Aibu? It's a mil one... nursery photo

[Walkthroughthefire]

It was Ds first day at nursery today. For a specific reason I've deactivated facebook this week with the aim of going back next week to share pics of first day etc. It's a really emotional day for me for various reasons.
I sent a couple of pics to grandparents which were not for public view as they have the name of ds nursery in them.
Dh has just told me his mum has shared on fb. I'm pretty annoyed because a, it's our first and right to share and b, nursery name thing.
I've messaged her and (politely) asked her to remove it. Dh thinks I'm massively unreasonable and she'll now be upset.
Àibu to be upset and have emailed her?

OP.
Glad MIL understood too.

I would have asked her to take them down. I work in the social media industry and would feel that it's not a sensible thing to do, safety wise. And yes, I would have been upset too as I would have wanted to post them. Suspect I will have the same battles here when the time comes, but I completely agree with what you said.

I'm with you on this one as I wouldn't like anyone posting pics of my kids either without asking, especially if it had the school name in it!
On the other hand, she's not psychic and if you didn't say anything then how was she to know?

Not even your own grandchildren? God, FB etiquette must be so complex! Thank goodness I have nothing to do with it. I've just worked out why I don't fall out with any of my DsIL! I don't do FB so never make these mistakes. Maybe all MILs should be advised to deactivate FB when first GC arrives.

1. Sorry for your loss.
2. You were unreasonable to think she would act in a way you wanted without telling her. She is not a mind reader.
3. Depending on the email (i.e. asked very nicely) then its not unreasonable to ask that photos get taken down.
4. But if you had upset her by blaming her for doing something you didnt want her to do without actually telling her then you would have been unreasonable in assigning blame.
5. Be clearer of your desires in future. Its an odd place to be when you get upset at people not being able to read your mind.

Op..These days are very special to everyone no matter the start. Do remember MIL would of worried as well as you when Little one was so poorly.

I would say as she is such an infrequent poster shows how proud she was,

Glad it worked out, but YANBU.

So you sent it to her via Facebook and didn't tell her not to share it? I really don't know how you can be surprised that she has shared it. She is a proud Grandma, you can expect her to want to share it surely?! I really don't understand this not sharing photos thing. Could understand it if she wasn't related, but she's the Grandma for goodness sake. Sharing on Facebook is the modern way of Grandparents showing off their grandchildren pics. And why does it matter if the nursery name is in it? Are you ashamed of the nursery?

If FB/internet didn't exist would you print off photos of other people's children and give them to people who aren't the child's parent?

Yes, you would have. People did. They printed photos and put them in things called photo albums, which were often looked at by friends and family when they visited. They also framed pictures and displayed them in their homes. I imagine the people looking at these pictures on Facebook are the same friends and family who would have looked at them in a photo album? Same thing, different medium. Unless of course the MIL is a public figure and her page is a public page of some kind, what is the reason for concern?

I do think it's completely reasonable to not want pictures you send to others posted. But, because everyone has different ways of using social media (and different ideas about privacy), I think it's necessary to specify your wishes. Politely emailing your MIL after, as you did, is completely reasonable and I'm glad she responded in kind.

Thanks pandora and scottish.
I'm not usually a drama llama I promise!
This thread has actually been good for me and helped me pick apart my feelings a bit. I can see that firsts are just extremely precious to me as we didn't get to do them with dd1 and thought we wouldn't with ds.

I need to remember my children are loved by others and that's a good thing. I don't (and can't) need to control everything with the dc. However, I do stand by the thought she should have waited until I shared then she could have done so - even if I abu by thinking that!
Posters asking why I deactivated - It was to protect myself this week from all the first day of school pictures as I'm heartbroken our beautiful dd should have been having her first day

You have handled this really well OP.

I'm so sorry for your loss and really hope your DS enjoyed nursery today

If FB/internet didn't exist would you print off photos of other people's children and give them to people who aren't the child's parent?

Even if you didn't print copies to give to people, you probably would have bored everyone (even complete strangers) rigid, with your envelope of 'proud granny' snapshots!

Sorry my rents????

Is this second generation mumsnetters posting

Jesus H Christ

nomore, I don't understand your post?
Thank you Bif, I appreciate that

Sorry op it was palegreenstars post

Glad you got it sorted

Well, being expected to be psychic might be a bit upsetting. Not being able to show her friends a picture of her grandson might be a bit upsetting. And the OP is upset AND annoyed.....

And I think you were totally right btw especially given the circumstances. Unmumsnetty hugs

OP I think nomore is directing that at my slang.

I'm a third generation mumsnetter btw. I can't help myself

Sorry- missed the update.

Can quite understand how you feel- and I'm sure your mil will too when you explain.

You were totally right of course OP x

YANBU, if I send pictures of my child to someone I don't expect them to post them online, there was a recent situation where DS uncle posted pictures he had taken of him on his IG, I was livid and like your DH my DP thought I was being unreasoable.

I hope DS enjoyed his first day

Just read your update

Grandmother here - I / we don't post any photographs of the children. We let the parents decide what is to be posted. Our decision.

You can still ask her to delete them, as you say it has the Nursery name on it.