To be miserable by some people's perfect life's?

[Longlongroad]

Name change for this.

I'm about to call time on my marriage due to many reasons, the main one being he cheated on me!! We have 2DC aged 9 and 6.

I'm waiting until the DC go back to school before I tell him I want a divorce as I don't want to spoil the rest of their holidays.

But I'm starting to feel miserable about the future. Tonight I was browsing through fb at some of my old school friends and feel really envious of some of them and what they've achieved.

It's made me think about my life and what I've achieved. I have 2Dc but that's it. I'm 40, no career (sahm), live in a shit town, I'm fat, and about to become a single parent on benefits!!

Please tell me things will get better?

[Walkingtowork]

This is my personal opinion and I know most will disagree, but I actually think it's unkind to paint a perfect picture of your life on FB etc. It's downright showing off and I've always avoided it, to be tactful to people having a rough time.

[GoodStuffAnnie]

Seriously.... one step at a time.

Get over to the open university website. Take control over your future. Where do you want to be in 5 years? Pick a career.

[MeMeMeMe123]

walking it is showing off - i think it comes from a need to feel validated, admired. Generally this comes from a fragile ego or low self-esteem (whether they will admit it or not is a different matter)

[maddiemookins16mum]

Facebook = Fakebook.

[greendale17]

"Facebook is not real life"

Unless you are friends with make believe people it is real life

[redsquirrel2]

Facebook is a carefully edited selection of a life. Anyone can make their life look perfect on FB and be completely miserable in reality. Anyone can post gushing comments about their other half whilst secretly hating them. People don't tend to post day to day reality on there, whilst IRL that's what they're living. Don't take too much notice of it.

Good luck for the future OP. You sound like a strong person and you've made a positive decision. Onwards and upwards!

[Ohmyfuck]

Just remember that people only put the best parts of their lives on Facebook; not the main dreary/shite parts! There was a post yesterday about a husband posting on FB how much he loved his wife and how loved up they were but in reality, the wife said it wasn't true at all! I saw a family yesterday taking the most beautiful selfie, all smiles and cuddles, but as soon as they'd taken it, they were all squabbling and bitching! The FB photo won't show that part! Nobody has a perfect life. Take a break from FB for a while. Xx

[redexpat]

Can I recommend a book? Its called Howto do everything and be happy by peter jones. Right now you are measuring your happiness by other people's measures - make your own measures of happiness! eg I have a goal of participating in 5 cultural events a year. So it doesnt matter what other people are doing on social media as long as I get my 5 events, because THAT's what makes me happy.

[Tainbri]

So sorry you're having a rough time OP. Don't believe everything you see on FB and there's no way everyone else has a perfect life. You never know what goes on behind closed doors and sometimes the most perfect looking lives on the outside conceal the worst on the inside. I'm guilty of putting the odd fun family pic or something pleasant but I never post any of the rubbish stuff or post anything negative to be honest so FB just isn't a true reflection of reality. Things will get better for you and sometimes the hardest part is making that decision to make a break and move on.

[Magicnumbers]

Firstly, OP, much respect to you for your decision and taking your life back. Other posters have RL experience of this with kids, I don't so won't comment on that except to say that I think there will be tough times but it will get better.

I have huge admiration for SAHMs and I think it's easy to forget just how incredible what you do is! I tried it for a few months and almost went insane. You multi task, you prioritise, you juggle, you keep everyone and everything running, and you don't get a break. You negotiate and manage what your children do and the boundaries for their behaviour. You do all this without sick leave or holiday pay. You have a resilience and skill set that I don't have, and which is relevant to the wider world- don't underestimate your abilities.

A friend of mine with a "perfect" life on FB is desperately unhappy- career is great, loads of glamour and travel, but she wants what I have...mediocre job, messy house, kids and a husband. So when I post my photos of a messed up cake in a messed up kitchen on FB, she looks at that with envy, while everyone looks at her photos of business suits and fancy hotels and thinks she's successful. She is successful, but so am I in my ordinary way- it's just different types of success and it doesn't make her happy.

Best of luck OP x

[ReachOutAndTouchDave]

Sorry to hear things are rough the moment OP. If it's any consolation you sound pretty together and level headed so I'm sure things will indeed get better.
Agree with pp about Facebook. I have hidden so many of my humblebragging Facebook contacts that my feed is now pretty much just a series of adverts, cat videos, news and political stuff.
Life through a lens is a lie (think that's the first line of a recent book actually...)
This is a rough patch but you'll get through it.

[MyheartbelongstoG]

Why are you resigning yourself to benefits.

You could get a job surely.

[milliemoon]

Please don't compare your life to what you see on Facebook. I don't use it very much but if someone was to click on my profile they would see a happy, smily family pictures. What they don't see is my money worries, the anxiety that had once crippled me at times, the utter grief I feel for being dumped by my 'best' friend recently, the fact my Dad left me as a kid... etc, all things that ive had to battle at different times. And nor do I want them to see this. What I'm trying to say is Facebook is not a true representation on real life and everyone has shIt to deal with. You'll come out the other side of this. I'm sorry this has happened to you.