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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be annoyed that DH won't get out of bed?

109 replies

pikeletwithbutter · 16/08/2017 09:27

Because it's honestly starting to drive me mad and I'm not sure if I'm BU?

Apart from when he has to be up for work DH never surfaces before 9.30am at the very earliest. He often works late shifts as well, and will sleep later those days too. He didn't get up until nearly 10.30am yesterday!

I'm an early riser admittedly, but I'm fed up with always having to chase him out of bed. We also have a puppy and a cat, and nine times out of ten it's me who gets up to feed them, take puppy out etc.

I've tried explaining so many times how much I would appreciate him getting up at a decent time occasionally, but it never happens.

AIBU? Because I'm really getting fed up with it.

OP posts:

Lenl · 16/08/2017 10:17

Yabu. 9.30am isn't that late and if he works a late shift why shouldn't he sleep even longer than that?

Why does the puppy have to be watched?! Crate or pen for when you're getting ready. Feel like this might be about something else really. Maybe deep down you feel like he isn't take responsibility elsewhere in life or something

GrandDesespoir · 16/08/2017 10:19

Assuming he goes to sleep later than you, how would you feel if he told you to stay up until he was ready to go to bed? Or told you to stay in bed until he was ready to get up?

You do sound rather like you're taking the moral high ground because you happen to prefer sleeping and waking earlier than he does.

trulybadlydeeply · 16/08/2017 10:21

I'm afraid I'm another one who doesn't see the issue, and don't understand why you are chasing him out of bed.

If you are an early riser (as am I) then you get up, let puppy out for a wee, feed the cat, job done. I'm sure there is time to fit in a quick walk before work as well, as a puppy will only need a short walk when very young. No-one should need to keep an eye on the puppy when you get ready for work. Presumably you have set up places/rooms where he/she can be and be safe. Don't forget as well, they are only puppies for a short time, and soon will be very happy being let out for a wee in the morning and then snoozing until walk time!

Does your DH do some of the pet care later on in the day? I guess he can let it out late at night, before he goes to bed, which must help.

whinesalot · 16/08/2017 10:21

I'm in bed now mumsnetting purely because I love my bed. I bet you do things that you like but dh can't comprehend.
Live and let live.

MiniCooperLover · 16/08/2017 10:21

My DH wakes up about 7.30 or so on a Saturday and will get up and not make noise as such but not be quiet either. Our 6 year old wakes up about the same time. Saturdays are my only chance to wake up naturally, myself, without someone shouting 'Mummy' from the other bedroom and it fucks me right off that he won't just let me stay asleep, that they both interrupt my sleep all fucking week long. I'm an adult and I understand my responsibilities but I want to be allowed to wake up naturally at least one bloody time a week! So yes YABU! Just because you're up doesn't mean he has to be.

Lana1234 · 16/08/2017 10:23

My partner works late shifts. On his days off he can lie in til whenever he likes, he needs the rest and it's much later than 9.30/10.30am, that's not even unreasonable i get up feed the cats, do their trays and have a quick tidy whilst getting ready. Does he do his share later in the day?

ElinorRigby · 16/08/2017 10:24

My husband has retired and my daughter is at university. I work irregular hours and sometimes from home.

Even so we are normally up by 8 at the latest. We enjoy making the most of the daylight and having breakfast together and talking about what we'll be going that day.

I associate long lie-ins with teenage years and early twenties when going out at night was more important.

I suspect that the early starts that come with looking after children have permanently changed my sleeping habits.

PandorasXbox · 16/08/2017 10:26

You're a morning person which is your choice. You can't dictate what time he gets up. Puppy or no puppy. You bought the dog knowing he likes to sleep in!

Sayhellotothemoomoos · 16/08/2017 10:27

I think yanbu. Unless they were working nights it would drive me mad to live with someone who regularly slept half the day away.

dollydaydream114 · 16/08/2017 10:33

Unless they were working nights it would drive me mad to live with someone who regularly slept half the day away.

Getting up at 9.30 is not sleeping half the day away, FFS

golfin · 16/08/2017 10:34

As long as he does his fair share of housework, and sorts the puppy out when you're not there, then URBU.

Mines still in bed, I've been up since 7. It's peaceful.

Gorgosparta · 16/08/2017 10:37

Have to laugh at 9:30-10:30 being classed as sleeping half the day away.

I get up between 5 & 6 everyday even weekends. I love being up early.

But 10:30 is not half the bloody day.

StormTreader · 16/08/2017 10:40

Ah, the early riser.
"I am up so everyone should be up! Im not unreasonable, I let them sleep in until 9.30!"
I bet you wouldnt be happy if he kept waking you up after youd gone to bed because you were "missing the best part of the day".

Sayhellotothemoomoos · 16/08/2017 10:40

Well it is in my view. I have children and a toddler though and we are usually out of the house early.

Personally it would drive me mad. 10.30am might not be half the day but I'd imagine by the time you've had breakfast, drink and shower it would be knocking on for lunchtime.

Purplemac · 16/08/2017 10:40

Unless they were working nights it would drive me mad to live with someone who regularly slept half the day away

How is getting up at 9.30am sleeping half the day away?

OP you have a different sleep pattern to your DH, deal with it. Who's to say yours is better than his?

I am an early riser and am usually up by 7.30-8am on my days off, and 5.30am when I have work. DH gets up at 8.30am on work days (unless DSD is here, in which case its 7.30am for the school run) but will happily sleep in until 10am at the weekends. Doesn't bother me because we either have plans (in which case he will get up earlier) or we don't - so he can stay in bed as long as he bloody likes. I'm always up first so I let the dog out in the morning and feed him - it takes about 90 seconds to do both. Can't see why you're struggling so much with it?

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 16/08/2017 10:43

Unless they were working nights it would drive me mad to live with someone who regularly slept half the day away.

Firstly 9.30 isn't half the day.

Secondly it can drive people mad I'm sure living with people who insist on getting up at the crack of dawn when they don't have to.

Gorgosparta · 16/08/2017 10:46

Well it is in my view. I have children and a toddler though and we are usually out of the house early.

I have kids. And pets. I also get up early but dont enforce that on dh. If i am up i am up. If we were going out and needes him up at a certain time fair enough. But everyday?

Half the day is half the day. There is no view on it. Its a fact. Half the day is not 9:30 or 10:30.

becotide · 16/08/2017 10:51

"Well it is in my view. I have children and a toddler though and we are usually out of the house early."

That's your problem, nobody else's. i have an 11 year old and a 14 year old and they would ring childline if I made them get up efore "half the day" was gone

What I find is this - people who get up at the crack of dawn are utterly USELESS after 7pm. THEY are the ones wasting half the day, they waste the latter half, vegging out in front of crap telly because they're too tired to do anything interesting or constructive,

PandorasXbox · 16/08/2017 10:54

10.30 is not half the day.

Sayhellotothemoomoos · 16/08/2017 10:55

Well it's each to their own isn't it? Personally I couldn't live with it.

If you're happy for your husband to lie in bed all morning while you get up and look after the children/pets/house, it seems a bit unfair to me. Presumably he's not then looking after the children/pets/house at midnight?

It's a good chunk of the day missed.

Everyone has the odd sleepy day if they've nowhere to be. Obviously I'm in the minority here but I do agree with the op.

AnnieAnoniMouse · 16/08/2017 10:55

I think it can be deeply irritating & relationship ending to have different sleeping patterns. Neither of you are wrong, just different. I burn the candle at both ends & don't sleep well inbetween - so I hate waking anyone, ever, as sleep is precious as far as I'm concerned. I couldn't be with someone who wasn't an early bird too as it feels like a waste of the day to me to be in bed & I feel like I can't get in with my day when they're sleeping (because I'm being ultra quiet or want to be with them or going out or getting stuff done - whatever). It's not that I think they're wrong, it's just incompatible with me, so I wouldn't get into a relationship with someone who likes to sleep in (more than occasionally).

But you are already in a relationship & you need to accept you are not right & he is not wrong. If you want to stay together you need to have a really good talk about how difficult you're finding this incompatibility. Don't focus on the puppy, or jobs etc, but on how you find it makes you 'out of kilter' with each other and see if there's a compromise there somewhere. There really should be, but if not you have two choices - accept this is what it means to be in a relationship with him or leave.

There are 24 hours in each day, plenty of time to sleep & pull his weight with the pets, just not necessarily when you think he should. Unless you want to sleep later though, I can't see why it bothers you to see to your pets in the morning when you're awake & let him do 'dinner' and 'last walk/wee' with the puppy. As for getting someone out of bed to watch a puppy while you get ready for work, that's just bloody nuts! You need 'a safe space' for him/her.

I'm sorry you're having fertility problems 💐 However, I strongly suggest you discuss what this would mean for your relationship/sleep patterns etc if you did get pregnant, because trust me, if it's pissing you off to sort out a cat & a dog in the morning, you're going to be a raging ball of fury if you add a baby into the mix & he's not prepared to change. But he might be, for a baby.

viques · 16/08/2017 11:00

Ok, you are up so you do the early morning feeding and puppy walk. but those are not the only pet caring activities that happen during the day, there is always more : walking, socialising, training, feeding, cleaning up after, pet food dishwashing, grooming. Who does all those?

Sayhellotothemoomoos · 16/08/2017 11:00

*'That's your problem, nobody else's'.
*
I don't have a problem with sleeping. Dh and I are both up for work, on weekends we both get up when the youngest wakes up and we start the day.

Given that everything bar nightclubs, tends to shut down in the evening, I'm not sure what there is to miss out on.

RhubardGin · 16/08/2017 11:06

Sorry OP. The only issue I see is a controlling wife.

You don't have DC and your DH works late, why should he get up just because you are?

The puppy can be left in his pen while you get ready for work and if he is up around 9.30/10.30 anyway what's the issue?

Or is there a massive drip feed coming about how lazy he is, does no housework etc etc

BastardGoDarkly · 16/08/2017 11:06

Yeah, YABU.

What time does he finish on the late shift?

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