AIBU to think SAHMs shouldn't put this nonsense on a CV/job application

[windygallows]

In the last year I've recruited for numerous part-time jobs, receiving applications from many women who took time out to be with family and are now returning to work.

Many of the applicants have been straightforward and simply noted on their CV that they have been SAHM - simple.

But increasingly applicants, perhaps based on some guidance from career counsellors or MN, are finding more creative ways to describe their absence from the workforce.

One, we'll call her Mrs Jones, wrote that for 10 years she was employed by the 'Jones family' and that her work involved 'organizing international travel for her family.' Because organizing a holiday is similar to the tasks led by senior executives.

Another wrote a list of every task she did at home from getting groceries to cleaning the house which, while impressive as an exhaustive list, doesn't really mean much when applying to an office-based role. Especially as it's basically a list of everything most employees have to fit in outside of work.

More galling are the claims that women make about the critical role they played - with my favourite being the one who 'Spent 7 years looking after my two children who needed and deserved my attention.'

There is huge value in the work that SAHMs do but please, please don't put this kind of waffle on your CV. You never know if your interview panel will consist of a FT working, single mom like me who finds it pretty insulting that working means her children apparently lost out on 'the attention they needed and deserved.' Urgh.

I am in the very fortunate position of having been able to choose to stay at home, work full time or work part time (I chose the lattermost). I'm completely 100% happy with this decision and know it is right for me and my family. I could very easily quit my job or up my hours if I changed my mind either way.

I won't change my decision or doubt it just because someone else tries to make me insecure in it. But I WILL think that person is a closed-minded dimwit, and so I would probably give the job to someone who didn't appear to be one.

Same here MyMorningHasBroken, trying to find something that fits in with a reception aged child, a child that will be at high school in 2 years and the fact I'm a single separated Mum (ugh cant afford to divorce the swine) who has it all to do with an added dollop of numerous doses of chronic illness. It seems like Everest sorting all that out. I actually think I am crazier right now by applying for jobs than when I did actually have a breakdown at the start....

Getahaircutcarl- your children sound lovely!

My (grown up) children are great too; happy, doing well in their studies/ careers and lovely company. I suspect they would have been perfectly fine if I'd stayed at home too. On the plus side, it's been great for me to not have that struggle to get back into the workplace which can be a real difficulty for people who've been out for some years

Actually reading this thread and what some people put on applications has boosted my confidence in my own

Yes, when they say X job had 130 applicants, it is less daunting when you realise that figure includes the clueless.

Ah thanks Poor! Good luck with the job search Morning, you can do it!

Maybe you've got it all wrapped up because you discovered that being economically supported by a man is the easy way to have the life you want and raise your children the way you'd like but not all of us are willing to take the risk of economic dependency.

OP you just sound as if you have a chip on your shoulder tbh. Let it go.

OP does not sound as though she has a chip on her shoulder. She sounds as though she is tired of people with many choices questioning her devotion to her children.

And that clueless proportion can be pretty high - I'd guess for me I'd say around 50% at least are discounted within around 30 seconds

In the OPs defense, you DO have to be financially supported by someone to be able to be a SAHP. Not an insult, just a reality. And it's a risk, she's right, one I'm not willing to take myself either but yea.

Yes,dustbunny is right. It's one reason I didn't want to give up work entirely. Life is uncertain.

mumpster same here, can't afford it, even if he can 3 x over!! :( Mine was a workaholic though - still is! I am getting interviews but my nerves just take over. Just had one for a cracking job yesterday that I planned and prepared for and i just lost it in the 2nd interview. :(

You are not crazy. My current employer employed me after a 6 year gap. I was really thankful that she believed in me, I remember.

Yes, when they say X job had 130 applicants, it is less daunting when you realise that figure includes the clueless
Yes my only hope!!! Sometimes after bad interviews I pray that the others were just awful and they have no choice or that they didn't turn up .

Thank you Windy

OP you just sound as if you have a chip on your shoulder tbh. Let it go.

Perhaps she'd be able to if people didn't keep goading her with suggestions such as So OP, you have just based your opinion on what you've experienced. Maybe ask your children deeply if they missed out on time and attention with you. We all know it's a line carefully calculated to make someone feel really crap about the life choices (or lack of them) that they are dealing with. Then, when the OP responds to defend her choices, you twist the knife a bit more by telling her she just has a chip on her shoulder and should get over it.

All the OP has done is suggest that SAHMs looking to get back into work (wannabe WOHMs) think carefully about the skills and wording on their CV's and in return she has been told to question her children about how happy they really are with her working.

Just nasty.

GetAHaircutCarl

Your kids sound lovely, you've done a great job and this is just the beginning.
It's good to miss them for a bit, then once they settle down in their own home your relationship is similar to what it was when they were little.
We just paid 2.5k for windows for our eldest, he has done his house up from a shell, most of it himself, saving a fortune in tradesmen, with no need for a mortgage, at 25. We were just starting out with a mortgage at his age, and struggled through years of high interest rates with just dh wage.
He thanked us for encouraging him to be involved from a young age, for his dad showing him how do things.
Ds2 is a law unto himself, and dd has just said how much she appreciates women who work paying her school fees, in a roundabout way. They all have great work ethics considering I didn't woh for 25 years. I put this down to making sure they always did their bit and encouraging family work, no terrific philosophy.
Me being a sahm was right for our family and seems to have worked out ok. Working pt in a min wage job, despite being qualified to Pg level thanks to Mr Blair is the right thing for me and my family right now.
Who knows what tomorrow brings.
Thinking of selling up and bumming round Europe before retirement age, but feel a need to give it to the kids.

In the OPs defense, you DO have to be financially supported by someone to be able to be a SAHP. Not an insult, just a reality. And it's a risk, she's right, one I'm not willing to take myself either but yea.

A " risk" I was more than happy to take.

We risk ourselves in many ways when we involve ourselves with others.
We fall in love, we may get our heart broken, we buy a house, we may end up in negative equity, we have a family, there may be a split and kids are raised by single parents. We make investments, they may go wrong, we start a business it may fail.
We trust people, that may be misplaced.
Life is full of risks.
Becoming a SAHM and being financially dependent on someone for a while is a small risk in the grand scheme of things.
And a risk I was willing to take for what I perceived as benefits.

As it happens the gamble paid off.

My dd is more than happy with my decision to work, she's witnessed first hand the sheer poverty of other dc where the twatty nrp doesn't contribute and the mother can't work. And on a positive note believes a female is capable of doing anything and everything.

Amongst her and her friends the only criticism appears to be of sahps that don't actually do anything with their dc.

I'm hoping our gamble paid off too.
We are doing a bit of bumming around a European City this week as we are having the honeymoon we never had 25 years later to the day

I do think people are right to be cautious though, it never pays to be complacent, I have too many friends who thought it would happen to them both men and women, although it's usually the women who come out worse off.

In the case of men who expect their wives to work and contribute as much as they do, well obviously similar attract here.
My dh no more wanted a wife who worked with a huge career than I wanted this for myself.
Although this was the case before dc and the 2 career thing worked great for us both and our relationship and finances thrived.

calli of course! I was just pointing out that the op was correct in that is a risk, and one every parent has to weigh for themselves. In my position I'm not comfortable but that's me. I'm glad it worked well for you family! (And I'm not being sarcastic or patronizing or anything )

I really question those who are saying I'm not in management!!! in every place I have worked there have been set policies and procedures that everyone has to follow. At low levels, nothing wrong with being low level, if you are using judgement it's within a strict framework. As an auditor at big4 they talk about associates using judgement. Really they don't. The senior associate does and refers bigger decisions to the manager who then if necessary will refer to senior mgr and/or partner.

Everyone loves to talk about associates demonstrating judgement. Truth be told they are following protocol/official firm guidance. If they don't follow protocol/official firm guidance they get a terrible rating and no one wants to work with them.

Also ABA is a way of managing people by pointing out what they are doing right. Rather than manage from a place of negativity and no I found it very effective to manage my audit team from a place of positive encouragement.

Amongst her and her friends the only criticism appears to be of sahps that don't actually do anything with their dc.

Lurked, I'm interested in what you might mean.
I've never known a sahp who never does anything with their dc, even if it is free stuff, ime they've all done some things.
I'm not doubting you, nor your dd

So youre recognising that some of the principles behind ABA are the same as well
Established management strategies? Which is what I suggested several hundred posts ago that you probably meant? Would have made much more sense to state that in the first place rather than saying you manage your staff in the way you manage your ASD child.

Regarding lower paid members of
Staff not exercising judgement... I prefer to work in a context which encourages initiative and high level thinking from all members of the team.

babbity What do you define as initiative? My big4 firm gave examples as to what they defined as initiative at each staff level. Trust me, at the associate level they don't want you to think but follow group thought. I've had to go in and defend associates at the year end meeting who have shown initiative and used their judgement. They were lucky to keep their job.

There will be SAHPs who are returning into supervisor or management roles but my experience is that after 5+ years out of the workforce it's rare that this happens. What I've seen is a lot of women take a career break and try to re enter the workforce in a more family friendly role. Those family friendly roles are normally not initially a supervisor or management role. Often they are PT or can be split between two candidates.

My approach has always been to take a look through as many applicants as possible. If I can see someone has put a bunch of waffle but has some interesting qualifications and/or experience I will call them and ask them to make specific changes to their resume so I can present it to the team for further consideration.

Of course people are badly advised. I don't just chuck a resume in the bin. If you want a diverse workforce you need to make these additional steps.

I also fully expect to have to train employees for lower responsibility roles. I would be failing if I didn't properly train up my team.

I would expect that some of the examples given by OP would not be welcomed by some employers, but they would definitely get you a job in an estate agents.
What would an employer make of "I spent 2 years working for HM Prisons Service in various roles including catering, laundry, cleaning and sewing mailbags"

Of course people are badly advised

You dont have to take advice. You are acting as though the majority of sahp have no idea what a CV is.

supermum you dont have to follow aba to be able to manage without doing it from a negative place.

We all exercise judgment every day
'Is this appropriate to wear for work?'
'Shall i bother going in?'
'Shall i take an extra 5 mins for my break?'
'Shall i get on with this piece of work or go grab a coffee and tell susan what happened this weekend?'
'Should i ask my supwevisor for advice on this or just do what i think is right?'

Employees do exercise judgement. And employees who dont have any autonomy at work make for unhappy employees.

My entry level employees can speak to anyone from their manager to our director. For advice, a chat, giving an idea, suggest improvments.

Using your initative and exercising good judgement, while doing that is massively important for businesses and employees. Yes we have processes and procedure. But i know we can trust our staff to exeeciae judgement for our clients and still work within procedure.

No one would be fighting to keep their job. If they did something and it went wrong, we would speak to them. Find our why, what they were trying to achieve, think about the idea they have and see wether its an idea pursuing in another way.

If its clear they exercised very poor judgement. Then it would be a problem. Using initiative isnt the issue. The poor judgement is.

Somebof my biggest projects that have changed our business have come from entry level employeea. Which is great because they will work on the project too.

Having worked for a boss on £60k whose time management and communication skills were significantly worse than someone organising a family holiday, I think it's perfectly reasonable to describe planning and communicating activities for four people in a family as comparable. I've even worked for a boss who used 'think about it' to mean 'do it' who was confused for three years as to why nothing ever got done..

scary are you saying that because you knew someone who was bad at communication and earned good money, that makes booking a family holiday a professional skill?

It doesnt.

Of course there are people in all jobs, thats probably shouldnt be in the job.

Maybe someone without a professional skill would be better in a particular role.

But trying to make booking your own holiday into a professional skill to get that job isnt going to work. And even if it did, since most adults can and have done this, you would need something else to stand out.

If a 60k job was advertised and the only thing you needed was experience of booking a holiday, 1000s would apply.