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There will be no progress until we name the problem

327 replies

TinyRick · 17/08/2017 14:06

worldnewstrust.com/there-will-be-no-progress-until-we-name-the-problem-mickey-z

AIBU to think this article should be shared far and wide?

There is a real problem with Male Violence being swept under the carpet and not addressed fully on news sites and papers.

If we don't say what it actually plainly is then we can't address the real problem.

OP posts:
LastGirlOnTheLeft · 17/08/2017 17:47

So the OP asks that people name the problem of male violence for what it is, gets a few shitty, pathetic answers from people pretending they don't know what she is talking about and then a few more people clamber on board to take offense that male violence is being named as male violence....thus proving her point!!

People are so afraid to call out men for the horrific damage they wreak on women across the globe. I used to be like that. But then I wised up and now I don't give a fuck about their feelings. They don't give a fuck about women's or they do more to stop THEIR sex from murdering and abusing women!

Datun · 17/08/2017 18:02

The reason why many men commit violence is because they know they stand a good chance of getting away with it. It's probably not even a conscious thought.

Just this week alone. The jogger who shoved the woman in front of the bus. He actually came back past afterwards. Confident enough that nothing would happen.

The cyclist who rode an illegal bike on the road, killing a woman. He actually blamed her. And is denying responsibility in court. He sincerely thinks he can make it her fault that he killed her.

The DJ who sexually assaulted Taylor Swift. Despite the presence of witnesses and an actual photograph, he still took her to court. Confident that he would be believed.

The creep who photographed a young girl upskirt at a crowded festival, sniggering, followed by the police officer who deleted all the evidence and said there's nothing he can do.

And these only touch the surface.

Not only is male violence normalised by society and the media. Men are conditioned to think it's not really that bad.

Feminists have been trying for decades to combat it. And the number of women murdered each week is actually increasing.

Recognising it and condemning it stops the normalisation.

Every time you read your newspaper or watch the news, and there is a violent crime, gender it. Just say to yourself male violence (if it is).

As you see a pattern develop, say it out loud, to your spouse, your children, your parents and friends. Just murmer it, mmm bloody male violence.

When you read about the women, their families, their children, parents and co-workers it personalises it and contextualises it in a way that statistics on a page simply don't.

And if you find yourself thinking, in the back of your head well, maybe he had a point, for the love of God, stop. Or least recognise that you are normalising it.

When the law changed in the early 90s to make rape within marriage illegal, it took fifteen years. Fifteen years for the largely male Parliament to decide that sex on demand was wrong.

Because it was normalised. Legal rights, to sex on demand.

A mere few decades later, we are aghast that it is so recent. But it required a societal shift to change before it was considered completely wrong.

Does anyone think it would have taken 15 years, if parliament had been made up entirely of women?

Too many women are hurt by male violence. Recognising it, naming it, and condemning it is a start.

NameChanger22 · 17/08/2017 18:12

As you see a pattern develop, say it out loud, to your spouse, your children, your parents and friends. Just murmer it, mmm bloody male violence.

We should all be doing this for starters. Use social media to say the same.

TheSparrowhawk · 17/08/2017 18:44

We said Datun.

TheSparrowhawk · 17/08/2017 18:44

Well said

SonicBoomBoom · 17/08/2017 18:49

Great post, Datun.

TinyRick · 17/08/2017 19:13

Datun Fantastic post I I love that uou noticed my OP.

OP posts:
TinyRick · 17/08/2017 19:14

and I love that you...stupid thumbs.

OP posts:
JustAnotherPoster00 · 17/08/2017 19:27

Datun Fantastic post I I love that uou noticed my OP.

Lol

DamnDeDoubtanceIsSpartacus · 17/08/2017 19:31

Great post Datun

D'ya know it wasn't that long ago that people didn't think anything of drink driving. What changed is that we as a society decided that it was very bad and shame was attached to the crime, then people stopped doing it.

There isn't much shame attached to male violence, quite the opposite really.

TheDowagerCuntess · 17/08/2017 19:32

The minute you start down the 'not all men are like that' route, you're part of the problem. And you're doing exactly what the OP is pointing out.

You're denying there is an issue.

By saying, 'we can't talk about the overwhelming problem of male violence, because it might hurt some men's feelings', you're playing right into the issue the OP has raised.

I live with a loving, gentle non-violent DH. My father and FIL are the same type of man. As is my DB, my BILs, my friends' husbands, and my husband's friends.

In fact, I've never personally encountered a violent man. My personal experience is lovely, caring, decent, gentle men.

But that doesn't mean I don't have eyes in my head.

Men go to war. They slaughter (and get slaughtered) en masse. They're terrorists. They're rapists. They beat and hurt, and even routinely kill, their wives, girlfriends, children, and (especially) step-children. They beat and hurt each other.

This is overwhelmingly a male problem, and saying not all men are like that is - so far - getting us absolutely nowhere in terms of stopping it.

TinyRick · 17/08/2017 19:46

Justanother Yup, total lol on my mangling of the English language..No clue what happened there.

I myself have an awesome DP who still kinda take's offence to what I say but from listening to him he actually does get it. It's so ingrained now that any male I talk statistics to automatically takes offence. The stats are such a big slap in the face to those who don't know what is really going on.

OP posts:
specialsubject · 17/08/2017 19:52

Ten good commandments there. Perhaps the eleventh should be ' disown, mock and report anyone who does any of these things. ' and that applies to everyone.

Papafran · 17/08/2017 20:02

And yet another horrendous incident of male violence this evening in Barcelona where 13 innocent people have been killed and 50 more injured.

Datun · 17/08/2017 20:32

Papafran

God almighty.

Flyingflipflop · 17/08/2017 20:40

No Papafran. Let's not try to make an ideological point so soon after an atrocity.

Datun · 18/08/2017 00:00

That wasn't the sentiment I was expressing, by my comment.

It was something of an involuntary expression of horror over more mindless bloodshed.

TheDowagerCuntess · 18/08/2017 01:23

More mindless bloodshed, and guess who's responsible.

HelenaDove · 18/08/2017 01:59

Datun i didnt know about the festival incident and the PO. WTF?

TheDowagerCuntess · 18/08/2017 02:46

I've just logged onto one of our national news sites. The top 4 stories today:

  1. 'Dodgy Doctor'. 41YO male doctor has been found guilty of drugging men and sexually assaulting them.
  1. 'Die! Screamed Arsonist'. Court is hearing about a man who threw petrol on his ex-partner while she held their 3-month old baby, and their 9YO daughter watched, and then set them alight. They escaped, for the record.
  1. Live: Van Ploughs Through Crowds in Barcelona Terror Attack / Shootout After Terror Attack.
  1. Masked Men Come Forward. Two people (who happen to be men) who bashed two teenagers on a train have handed themselves into the police.

These are the top 4 stories on a random day here in NZ.

What do they all have in common....?

LauderSyme · 18/08/2017 03:45

YANBU. I agree wholeheartedly.
Toxic masculinity runs rampant across the globe to hurt, rape, maim and kill.
And yet there is a conspiracy of silence across all forms of media, refusing to name it or even recognise it. Popular culture, instead, glorifies it.
It is a tragedy for all of us.

Cantsleep12 · 18/08/2017 05:39

Great post Datun & also as a pp mentioned it really pisses me off how the media victim blame, play down etc.

The thing is we are 50% of the population. We are not a minority, but look at the way women are treated around the world.

Funnily enough I was listening to a news story recently re sexism & I was thinking I would love to wake up one day & have all the senior/powerful positions that men hold in government, business, etc be filled by women. I actually think a lot of men would be uncomfortable with this.

It's a generalisation but I think most men are more selfish than women & more entitled but I'm not sure if it's inherent or the result of a patriarchal society.

TheDowagerCuntess · 18/08/2017 08:09

I don't think it's inherent, I think it's the result of the dreaded patriarchy.

The fact the we give birth means that we will always be on the back foot. That, plus our weaker physicality, means I don't think we will ever have true equality.

TheEgregiousPeach · 18/08/2017 08:35

I agree Dowager. The male warrior hypothesis has been debunked thoroughly. Males are not born biologically predisposed to violence (like people are not born racist) it is the result of a patriarchal socialisation process and a society where they can perpetrate violence with impunity.

Datun · 18/08/2017 08:36

HelenaDove

Here's a thread about the festival incident. Taking photos up a woman's skirt is apparently completely legal.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/womens_rights/3006677-Upskirting-not-a-crime

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