Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to think SAHMs shouldn't put this nonsense on a CV/job application

999 replies

windygallows · 17/08/2017 10:40

In the last year I've recruited for numerous part-time jobs, receiving applications from many women who took time out to be with family and are now returning to work.

Many of the applicants have been straightforward and simply noted on their CV that they have been SAHM - simple.

But increasingly applicants, perhaps based on some guidance from career counsellors or MN, are finding more creative ways to describe their absence from the workforce.

One, we'll call her Mrs Jones, wrote that for 10 years she was employed by the 'Jones family' and that her work involved 'organizing international travel for her family.' Because organizing a holiday is similar to the tasks led by senior executives.

Another wrote a list of every task she did at home from getting groceries to cleaning the house which, while impressive as an exhaustive list, doesn't really mean much when applying to an office-based role. Especially as it's basically a list of everything most employees have to fit in outside of work.

More galling are the claims that women make about the critical role they played - with my favourite being the one who 'Spent 7 years looking after my two children who needed and deserved my attention.'

There is huge value in the work that SAHMs do but please, please don't put this kind of waffle on your CV. You never know if your interview panel will consist of a FT working, single mom like me who finds it pretty insulting that working means her children apparently lost out on 'the attention they needed and deserved.' Urgh.

OP posts:
Justnowthisone · 17/08/2017 22:31

But you look at how your kids have turned out and you think, that was worth it.

Clever little sentences. If wohm don't spit the judgypants all is fine. If they do and point it out then they must ever so guilty with their own ishoos about their poor little ignored kids climbing the bars of day orphanages.

Barbie222 · 17/08/2017 22:34

But you look at how your kids have turned out and you think, that was worth it.

This could've been written about any household setup - SAHP, WOHP, anything in between. We all try to justify our choices in hindsight because it's not nice thinking the grass was greener somehow!

Justnowthisone · 17/08/2017 22:36

Hiding the thread.

It's the usual people that come out on these threads. The same names.

Poor unrecognised SAHMs. Snide little remarks often back handed about the ignored kids of selfish WOHMs. Comments like whatever works for you followed up by snide little shitty remarks about WOHM. And if people take issue it's cos of all Ze guilts don't you know.

Anyway look - Like I said a huge right wing nasty tabloid of the country with massive readership figures is behind you. Do a google for Daily Mail+ working mothers. I have screen shots saved for work.

Gorgosparta · 17/08/2017 22:38

This is meant to be a thread about who makes the better parents. Its meant to be about CVs

PoorYorick · 17/08/2017 22:39

ssd, what I read was: "I completely believe childcare suits the parents better than the kids and staying at home suits the kids better than the parents."

This is not consistent with what you're now saying, which is 'I believe in each to their own meaning whatever you believe, works for you.'

Childcare does not suit women who would love to stay home but can't afford to, and staying at home does not suit kids if it makes you depressed and resentful.

You COULD have said, "I believed that working would have suited me more and staying home would have suited my kids more". You made a point of making it a general statement, not a personal experience.

If you're now rethinking that stance (I hope you are), then you could just say so. Please don't blame it on my 'misreading' you, as I find that disingenuous.

frogsoup · 17/08/2017 22:40

Different kids do respond differently to their parents working though. One of my kids loves after-school club. One definitely would spend less time at nursery if he had the choice, but is fundamentally ok with it. And my homebody child is suffering so much doing after-school care that I'm seriously considering whether working right now is the right thing to do. Holiday club all summer would just do her in completely - luckily that's not been needed this year. If any of them had disabilities, the 'choice' to work would be even less straightforward. Horses for courses, surely.

PoorYorick · 17/08/2017 22:40

This is meant to be a thread about who makes the better parents. Its meant to be about CVs.

Well yeah, but it was obvious from the start which way it was going to go.

Gonegonegone · 17/08/2017 22:42

Babbity there are always so many varying factors within those families though, and personality and needs of the children differ so greatly it wouldn't be clear cut.

Whether a parent stays home or not isn't irrelevant to the child. It maybe for some but not for others. It also isn't as simple as that. My first would most definitely have benefit from me staying home ft from the start. But I needed to return to work to follow through on a project that I had set up that had many service users wellbeing at least in part dependant on it. I could have handed it over to others but for my sense of personal fulfilment I needed to see it through. But then I gave up work and it made a huge difference for my DC. If I had been able to be a happy, involved, and connected sahp from day one I'm sure that would have been much better for dc1 but for my wellbeing I needed to finish something that meant alot to me before I was able to be who dc1 needed round the clock. And my twins have already missed out on enough due to dc1 disabilities and each others competing needs so missing out on more time with me wasn't going to be best for them when we could see they clearly showed the same early signs of disabilities that dc1 had.

Gonegonegone · 17/08/2017 22:43

Agree frog

Want2bSupermum · 17/08/2017 22:46

The Crux of the problem is that society doesn't really value the role of a SAHP. The SAHP is out of the workforce so from an employment perspective they are not a candidate for employment. When they want to re enter the workforce they have a terrible time because they start from zero in most cases and are normally at least a decade older than newly graduated 'young' people.

It's a shame. Funny how male friends who have stayed home with the kids have a much easier time finding a job when they are ready to return to work.

PoorYorick · 17/08/2017 22:51

The Crux of the problem is that society doesn't really value the role of a SAHP.

I agree with this, but I'm trying to think of what sort of recognition would be appropriate and I'm struggling. I'm wondering if the kinds of benefits and perks that should be available to full time carers should be available to SAHPs. Something in me says no, but I can't really work out why. Maybe because people choose to have children but they don't choose to have relatives who fall ill. Or maybe because we do generally get joy out of seeing our children grow well, and we don't get joy out of seeing a relative sick or disabled (though of course we're glad if we can help them). I don't know. I have a gut reaction to this that might well not be justified if I analyse it.

I'd be interested to hear what people think. What recognition should a SAHP receive?

Gonegonegone · 17/08/2017 22:52

Society doesn't value sahms because caring work of any sort is 'women's work' and anything women do is massively devalued.

PoorYorick · 17/08/2017 22:54

Or is it that it's devalued from the start and that's why women are expected to do it?

Gonegonegone · 17/08/2017 22:56

'benefits and perks' ft carers get minimal benefits if lucky, disabled children or adults rarely get enough benefits to even scrape by on rather than to cover the extra costs disabilities incur and there are no 'perks'.

Society could value sahms by valuing 'women's work' in all areas. By valuing the lives of those we care for, whether disabled, elderly or children. By better pay for any traditional 'female' job or career. That'd be a start atleast.

TinselTwins · 17/08/2017 23:07

You can value SAHPing in it's own right while at the same time acknowledging that SAHPing does NOT provide you up to date transferable skills for the workplace. It just doesn't!

Running your own house isn't even the same ball park as helping someone else to run theirs in a client/employee scenario!

Just like looking after your own kids doesn't qualify you to be a nursery nurse!

Paying your own bills doesn't make you an accountant

I think it's vital that even SAHPs that never intend to return to work if they can help it have some sort of back-up plan in terms of doing a bit of study or volunteering type stuff, so that if the shit hits the fan and they have to apply to work again, they have employment related skills!

Saying that SAHPing doesn't give you employability skills is not the same as saying that you don't need a lot of skill to be a good SAHP. But they are different skills. And if you try to make them sound on a par with up to date employment CPD and experience you just make yourself sound like you don't understand the job description!

LaurieMarlow · 17/08/2017 23:12

You can value SAHPing in it's own right while at the same time acknowledging that SAHPing does NOT provide you up to date transferable skills for the workplace. It just doesn't!

And yet if someone was paying you for the housekeeping and the childcare, then they absolutely would be skills that you could put on your CV and show as transferable if needed. Do nursery workers not include their skills on their CV or something?

In our society, work seems to only be valued if it is paid.

TinselTwins · 17/08/2017 23:13

I think you'ld do better to state "I don't have that skill but I am really keen to learn it and I am excited that this job offers that opportunity, I would be willing to do X,Y and Z to get myself up to date with it" .. than to say "well if I can get my toddler to brush her teeth then I think I can definitely figure out that there program you're asking if I can use"

TinselTwins · 17/08/2017 23:13

I think you'ld do better to state "I don't have that skill but I am really keen to learn it and I am excited that this job offers that opportunity, I would be willing to do X,Y and Z to get myself up to date with it" .. than to say "well if I can get my toddler to brush her teeth then I think I can definitely figure out that there program you're asking if I can use"

TinselTwins · 17/08/2017 23:19

And yet if someone was paying you for the housekeeping and the childcare, then they absolutely would be skills that you could put on your CV and show as transferable if needed. Do nursery workers not include their skills on their CV or something?

neither are comparable to cleaning your own house or looking after your own children!

And no I would not hire a cleaner who said "well I cleaned my house so I can clean yours!" Hmm Working for a client is NOTHING like doing your own chores.. or minding your own kid

I'ld want to know that the cleaner was good at managing her business: well insured, had a back-up plan for sickness, good contracts, professional, able to understand MY needs (as opposed to how she would do it at home) etc

Plus nursery nurses, yes even those who have children, generally have at least a level 2 qualification or are working towards it!

SO much more is expected of a childminder than of a parent, it's not the same job at all - it is simply not the case that they do the same thing as SAHMs but one is paid and the other isn't!

I mean come on!

You really think that anyone who is a half decent parent could be a professional childminder?

I'm a pretty good mum IMO but I do not think I'ld make a good childminder - self employment is not for me! That alone is a MASSIVE skill which you do NOT learn from SAHPing!

Babbitywabbit · 17/08/2017 23:21

Gonegonegone- my post was talking in general terms, not specifics about individual families.
I said that if there were clear cut evidence that there were better outcomes (in terms of education, work, relationships, happiness) for children of one group (either WOHP or SAHP) then we would know about it. WOHP aren't some new phenomenon- we've been around a while Smile

Of course, when it comes down to the individual family, there are specific variables which may make working/not working preferable for that particular family

And doubtless there are many families where the parents could either work or stay home and it wouldn't make much difference either way. It doesn't have to be either/or.

I have been a WOHP right the way through, bar maternity leaves. My kids are happy well adjusted adults. I've no doubt that they would be the same if I'd been a SAHP.

TinselTwins · 17/08/2017 23:22

I mean I've trimmed my own kids hair!

So I'm basicallyjust as skilled as a professional hair dresser Hmm they just get recognition and payment and I don't! Hmm

Cos it's the same thing right? Now let me at'ya with this highlight kit and feathering razor Grin

StatisticallyChallenged · 17/08/2017 23:27

I think people who constantly say being a sahp is the same as being a professional childcarer -nursery or childminder or similar - are actually just under valuing or plain not understanding what goes in to those roles.

brasty · 17/08/2017 23:27

Nursery nurses might mention looking after their own kids, but also other experience. Because it is very different being a nursery nurse. You have a curriculum to follow.

frogsoup · 17/08/2017 23:30

Actually, compared to the hairdresser in our local salon, a lady who wields the scissors much like a sheep-shearer might approach a sheep, and with about as much finesse, I am in fact significantly better at cutting my kids hair, despite not in any way being a professional hairdresser. Though to be fair, I have my suspicions that neither is she Grin.

Skills acquisition comes in all shapes and sizes, including from parenting. Having brought up children is absolutely good preparation for childminding, how could it not be?! The self-employment side of things might be a separate skill, but as a parent, my primary concern is clearly how experienced they are with kids, not at filling out their tax return.

frogsoup · 17/08/2017 23:31

Which rather fits with the fact that a lot of local childminders are women in their 60s who have finished bringing up their own families, and totally mention that as highly relevant in marketing themselves to parents.

Swipe left for the next trending thread