AIBU to feel slightly worried about my nanny's 8 year old boy being present whilst my 5 year old girl is taking a bath or sitting on the loo?

[CrazyolMama]

I allow my nanny, (whom I really appreciate), to bring her 8y old boy to work with her WHENEVER she needs to. However, I feel a tiny bit concerned that my 5y old twin girls don't have any privacy from him when he is around. (And I hasten to add, he is a delightful little boy). He's present when they are bathing, dressing, pooing, weeing. AIBU to be concerned..,.....? Even a tiny bit??? Am I creating an issue that really doesn't exist??

Op as a cm I wouldn't stay in the toilet while a 3 year old was doing a wee or poo. I may check pants if there's a smell and help hands wash or wipe if asked but absolutlry children deserve privacy.

Why is your nanny there when they poo and wee. That's your issue too never mind the 8 year old.

The whole set up is wrong.

Sorry, cross post with pigface

I did smile at " no holes barred"

It's weird. However, maybe she's super-paranoid that if unsupervised he'll accidentally break something or spill a drink over your sofa, which will result in childcare problems for her if you then bar her from bringing him.

OP can you think about how you would feel if they were cousins or siblings? I would not mind an 8 year old being with my 5 yr old but its up to you as mum and what you say goes.

I don't think he should be present for any of that, there is no need. I also think that by 5 no-one should be present when using the toilet.

YANBU OP I wouldn't like that either. There is no reason for him to be present for any of those things. As you are paying her you are entitled to politely tell her you feel your DD's should have privacy when toileting and bathing.

Why don't they just shut the door when they're on the toilet?

OP can you think about how you would feel if they were cousins or siblings?

But they aren't cousins or siblings. Even when my son was 8 and his sister was 5.5, I didn't allow him to stand and watch his sister use the bathroom because I feel that any child 5 and up should be granted a certain level of privacy. When my kids were 5 even I didn't hover over them while they were in the bath or on the toilet. I was close by for safety and if they needed help, of course, but at that age they do need to be taught a certain level of self-sufficiency.

You need to be teaching your dc they have a right to privacy in the bathroom and tell your nanny to leave her DS in the living room. I've never heard of an 8yr old wanting to be present when 5yr olds go to the toilet though

YANBU! It's fucking weird!

No it's NOT ok for an 8 y.o. boy to be in the room whilst your 5 y.o. daughter has a shit or a bath!

Why the fuck is he in the same room?

What is this shit?!

I would tell the nanny 'no way!' then fire her!

The nanny shouldn't be there when a 5 year old is pooing people

I don't get the toilet thing your DDs are 5 so in some kind of full time education surely they use the toilet alone there? So why at home is the nanny taking them? Yes they deserve privacy but I'm struggling to understand what is actually happening every tine someone pees the nanny and three children all go 🤔. The bathtime I can see it wouldn't bother me with this age but if you think the girls are bothered say something.

I'd not like this at all. She should be organising herself better. Her son can be given activities to do alone while he is waiting and should be told to give the girls to their privacy. You are the client. Your rules.

Agree with everyone else. It’s a question of privacy, which even 5yos are entitled to. Unless they need help then no one needs to be with them in the toilet.

You might need to teach your 5 year old school children about boundaries and sack your nanny.

How do you know this happens OP?

Also would you allow your 8 year old son (if you had one) to be present at those times?

If your saying sack the Nanny , just how do you think this lady will find someone else willing to work so quickly.
As said have the girls mentioned it?
If so just say your two are beginning to feel they don't want the boy to see them this way and can she ensure he is not in the room.

Are you saying he is in the room when they are in the toilet / having a bath etc?
If so then yanbu.
If you mean he is in the building then yabu.

He's 8!

You're assuming he's heterosexual? He isn't because he's only 8. So he isn't gay or straight - he's a child.

If it was a girl would you be worried? Let me repeat... HES 8!

OP, here's the bottom line... If the nanny's son being present when your girls are toileting, bathing, or changing bothers you, it's wrong. By writing this post it's obvious this bothers you, and I would feel the same. You don't need to justify how you feel about it to anyone for any reason. These are YOUR children and your opinion is the only one that matters. Speak to your Nanny and set new ground rules. She works for you and you call the shots. If she won't comply you clearly need to find someone else to care for your children.

Well the nanny has clearly had no safeguarding training so really why would you employ her?

It's inappropriate in all levels and if you employ someone to take care of your kids that person needs to do more than babysit!

The nanny should be modelling good behaviour and teaching the girls to value their bodies and understand privacy and boundaries.

she clearly isn't with her own child or her employers children

Stink that is a very peculiar response. Children are entitled to privacy. His sex isn't relevant, except that if he has no sisters he might be naturally curious, but that's no reason to violate the OP's DDs' right to privacy.

Does your daughter want privacy? My neice is a similar age and absolutely requires privacy when showering/using the loo. Yanbu, if she wants privacy, to demand nanny co-operates with your privacy policies & even to put up nannycam to enforce it.