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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed that DH won't get out of bed?

109 replies

pikeletwithbutter · 16/08/2017 09:27

Because it's honestly starting to drive me mad and I'm not sure if I'm BU?

Apart from when he has to be up for work DH never surfaces before 9.30am at the very earliest. He often works late shifts as well, and will sleep later those days too. He didn't get up until nearly 10.30am yesterday!

I'm an early riser admittedly, but I'm fed up with always having to chase him out of bed. We also have a puppy and a cat, and nine times out of ten it's me who gets up to feed them, take puppy out etc.

I've tried explaining so many times how much I would appreciate him getting up at a decent time occasionally, but it never happens.

AIBU? Because I'm really getting fed up with it.

OP posts:
Slimthistime · 16/08/2017 11:12

YABU

If his timings don't suit a puppy then you shouldn't have got one, but then again if he's up late, if the puppy needs anything at those times your DH is around?

If he is working late, I am baffled why this matters. Or even if he is a late riser.

Seeingadistance · 16/08/2017 11:13

YADBU!

I bet you talk in the mornings as well - you'll be all chirpy and expect him to form words and whole sentences too!

This morning I got up at 11am. I work from home, and unless I have a meeting organised (usually in the afternoon if I have any control over it) I get up late and work late.

I don't do mornings, unless I have to.

When my DS was little, I had to.

If you had small children and your DH wasn't getting up to do his fair share, then yes, you would have a problem.

As it is - no, you don't.

Your DH does have a problem though - you hassling him in the mornings. Let him sleep!

whinesalot · 16/08/2017 11:15

You'd hate me. I'm still in bed.

frieda909 · 16/08/2017 11:18

My boyfriend works from home and he's almost always still in bed while I'm getting ready. He tends to get up and start work just as I'm heading out the door.

It's never, ever occurred to me to be annoyed with him or think that he should be getting up because I'm getting ready.

Either YABU or you've not explained your problem very well, because I'm really struggling to see what the issue is.

I used to have a partner who'd make me get out of bed as soon as he did (as I started work a lot later) and then he'd demand that I iron his shirt, make his breakfast and pack his bag for work because he was too busy getting ready and I was 'awake anyway'. He was a controlling arse.

NannyRed · 16/08/2017 11:20

If you want a grumpy old man mooching about under your feet whilst you're busy with the early morning routine then wake him. Otherwise leave him where he is....out of the way.

Choccyhobnob · 16/08/2017 11:26

I hate DH sleeping in late. And my definition of late is 8am! BUT I have a toddler, I do every bedtime, every night wake-up, get up at 6am for work every day and begrudge having to get DS ready for nursery whilst getting myself ready during the week whilst DH stays in bed as he doesn't have to work (from home) until 9am. I imagine he goes back to bed at 7.15am when me and DS leave the house.

And at the weekends DH gets up at 6am and goes to golf on a Saturday so I am up at 6 am yet again with the toddler doing breakfast etc so obviously on a Sunday I want DH up with us/instead of me so that I can maybe get an extra 30 mins in bed?

So yes, DH staying in bed annoys the crap out of the me but 90% of this is because of parenting responsibility. Before we had DS it was more a minor irritation as I am an early riser and get bored and want to talk to him whilst I get ready lol plus, like I said, 8.30am would be considered late for both of us.

So, I think YABU as you don't have children to get up and ready etc (but I have no idea what looking after a puppy involves so maybe it's similar!)

Bumbumtaloo · 16/08/2017 11:34

My DH would sleep all day if he could. I usually give him a poke around 9.30/10 if he needs to get up.

On the flip side I'm up at stupid o'clock my day can and does often start at 12/1am thanks to insomnia.

We have two dd's so I'm normally up and looking after them early then if I need a nap and/or go to bed early DH is with them.

Pre kids we both slept as long as we needed and never woke the other unless it was for work/an appointment.

So all in all OP I think YABU.

ladystarkers · 16/08/2017 11:36

I don't see the issue. Dh an early riser, I am not, he does what needs to be done.

Sayhellotothemoomoos · 16/08/2017 11:37

It's strange how it seems to be men lying in while their wives get up with the children. Yet they can get up early when needed for golf.

Are there any women that sleep in regularly until 10 while their husbands get up early with the kids?

NerdyBird · 16/08/2017 11:38

I can't imagine what your cat is doing that it needs anything more than feeding in the morning. I manage to get ready with a toddler, pretty sure you can manage it with a puppy.
I actually think that early/late rising is an important compatability factor. DH and I are both naturally late risers. I wouldn't like someone who got up at 6 badgering me to get up if there was no reason.

Slimthistime · 16/08/2017 11:39

moomoos, pretty irrelevant to the OP though.

oddest sentence in OP "He often works late shifts as well, and will sleep later those days too"

well of course he does!!

user1489675144 · 16/08/2017 11:43

LOL glad you don't have children...

You have pets and are moaning because you are an early riser and have to feed them etc... does he walk/play feed said puppy later in the day?

user1489675144 · 16/08/2017 11:44

This "Assuming he goes to sleep later than you, how would you feel if he told you to stay up until he was ready to go to bed? Or told you to stay in bed until he was ready to get up?

You do sound rather like you're taking the moral high ground because you happen to prefer sleeping and waking earlier than he does."

Excellent post... OP seems rather childish/anal/point watching!

BastardGoDarkly · 16/08/2017 11:45

moomoos think you'll find that was just one poster Hmm

My dh gets up with the kids on weekends, because I work late.

Nicknacky · 16/08/2017 11:46

sayhello I'm like the op's husband and my H gets up early with the kids. I do also work shifts but can easily sleep in on my days off.

BastardGoDarkly · 16/08/2017 11:47

Op? You coming back?

gamerchick · 16/08/2017 11:51

No kids? Nope no issue.

During school holidays I sleep until between those times and the husband is up at the crack of twat work or not. He likes the mornings to watch his shite and I go to bed well after him so I can watch my shite. He'll only get me up if I've asked him specifically.

Leave him alone, put the puppy in its crate or a pen if it can't be left unattended.

user1489675144 · 16/08/2017 11:51

The OP's not coming back because she is 'getting ready' ...whatever that means and he must be up now watching the demanding puppy while she gets ready!

These posts are so funny - the things people complain about in a relationship.... bet when she is sleeping he is doing all sorts in the evening (watching said puppy) but she probably hasn't considered that end of the day as important as her end of the day - he should run a mile

scampimom · 16/08/2017 11:52

My DH gets up with the toddler every day, including weekends when I have a lie-in. He is a morning person, I am a night owl. He is not "better" than me for being able to fall asleep at 10 and wake at 6, and it wouldn't occur to him to think so!

whosahappyharry · 16/08/2017 11:54

I work shifts, often do lates. I'm a natural early riser but there is no way in hell I'd be surfacing before 9.30am on days where I work lates. It plays havoc with your body clock.

Oh and I have a disabled four year old...bit trickier than a puppy and we manage fine.

Madonna9 · 16/08/2017 11:57

How would you feel if he would try to keep you awake every night for another two hours after you're ready to go to bed?
If there were other things you'd need to do together or take turns in doing I'd totally get it. But that's not the case. So I'd let him do his own thing, just like you do.
Just don't wake him up anymore.

Choccyhobnob · 16/08/2017 11:57

Sorry I should have added that he actually doesn't sleep late because I make him get up for all those reasons! But if we didn't have kids I would feel mean making him get up for no reason at all!

Gorgosparta · 16/08/2017 11:57

If you're happy for your husband to lie in bed all morning while you get up and look after the children/pets/house, it seems a bit unfair to me. Presumably he's not then looking after the children/pets/house at midnight?

Lol. Dh always did the late feeds and sorted the pets at night. He would be on baby duty until around 2am. I did early morning feeds. We both got a period of unbroken sleep. I was on mat leave and he worked. He still did 50:50.

If our 6 year old wakes up in the night dh is more likely to jump up to him.

The dog is easy. Also was as a puppy and since i was up anyway.

It was perfectly fair. I am not some poor put upon wife. I just dont expect my dh to get up because I am an early riser. I dont consider a sleep in until 9:30 sleeping a the day or morning away.

MadamPince · 16/08/2017 11:58

Given that everything bar nightclubs, tends to shut down in the evening, I'm not sure what there is to miss out on.

Given that few places open before 10am I don't see what people are missing when they don't get up at 5/6am.

Are there any women that sleep in regularly until 10 while their husbands get up early with the kids?

My husband gets up at 6am, gets himself ready, sorts out the pets, then gets our son up to take him to nursery. My work doesn't start til later so I sleep until 8:30am, and do all the evening pick ups. Naught wrong with that, that's just how we balance things.

And yes, sometimes I get a nice lie in at the weekend while they get up and go have breakfast/play/watch telly. I frequently work Saturdays so they're used to doing it, and they rarely get 1:1 time during the week.

I used to work shifts til 10pm and then have to get up for a 9am start and it was utter crap, I can totally see why the OP's husband likes to have a wee lie in.

Gorgosparta · 16/08/2017 11:59

And lets remember.......the OP doesnt have kids at the moment. So who does what with the kids is irrelevant.

If the only objection is because its looking after thr kids or wanting to take the kids out. It doesnt apply to the OP.