Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed that DH won't get out of bed?

109 replies

pikeletwithbutter · 16/08/2017 09:27

Because it's honestly starting to drive me mad and I'm not sure if I'm BU?

Apart from when he has to be up for work DH never surfaces before 9.30am at the very earliest. He often works late shifts as well, and will sleep later those days too. He didn't get up until nearly 10.30am yesterday!

I'm an early riser admittedly, but I'm fed up with always having to chase him out of bed. We also have a puppy and a cat, and nine times out of ten it's me who gets up to feed them, take puppy out etc.

I've tried explaining so many times how much I would appreciate him getting up at a decent time occasionally, but it never happens.

AIBU? Because I'm really getting fed up with it.

OP posts:
Qvar · 16/08/2017 09:48

Yabu

And you are being a control freak

You don't get to dictate when another adult gets out of bed. Leave him alone. If you were my partner I'd tear a fucking strip off you for being so rude and controlling as to wake me up because you don't want me to be asleepp

DancesWithOtters · 16/08/2017 09:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

VimFuego101 · 16/08/2017 09:49

Do you get up specifically to deal with the puppy or are you up anyway? He should do his share of letting the dog out, but otherwise why not just let him sleep? what time does he work until/ go to bed?

SantasLittleMonkeyButler · 16/08/2017 09:50

What time does he work "late" until OP?

Does he generally go to bed later than you?

I must say I've never liked the general belief that being in bed from 10pm to 6am makes you virtuous but being in bed from 2am to 10am makes you a lazy slob Confused. It's still 8 hours.

If you needed help getting DCs up & ready or if you had mobility problems & needed DH to be taking puppy out for her morning walk, then I would understand. But it seems as though you just think he should be awake because you are?

Birdsgottafly · 16/08/2017 09:50

He does get up at a decent time, can a time be indecent? It just doesn't suit you.

I think as long as he pulls his weight when he does get up, then you are being unreasonable.

If you are up to see to the puppy/cat anyway, why does he need to be up?

"" He often works late shifts as well, and will sleep later those days too. He didn't get up until nearly 10.30am yesterday!""

Because he went to bed later Confused.

Shift work plays havoc with your body clock.

JustMumNowNotMe · 16/08/2017 09:50

you need hom to get up for the puppy so you can get ready?! Confused I have a toddler and a baby and get ready just fine without DH. Do you struggle with coping generally or just around pets?

NC4now · 16/08/2017 09:51

YABU. I'm in my bed now, working. Husband left hours ago, kids are away. I love my bed.

GinIsIn · 16/08/2017 09:51

You wake him up, when you are up anyway, and he works late shifts, and you think HE is the one BU?! Shock

SapphireStrange · 16/08/2017 09:54

Does he take responsibility for the pets at other times of day? He definitely should do his share, but you're not being reasonable if your complaint is specifically that he doesn't sort out the pets early in the morning.

blackteasplease · 16/08/2017 09:54

YABVU

You have no DC, he isn't working those days. It's up to him when you get up.

Trying to force him to your schedule is horrible.

Gorgosparta · 16/08/2017 09:55

In fact the kids are away.

I am on annual leave. Ddog can go in her crate a bit and i am going to go to bed and check my email.

Not a workaholic. I will just have a million emails, that wont be relevant when i get back if i dont. Grin

AragornsManlyStubble · 16/08/2017 09:58

Yabu.

GreenTulips · 16/08/2017 09:58

One of us gets up - leaves the door open and the dog comes in and out

I don't stop getting ready because we have a dog!

If he's off work can he not walk the dog when he gets up later?

ClemDanfango · 16/08/2017 09:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

teaandtoast · 16/08/2017 09:58

And YABU.

FrogsSitonLogs · 16/08/2017 09:59

Before we had DC I used to get up at 11. DH always woke up at 9. He never told me to get up. Why would he?

Why on earth should he get up just because you have to?

Now we get woken up at 5.30 every day....

theymademejoin · 16/08/2017 10:00

I have 2 dogs. The only effort required in the morning is to let them out for a wee and to let them back in. Unless the puppy is still being house trained and you need to keep a continuous eye out for signs of wanting to go to the toilet, it's not a big deal. If you are still house training, I would recommend crate training. I would also suggest getting a cat collar with a bell on it as they always go to the toilet when they wake up and the bell will warn you they are moving.

Even if you are house training, the same effort is required in the evening and presumably your dh does that while you're in bed?

I have to say, morning people who try and inflict their views on night people annoy me. I am a night person but would never dream of telling dh he needs to stay up to share letting the dogs out for their last wee or whatever. Equally, he would never expect me to get up early to suit him. He claims the best part of the day is the morning. I agree, so long as I'm sleeping through it.

A relationship is teamwork but that doesn't mean both of you doing everything together. It usually means a reasonably equal division, taking into account the strengths, weaknesses and preferences of each of you.

honeyroar · 16/08/2017 10:01

I'm still in bed! I work shifts and am knackered. I think quite a lot of people think I'm a night owl/bit lazy. Occasionally they come to work with me and suddenly they're all "I don't know how you do it!"

We have pets. I took them out late last night, my husband took them out this morning and brought me a coffee in bed. If they go out late enough our dogs will lie in too. Puppies are different initially, of course.

If he's doing enough later on, you need to have a bit more understanding of his shifts/life.

littlepeas · 16/08/2017 10:02

Some people are just wired this way op- I am a 'night owl', even if I try to go to bed early I can't fall asleep until around midnight (even if exhausted). It's really hard on days when you know you have to be up early and a day when you can lie in is an amazing luxury. My dh moans at me too - I just ignore him. That said, if I could change one thing about myself I would be an early riser - the world is not geared up for night owls!

Maelstrop · 16/08/2017 10:10

But who keeps an eye on the puppy overnight? Is he is a crate? What time does your DH get in/go to bed after lates? Mine does a late shift until 3am. I creep round, take out the dog, would never dream of getting him up. Why do you want him up? Can't you deal with the puppy/cat? I'd be delighted to have the puppy to myself! Can you delay the puppy walk til later if he's going out yet?

ThePinkOcelot · 16/08/2017 10:11

You sound very bossy OP. Just because you are up, why should your husband?!
If the pets are a problem, just rehome them, simple!

CruCru · 16/08/2017 10:11

I wonder if the OP is getting a hard time. Is this a situation where the husband went on and on about how much he wanted a puppy and swore that he would do all the work? Then the OP ends up doing all the work. If that is the case then that would be quite annoying.

DixieFlatline · 16/08/2017 10:13

Oh dear, you feel like his mum because you're acting like his mum.

This.

Not that you've given any indication that he actually behaves like a child, but look up transactional analysis. If you treat and talk to him like you are his parent, you are more than likely to get child behaviour back. Treat him like an equal adult if you don't want to play mum to him. I'm sure it's not fun for him either.

Incidentally, if either DH or I insisted on trying to dictate when the other got up (and our sleep schedules are more often out of sync than they are in sync) we would have a far less pleasant relationship.

hiccupgirl · 16/08/2017 10:16

I'm with you OP.

I'm a morning person, DH isn't and it does wind me up that he never gets up with DS unless I wake him up. I also get bored waiting around for him in the mornings - DS is also a morning person so we're ready to do things while waiting for DH to get going. Taking DS to 9am activities at the weekend works well as DH gets to get ready slowly and I get out of the house for a bit without being annoyed at how slow he is in the morning.

It's one of those things that you either live with (and quietly be annoyed about) or you decide it's a deal breaker IMO. I don't think you can make a night owl into a morning person or vice versa.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 16/08/2017 10:16

My DH is also like this - he seems to have the bed Araldited to his spine. It drives me crackers!

I can't even get on with much after I come back from walking the dogs (at 6.00 in the morning). Although I don't expect him up at that time, if he could get his arse out of bed before 10.00 it wild be very nice.