To be miserable by some people's perfect life's?

[Longlongroad]

Name change for this.

I'm about to call time on my marriage due to many reasons, the main one being he cheated on me!! We have 2DC aged 9 and 6.

I'm waiting until the DC go back to school before I tell him I want a divorce as I don't want to spoil the rest of their holidays.

But I'm starting to feel miserable about the future. Tonight I was browsing through fb at some of my old school friends and feel really envious of some of them and what they've achieved.

It's made me think about my life and what I've achieved. I have 2Dc but that's it. I'm 40, no career (sahm), live in a shit town, I'm fat, and about to become a single parent on benefits!!

Please tell me things will get better?

[Bluesrunthegame]

People often only post the good things on Facebook, not the messy house, nasty husband, deadend career. They post everything fun and sparkly, not reality. Don't use what you see there to judge your life by.

You are making the right decision, separation and divorce are tough but you'll come through it with your children, and you'll have new opportunities. I've known people train for teaching in their 40s, they've loved it.

Best wishes again!

[MagentaRocks]

Nobody has the perfect life. Even if it looks like it. On the surface it probably looks as if I do - good well paid job, dh the same, nice house, new cars, holidays etc. I'd give up all that to be able to have a child of my own.

[Mama234]

No one has a perfect life, People just tend not to post about the negative.

[Theimpossiblegirl]

First, good for you for not being a doormat and putting up with cheating. you are a strong woman and a good role model to your children.
You will be more than 'a single mum on benefits'. You will have self respect and the opportunity to retrain for a career. That is fantastic!
You are not too old at all. I retrained at 32 but was not the eldest by a long shot. The mature students were very driven and had lots of life experience to add.
Money will be a bit tight but not forever. Enjoy your freedom.
As for being fat, it's probably connected to your unhappiness, therefore easily fixed when you are catering only for yourself and your DC. Good luck, you will be fabulous!

[ladygracie]

I stopped looking at FB about 2 months ago and honestly feel much happier for it. would you consider doing that? You don't need to deactivate your profile or anything, I just logged out. Then you can still go back if you change your mind.
Good Luck with it all - you are doing the right thing x

[honeyroar]

You shouldn't compare yourself to others, because you never know what's going on in their lives, or what's around the corner for them. Everyone would change something in their life. I quite like my life most of the time, but I couldn't have children, so I could be envious of you.

You may well lose weight throughout a breakup, if not get on it, create a new you, show him what he's lost. Your future is yours, you're only young. You're not tied down, you decide what you do (do a night school course the night they're at their dads, for example.

[TrishanFlips]

Yes , go for it. 40 is not too old to retrain and start a new career. Be proud that you have been a SAHM concentrating on your children. And now you will be free of the cheater and able to start a new chapter. Good luck!

[Haudyerwheesht]

You're probably feeling this way because your life is in limbo just now. Remember that and be kind to yourself:

Remember nobody's life is perfect. People don't put the shit stuff on the likes of Facebook or shout it from the rooftops!

People mention to me sometimes that I'm so organised for example - I'm really not and I don't know why people think I am but they do!!! Whatever opinions you've formed or people really probably aren't all that accurate.

I think you're making a really brace decision!

[MrsOverTheRoad]

If you were my friend I'd be full of admiration for you. I wouldn't pity you at all....choosing your self respect instead of a sham? That's brave as hell!

You're not doing what so many do....living a lie.

You've said "Nope! This isn't good enough for me!"

And you're getting out.

Amazing!

[MrSlant]

Trills has it "You're comparing your insides to other people's outsides, which is understandable but never fun."

I ditched my EA husband just before I turned 40, and no, to some my life might not be what they think is 'perfect' but I am happy and I feel strong. It was like lifting a stupid Instagram filter off my eyes, I can see other people's FB statuses for what they are and tbh most of them seem desperate. To have the courage and tenacity to lose the cheating husband and strike out on your own makes you amazing. Strong. Better than any post on social media could ever look.

You are going to be an amazing role model to your children and teach them, eventually, that you don't let people mess you around. Good luck and life will get better and better and better!

[4691IrradiatedHaggis]

Also, stop comparing yourself to others, that's a recipe for misery.

Totally this. Be you. How do you know what the others posting on social media are all that they say they anyway?
They're only going to post the best bits. Not the ones where they feel shit, isolated, anxious etc.
You have 2 dc. That's a lovely achievement in itself.
Focus on what you do have and don't compare. That way lies misery.

[NoobThebrave]

I have got to know a new friend over the mast year, her FB posts are #soblessed et al and meeting up was similar. As I got to know her I found out more about her real life..... It's awful!! I was so shocked! You are a strong person as making big decisions, be kind to yourself, strive for happiness

[MistressPoldark07]

Sorry you are going through the mill at the moment. Just wanted to say that at 40 you are not too old to train to be a teacher. I'm older than you by a good few years and I've just done a PGCE (Primary) starting my NQT year in September. Go for it and good luck!

[LapsedPacifist]

Oh Longlong road! . So sorry to hear you're going through this. But just for a start - think about changing your name to Yellowbrickroad! You WILL cope, and you will be fine.

When you're ready, please look into retraining - I went to university to retrain for a new career when I was 50 and it was the best thing I've ever done for myself. There is a lot of of financial and practical support available for mature single-parent students and even when it's tough, it's a far better life than being stuck on benefits - you get to meet lots of great new people too.

I have a facebook friend who is currently going through a major mental health crisis which is destroying their family and they are completely in denial about it. They are still posting carefully edited pictures of their perfect cute children and blissful family activities, boastful selfies about their fitness regimes with accompanying salad-porn pics 'about their virtuous 'clean eating' and lots of sad face posts and petitions about poor likkle kittens. It's all bollocks. I'm getting phone calls from their distraught spouse asking for advice about how to protect the kids from the mood-swings and rages.

Just concentrate of getting through the nest few weeks and months, one day at a time. Have faith in yourself.

[BadLad]

People can't post good things on here, because cat'sbumfaced mumsnetters will tell them off for stealth posting.

Therefore they post the good stuff going on in their lives on facebook and similar sites, probably sexing it up a little.

So next time you feel pissed off at someone's apparently marvelous life on facebook, log on here, choose a random thread from relationships or AIBU and imagine it's the same person posting both.

[BadLad]

stealth boasting

[caperberries]

My life could probably sound pretty perfect on paper - but it really isn't.

However, I don't post about any negative things on Facebook. I wouldn't call a meeting to announce my most private fears and anxieties to my 250-odd FB friends and acquaintances, so why on earth do it online?

On the other hand I'm happy to share a nice photo of a beach on holiday, or at a wedding, or a pic of one of my children at an activity or day out. Perhaps friends I rarely see might assume the latter is indicative of my life. But I make no assumptions about others from their social media - our lives are always far more nuanced than a few FB posts could suggest.

My advice would be to get off social media - contact friends for support directly. And take small steps towards improving your life.

[CantChoose]

My FB probably looks pretty awesome. In many ways I'm very lucky but still have plenty of shit to deal with - that doesn't make it to FB though... don't bother comparing yourself to others, you'll never be getting a true impression.

[gabsdot]

My dad started his degree age 52. He went to university full time and had a ball. He was on the students union and was very popular with the youngsters. (he's pretty cool). He then worked for about 10 more years before retiring 5 years ago. Since then him and mum have been busier than ever with volunteering.
You're not too old at all.
One day at a time

[Longlongroad]

Thanks for all the advice.

I feel more positive today.

I'm going to have a look at a teaching course and other uni courses. Ideally I don't want anything that is going to take more then two years, so teaching may be out of the question but I'm sure there will be something I can train as that will give us a better life then being on benefits and counting every penny.

[honeyroar]

This just popped up on my Facebook!

[NameChanger22]

I look much better on Facebook than I do in real life. On Facebook I don't have two chins, a big belly or rubbish hair. If you want to feel better about yourself you should borrow my camera.

[BhajiAllTheWay]

Just don't look at FB ( or fake book) as I call it. Nothing worse when your life feels like its fallen apart than to see everyone else's "wonderful" experiences...( that really aren't in real life most of the time).

[TrishanFlips]

They call it FaceBoast too don't they? Quite understand, I'm guilty too, I only put posts up there about nice events, usually when we are all dressed up enjoying ourselves. We have to appreciate that FB shows the glossy view of life mostly, not the reality!

[TooSleepyToCare]

Just really echoing what pp's have said. Social media is just the polished, airbrushed version of life that people want others to see.
You never know the full story.
I hope everything goes well for you and your 2 DC from September. You'll probably feel like a weight has been lifted. You'll have the freedom to be whatever you like. You might even find that when you're out of the rut your whole outlook will change. My friend has never looked back and has never looked better. Mid 40's, new job, new man and new wardrobe (a couple of stones lost).
Take one day at a time and go easy on yourself /