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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu? It's a mil one... nursery photo

83 replies

Walkthroughthefire · 16/08/2017 17:18

It was Ds first day at nursery today. For a specific reason I've deactivated facebook this week with the aim of going back next week to share pics of first day etc. It's a really emotional day for me for various reasons.
I sent a couple of pics to grandparents which were not for public view as they have the name of ds nursery in them.
Dh has just told me his mum has shared on fb. I'm pretty annoyed because a, it's our first and right to share and b, nursery name thing.
I've messaged her and (politely) asked her to remove it. Dh thinks I'm massively unreasonable and she'll now be upset.
Àibu to be upset and have emailed her?

OP posts:
NicolasFlamel · 16/08/2017 17:33

Confused If you didn't ask her not to and you generally share photos of your son on FB then YABU to be cross about it. She probably just assumed it was okay.
It all sounds a bit silly though, why reactivate just to share photos? You can email photos to people you're close to and care about. The flouncy deactivating and wanting to share things first is a bit much.

Laiste · 16/08/2017 17:33

Why the bloody hell are so many MILs so upset at every little thing these days?

Mine's great. Normal, nice woman. Never emotionally blackmailing anyone.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 16/08/2017 17:34

Are you going to massively dripfeed?, I feel one coming on.

DonkeyOil · 16/08/2017 17:34

You don't post photos of other people's children.

Not even your own grandchildren? God, FB etiquette must be so complex! Thank goodness I have nothing to do with it.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 16/08/2017 17:35

Of course she shouldn' t have done that! It's not her child. You don't post photos of other people's children.

So grandchildren are other people's children now Hmm

Hygge · 16/08/2017 17:36

Did you send the pictures to her on Facebook?

Maybe she didn't realise you'd kept them private from everybody else.

Either way, I do think people should check before they share pictures of anybody else's child on the internet, even if you haven't previously asked them not to, or reminded them every time. Family or not, grandparent or not, even if they took the photo, asking the parents first avoids this kind of upset.

leccybill · 16/08/2017 17:36

Def a dripfeed coming here.

Original poster
Walkthroughthefire · 16/08/2017 17:37

Ok, I've over reacted. Thanks for head wobble. It may be surrounding emotions of today clouding my judgement. Clearly I abu.

OP posts:
TeachesOfPeaches · 16/08/2017 17:38

Must be a massive backstory here

eddiemairswife · 16/08/2017 17:39

Well, I'm not on facebook, so I'm another one who doesn't get the angst about posting photos. I also don't get why you've deactivated it. However, there seem to be so many complaints about people sharing stuff they're not supposed to, that one should assume that any postings are going to be made public.
It was simpler when you had to take your film to the chemist to be developed before anyone could see it.

Donttouchthethings · 16/08/2017 17:39

I really don't know why people just assume they can post things like this on fb. There's nothing wrong with having boundaries and I think it's fine to ask someone to take it down. If I was your mil I would apologise and take it down and that would be the end of it.

However, if you're normally quite open online, it could seem weird or confusing so it might well be worth explaining your reasons to her, in the interests of maintaining good relations.

PandorasXbox · 16/08/2017 17:40

Unless she's a vicious, controlling narc and there's a huge backstory here then I think you're being a bit precious here OP.

Some people don't understand the importance of privacy where certain things are concerned and don't mean any harm.

Why don't you want the name of the nursery on FB just out of curiosity?

anna345 · 16/08/2017 17:40

This one has struck a chord with me because I've fallen victim to MIL and Fbook before. Before my daughter was born we explained to MIL that we wouldn't be putting pictures of her on social media. Three hours after I gave birth ( before we'd told anyone other than family) she announced the birth with all the details on Facebook. I think you need to just explain the rules you've decided on then if she flouts them again you have every right to get angry

Hygge · 16/08/2017 17:41

"So grandchildren are other people's children now"

Yes, they are.

Osolea · 16/08/2017 17:41

I'm really shocked at so many people saying the onus is on you to specify that you don't want private pictures you send of your children to be posted on Facebook. I think it's other way round, if someone wants to post a picture of someone else's child, then it's up to them to seek permission.

Yanbu at all OP, and you shouldn't have been put in this position.

BewareOfDragons · 16/08/2017 17:41

If you normally post pics of your children on FB, then you are massively unreasonable. How was she to know?

If you don't, and you've made it clear you don't want your children on FB, then you are not being unreasonable.

SO which is it?

PlaymobilPirate · 16/08/2017 17:42

There must be more to this?

Is there a safeguarding reason why you don't want people seeing the nursery name?

notevernotnevernotnohow · 16/08/2017 17:42

You don't post photos of other people's children

I do. Everyobody I know does.

TheVanguardSix · 16/08/2017 17:46

Just wanted to add, my MIL's profile pic is one of her with my son... her grandson. I totally love that she chose such a photo (and I didn't expect to be asked permission).

RicottaPancakes · 16/08/2017 17:53

Why would you post photos of someone else's child? If FB/internet didn't exist would you print off photos of other people's children and give them to people who aren't the child's parent?

Charliegirl1974 · 16/08/2017 17:53

My only concern would be who could see it and what her privacy settings are. My children's photos are strictly friends only but I'm staggered by the amount of photos of random children I don't know popping up in my newsfeed because a friend has commented on it and the privacy setting is friends of friends or public.

Hotdognoketchup · 16/08/2017 17:55

I wouldn't post photo's of other DC on social media without having checked that it was okay. One sister shares a lot of pictures on social media the other never would, I would expect dm to respect both of their approaches to this.
It is recommended to DC and adults that they don't share uniform identifying photos online.

Craigie · 16/08/2017 18:03

How did you have time to email grandparents and not do a FB update yourself. Stop being so silly, it is completely unimportant in the grand scheme of things.

Original poster
Walkthroughthefire · 16/08/2017 18:05

No backstory with mil, she's just such an infrequent poster it didn't occur to me that she would do it therefore not to ask her. We usually get on fine and she did take it down and said sorry.
I guess there is a back story with our dc which is why today was very difficult for me.
I am now going to be accused of massive drip feed but didn't really think it was necessary to mention in my op.
Today would have been our dd1's first day of p1 and ds was touch and go for several weeks in hospital at birth. So things like this are a massive deal to me.
Sorry if this is a drip feed. You've made me realise my feeling a around today are making me things in a bit of a loon way. Happy to be told I abu and have a word with myself. It is nice that she's proud and I do usually post stuff. Am unsure about her security settings though as mine are as tight as I can make them

OP posts:
Palegreenstars · 16/08/2017 18:06

My rents do silly things through not getting social media - accidentally posting a funny postcard with their address on for example.

I'd just quickly tell her to edit out the name of the school or remove.

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