 17/08/2017 16:44

Dh had a charming t shirt that said swallow my pride on it when we got together. Had to beg him not to wear it when visiting my family Grin

JustAnotherPoster00 · 17/08/2017 16:45

Just because your offended OP someone should have to change how they dress? Not entitled at all not even a little bit Hmm

You're offended so what?

dollydaydream114 · 17/08/2017 16:49

Does that mean though Polly that if my daughter will over hear people saying FUCK anyway so it doesn't make much difference if she sees it on a T-shirt then that then applies to everything?

I think what PollyFlint was saying wasn't that you shouldn't be annoyed by the t-shirt or that it was OK for the man to wear it - just that that a t-shirt like that won't be the one thing that teaches your DD the F word.

There are some things that we can control, like what words are broadcast on telly and radio, and some things we can't, like what some complete tool has written on their t-shirt.

DustinGee · 17/08/2017 16:51

What's your solution, OP?

Ban clothing like that? Where does that end? Some countries in the world still have rules governing clothing and I, for one, would not like to live in one as that's generally the least of their infringements on civil liberties.

You live in a country where it's OK to walk the streets in a t shirt that says FUCK. So does your daughter. And that makes you, her, and me, very fortunate.

Nothing wrong with, say, schools and workplaces asking/telling people not to dress like that but the word fuck is not illegal, does not incite hate or violence so tough luck to anyone who doesn't want to "see" it. It's a consequence of living in a free, liberal society with 70m others.

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