AIBU to think SAHMs shouldn't put this nonsense on a CV/job application

[windygallows]

In the last year I've recruited for numerous part-time jobs, receiving applications from many women who took time out to be with family and are now returning to work.

Many of the applicants have been straightforward and simply noted on their CV that they have been SAHM - simple.

But increasingly applicants, perhaps based on some guidance from career counsellors or MN, are finding more creative ways to describe their absence from the workforce.

One, we'll call her Mrs Jones, wrote that for 10 years she was employed by the 'Jones family' and that her work involved 'organizing international travel for her family.' Because organizing a holiday is similar to the tasks led by senior executives.

Another wrote a list of every task she did at home from getting groceries to cleaning the house which, while impressive as an exhaustive list, doesn't really mean much when applying to an office-based role. Especially as it's basically a list of everything most employees have to fit in outside of work.

More galling are the claims that women make about the critical role they played - with my favourite being the one who 'Spent 7 years looking after my two children who needed and deserved my attention.'

There is huge value in the work that SAHMs do but please, please don't put this kind of waffle on your CV. You never know if your interview panel will consist of a FT working, single mom like me who finds it pretty insulting that working means her children apparently lost out on 'the attention they needed and deserved.' Urgh.

On my last one which was an application and personal statement for a midwifery degree (for which I was selected) I did put about the volunteer work I'd done whilst being a SAHM. For example, breastfeeding counsellor, classroom TA and preschool chair person.

Things like that fine because they aren't always volunteering and are paid positions but yes, cringeworthy putting about how you mop, Hoover and clean the bathrooms and look after the kids in your own house for your own family.

What Nancy91 said
And those women who think those skills are comparable appear very out of touch and come across as a bit silly, quite frankly.
Imagine if a bloke was claiming he could work in a management role because he had stayed at home with a toddler for a couple of years and that was quite difficult. People would laugh. It's the same with women claiming that. Just naive.

I built my own house (while pregnant and fully employed.) hopefully that counts as overseeing ?

Anatidae I very much doubt that you did.

And Verbena has the right idea because those are externally facing roles that require you to look outside the domestic context. That's much more relevant than bollocks like managing the housekeeping budget.

Well said Verbena37.

Because the things you've included were RELEVANT! I really don't get why other people can't seem to get their heads around the fact that relevance makes a massive difference to everyone, not just SAHP.

Equally don't get why some people are getting all defensive when people dare to point out that cleaning your house, cooking meals and doing your own finances are not some kind of amazing achievements.

I think she means supervising the architect and site manager and choosing fixtures and fittings.

babbity quote from OP

I think my prejudice is that I've worked FT throughout the 11 years I've had children (with exception of mat leave) so find it a bit irritating when women make claims on their CV about how their children couldn't be without them or at interview explaining how they just couldn't put their children in daycare.

Not sure what I'm misreading here.

I think she means supervising the architect and site manager and choosing fixtures and fittings.

I realise that,

It's hardly "building a house while being pregnant and working full time"

Being a SAHM is totally undervalued in this society with the pressure and assumption of mothers returning to work as soon as your maternity leave finishes. It's definitely important to give young babies and young children time and attention - you mound your child's personality in the first 7 years, not leave them to be brought up full time in a daycare by strangers. So OP, you have just based your opinion on what you've experienced. Maybe ask your children deeply if they missed out on time and attention with you.

And..... bingo! Full house

It is most definitely cringeworthy to put stuff like that on a professional CV and I say that as a current SAHM. In order to keep my CV current I freelance and volunteer so that when I do return to full time work I have got things to talk about/put on my CV.

If SAHPs struggle to get back into full time work or are at a loss as to what to put on their CV, then do some online courses, volunteer etc.

Household admin and caring for your own children are not professional skills however they are described. The fact that I pay the household bills, feed my children, take my kids to swimming lessons etc and have their nursery bags packed the night before does not mean I have excellent financial management and organisational skills. It's called day to day life.

It's just a shame that places like the Jobcentre and work coaches advise people to write this stuff on their CV.

OK probably going to get a kick in the fanny for this, but I think it is harsh to just bin the CV. I will tell you why.

1. The DWP actively encourage you to do this. Yes, you read that right. They get all us single mums in a room and give us a big lecture on how shit we are and how we are letting our kids down (put ever so politely of course) and then they say 'If you haven't got much to put on your CV why not put this?'. That's what happened when I went anyway.

2. I have a gap on my CV not because I wanted precious petal drop darling son and daughter not to have to be away from Mummy's bosom.

It was because my bastarding husband (can't even call him an ex yet) was shagging the woman in the other office and left when my youngest was a baby - they don't start free nursery until age 2. Oh and my breakdown in the middle of the career gap which I don't actually want to write down on my CV. And he has a career that is impossible to work around with small kids. Seriously, don't view a gap on the CV badly the same way someone would view a single mum going back to work away from her kids badly.
It wasn't a choice for me, just a few years I had to get through.

3. These 'cringey' CVs. I am not saying you should give preference to someone just for being a single Mum by any stretch but I am just saying maybe when you see someone is trying too hard maybe that's because they really want and need the job? Just sayin'.

Let the fanny kicking commence!

For the love of god.

Who do you want to value being a sahp?

How do you want them to show that it valued?

Why can no onr answer this?

Earlyriser84 I did that - loads of online courses, volunteering at the school (an experience), even self employed at some point. Just made the gaps a bit less as if I hadn't I would have been a decade with no experience. Always helps to break the CV up a bit.

So, Always, if the fact that raising children is a good thing makes it instantly relevant for all jobs as a skill, we presumably should value any worthwhile activity, for any job...if I raise some money for charity by having a coffee morning, that should help me get a job too, even if baking and socialising are no part of the job?
No one is minimising the importance of bringing up children, but its a parallel activity to your career unless you work in childcare, its not the same as a job.

mumpster thats why the op started this thread. Because she knows its advice that has been given.

No one gives a shit if you have gaps. They might if it prison time.

But this fluffying of cvs makes it look like you have no idea of how businesses work.

Ok AlwaysChatting, but what societal recognition do you WANT?

Most of us aren't saying we would dismiss a career break or someone bring a sahp. Lots of us have said when people dress up being a sahp as a better choice for children or listing their skills used as translatable. For example someone early on who had someone write organising international travel for a family holiday. It looks ludicrous.
I have employed people with children,without,pregnant etc etc. Ones who feel they should get extra benefits because they are a parent have generally proved to be a pita. I have also taken on people with very little or no experience.

I think some people value being a sahm and some don't.
Some wohp value it, some don't.
The main thing is if your family value it.
Do your children beg to go to childcare settings, do they grow up and tell you they are glad and appreciative they didn't have to.
Do they say they feel like they missed out on playing with some friends because they were in after school clubs, or do they tell you they valued the time with you.
Your kids will usually tell you, whether you want to hear or not

always it will be undervalued as long as people spout self congratulatory shite about being a sahp to distract from the fact they personally have no sense of self worth.

Stick to the perfectly valid choice of being a sahp and anyone with half a brain will respect that different choice. Imply that parents who work don't raise their dc and the rest of the bullshit in your post, and it implies you have failings that would prevent you combining both well

I really wish someone would answer the question about societal recognition too, Yorick.

I totally get that your partner should value your contribution, but other than that... what? And from whom?

I think what many SAHP want re:value , is for people to not assume they are lazy or mooching or unfeminist idiots. I get that. Just like it gets my back up when people make privileged out of touch comments that imply going to work is just an unnecessary hobby women could all forego if they REALLY loved their kids.

Yes there are some idiots on my fb page who think they should be paid to watch their own children (by whom I don't know) but I think most want respect from partner and people around them. I could be wrong, idk

Yep they usually do.

My dd loves that i worked. She is 13 and likes that i can be a mum and work in a very senior role.

She didnt go into childcare that much. Me and dh workes it between us and she is glad that she was cared for by both of us. She went to nursery 1 day a week and then to the schools nursery where she met kida that are still her friends now.

Ds loves his time with just me or just dh. As much as he loves weekends when we are all together.

Being a sahp or wohp, alone, is not what determines wether your kids are happy.

Gorgosparta ok I know CV fluffing is no good but seriously, do you just send out CVs saying "I have been sat on my arse mostly for 9 years, didn't want to dress it up"? You won't get anywhere that way either.

What the hell do you put on your CV if you have been genuinely busy with two eating machines, a mountain of washing, a house that doesn't clean itself (the git) and a moth eaten cat on zero pence an hour? Am genuinely interested.

Because either people don't think being a SAHP is hard work (it is and I worked full time and two jobs at one point, still not as knackering) or people are bashed for thinking it is. I have had to book travel for Managing directors in my past life, and I have had to work out the logistics of the kids travelling and I tell you which I preferred...

So what is the right thing to do? Answers on a postcard?

Basically women can't win, end of story. Judged if you don't try and work, judged if you do try and work.

always you want me to 'ask my children deeply if they missed out on attention from or time with me'?? Are you kidding? When? Now or in 20
Years time when they'll obviously be in therapy?

I had and have no choice but to work both for financial reasons and now because I've been single for the last 4 years. I work so i don't have to ask my kids if they missed out on food or proper shelter. Have you forgotten Maslow's hierarchy of needs? I give my children loads of attention but guess what - they need clothing and food too.

Maybe you've got it all wrapped up because you discovered that being economically supported by a man is the easy way to have the life you want and raise your children the way you'd like but not all of us are willing to take the risk of economic dependency.