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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to not want to see offensiveT-shirts in public places?

79 replies

magentastardust · 17/08/2017 15:20

We are not long back from our summer holiday, whist at the airport waiting to depart I took DD2 to the toilet ..and had to pass a young guy with a T-shirt on that said FUCK ME in huge letters on it. He was in the bar area...but we had to pass it to go to the toilet and DD has just learnt to read so is going through the stage of sounding out and reading everything she sees.

Last year at an Airport in Paris , we were queuing right behind a young man with a T shirt with a full T shirt sized print of a topless woman playing a card game in provocative pose whilst going through security .....I don't think I am a prude but surely it shouldn't be okay for clothing like that to be worn in such public places ? Or do I sound about 80 ! I just think If I was check in staff/Airport staff etc I would comment and ask them to cover their top up.

OP posts:
magentastardust · 17/08/2017 16:55

Dustin -love your user name! No one ever remembers Les Dennis's comedy partner from the 80's ! ;)
Well when you put it like that I am agreeing with you -yes of course I want to live in and more importantly have my children live in a free society...but also one with some decency and morals....but maybe there isn't an inbetween?

OP posts:
JustAnotherPoster00 · 17/08/2017 16:59

but also one with some decency and morals

Thats all subjective though isnt it

magentastardust · 17/08/2017 17:00

Just another poster - I honestly don't think not me not liking or wanting someone to be walking around with FUCK ME in front of children makes me entitled? I genuinely don't. It is decency and manners surely?

The phrase 'you're offended -so what?' surely makes you sound a bit entitled. That is a selfish attitude surely that we don't care about others in society ...someone doesn't need to wear a T-shirt with swear words on it -they chose to do so in a very public place where they knew there would be families...are they not the entitled ones? Genuine question.

OP posts:
Theducksarenotmyfriends · 17/08/2017 17:01

I hate those t shirts some men wear of naked women in pornographic poses, often with their faces obscured or covered. Really grim. Two blokes wearing shirts like that tried to chat up me and a friend one time but did look kind of embarrassed when I asked why they like advertising to everyone what they masturbate to...

Fresh8008 · 17/08/2017 17:02

but also one with some decency and morals

And how do you judge that? at an airport where there is people from all over the world with a multitude of different opinions on what decency and morality is.

DustinGee · 17/08/2017 17:03

I think there is an in-between. I recall a parent being asked not to wear an FCUK t shirt to pick their kids up from school. They were fine with that. Most people generally are sensible about wearing appropriate clothing. But in very public places, I think we just have to accept and let it go,

(Few people remember him - we're showing our age, you know!)

magentastardust · 17/08/2017 17:03

Just another poster...yes I suppose it is I guess everyone has different views to what they wpuld class as offensive or decent.

I honestly appreciate everyone's replies ...I was interested to see if it is just me turning into my mum!

OP posts:
magentastardust · 17/08/2017 17:05

Oh yes , I remember someone at school getting into trouble for wearing an FCUK top!

OP posts:
JustAnotherPoster00 · 17/08/2017 17:06

The phrase 'you're offended -so what?' surely makes you sound a bit entitled.

Why should I care if youre offended or not, you have every right to be offended by something no problems whatsoever, doesnt mean anyone should give a shit, I'm offended by rich people walking past the homeless and not giving a shiny shit, so what, thats my tough shit

BlackberryLassi · 17/08/2017 17:07

theduck that sounds grimely familiar too from an ex with no fashion sense .

JemmyBloocher · 17/08/2017 17:10

I bought my brother a 'When Jesus comes back we'll kill him again' hoody once. He refused to wear it and now it sits unworn at the bottom of one of my drawers. I thought it was hilarious. Also a school massacre hoody for my husband, also not work. Sometimes I think my sense of humour is off.

But yes in answer to the OP. I get bothered by things, but only if it is demeaning images of women. That I can't stand.

JustAnotherPoster00 · 17/08/2017 17:10

Sorry if Im coming across as harsh OP, not my intention I just hear about people getting offended and think if the world was policed by peoples feelings of offence the world would go down the toilet in minutes not days

Think how much science offends religion, if we took into account religions offence we'd still be living in the dark ages, and its a shaky road to go down and ends up with women having to cover up their heads and not wear skirts and dresses if they so choose to

lidoshuffle · 17/08/2017 17:11

I had a tiler come to do work with a t-shirt of a cartoon female mouse caught in a trap while she was rogered from behind by a male one. I wasn't offended, but I thought it was an odd choice of clothing in which to undertake work in a single woman's house. What's wrong with plain one with a company name?!

PollyFlint · 17/08/2017 17:12

Does that mean though Polly that if my daughter will over hear people saying FUCK anyway so it doesn't make much difference if she sees it on a T-shirt then that then applies to everything?
Radio could just play explicit versions of songs during the day, TV adverts, soaps might as well have swearing in them before the watershed then...surely there does need to be a bit of a line, a bit of what is socially acceptable.

No magentastardust, not saying that at all. I'm not saying it was OK or socially acceptable either. I think it's a bit grim, myself. All I meant was that when you're out with a child there is just no way that you can shield them from overhearing or seeing things like that and that it's inevitable they'll be exposed to the odd swear now and again. I'm not saying you have to be happy about it, just that there's nothing you can do about it.

As dollydaydream (I think? Can't scroll up and double check for some reason) has just said above, that doesn't mean we shouldn't have rules about language in some contexts that we can control, like TV and radio and what-have-you - just that there are some situations where you simply can't reasonably apply those rules and we just have to accept that.

There already is 'a line for what's socially acceptable', but some idiots will always cross that line, just as some people cross the line of social acceptability in many other regards. I mean, we all know it's socially unacceptable to pick your nose and eat it, but plenty of us have had the experience of sitting opposite someone on the bus who's doing just that.

Ultimately, when your daughter's older you'll be able to discuss these words and images with her and explain why you think they aren't very nice. While I can see why you want to shield her from them (I would too, I think most people do want their children to be innocent of that kind of thing when they're little) it probably won't do her any actual harm.

I don't want it to look like I'm saying a 'Fuck You' t-shirt is something I think is fine or that people should happily eff and blind in front of small children - I'm honestly not saying that at all!

JacquesHammer · 17/08/2017 17:14

I remember the old Cradle of Filth shirt that rumour had it could get you arrested

It defintely didn't get you arrested Grin that was such a fun rumour though.

OP - Just explain to your DD its a word she shouldnt be using because some people find it offensive. Job done.

PollyFlint · 17/08/2017 17:15

Why should I care if youre offended or not, you have every right to be offended by something no problems whatsoever, doesnt mean anyone should give a shit, I'm offended by rich people walking past the homeless and not giving a shiny shit, so what, thats my tough shit

You sound about 14, JustAnotherPoster00.

I'm not offended by anything you've said, just genuinely wondering if you are a child.

heateallthebuns · 17/08/2017 17:17

Well I'd prefer it if people didn't, but there's nothing you can do about it. It would make me think the people wearing them are knobs and immature, and I'd explain that to dc.

JustAnotherPoster00 · 17/08/2017 17:19

um ok Polly thanks? Hmm Confused

dollydaydream114 · 17/08/2017 17:20

At my old job (which was at a public sector organisation, nowhere even remotely edgy) a man turned up on dress-down Friday in a t-shirt that had something that was c-word level inappropriate written on it. I can't remember exactly what it was now but there were complaints from colleagues. Absolutely no idea why he thought that would be OK at work, but he wasn't generally great with boundaries if I recall.

Threenme · 17/08/2017 17:21

I'm not offended! I actually think it's a tad precious to be if I'm honest. However, if we all live by the mantra why should I give a shit if I offend you I don't think the world would be a nice place to live. You should be considerate. If I had a t shirt on that someone said genuinely upset offended them I would if possible make an effort if possible to cover it put a coat on or whatever. I don't know I just think it's nice to be nice!

WindwardCircle · 17/08/2017 17:21

I inwardly cringe every time I see people wearing 'offensive' because it makes them look like such a knob. Yay, you know how to swear and what sex is, well done , I'm deeply impressed by your coolness.

It reminds me of Jay from the Inbetweeners when he buys 'pussy patrol' t shirts for them to wear. I actually saw someone wearing one a few weeks ago, while pushing a toddler in a buggy. He clearly didn't get the joke in the movie that Jay is the kind of total muppet who thinks the absolute tackiest explicit t shirt is cool.

AIBU to not want to see offensiveT-shirts in public places?
JacquesHammer · 17/08/2017 17:21

Well I'd prefer it if people didn't, but there's nothing you can do about it. It would make me think the people wearing them are knobs and immature, and I'd explain that to dc

So you wouldn't want your child reading an offensive t-shirt but you'd happily tell them the people doing so are "knobs" Grin

Seeyamonday · 17/08/2017 17:22

Few years ago I was in Asda, a young boy 12/13 was walking through the store wearing a black T-shirt with the word C@#T on it, now I'm no prude,but what sorry excuse for a parent would let a boy leave the house wearing that!!

DustinGee · 17/08/2017 17:24

Er, Polly - how patronising and dismissive of a perfectly valid point of view.

The whole "I am offended" as a means to stop people saying what you don't want to hear (or reading what you don't want to read) is repellant and should not be indulged.

No one has the right not to be offended. This is a fact. It's the people who won't accept it (or don't truly understand the notion) who are the childish ones.

LakieLady · 17/08/2017 17:24

Trouble is, Mega, one person's decency and morals is another person's repression. It's entirely subjective.