To be late on the first day of work?

[Zumbumba]

DH has a new job as head of a department in a school. At interview, he forgot to mention that we have a wedding to go to in France the Sunday before school starts. Because of where it is, we cannot get back on the Sunday, but are on the first Eurostar into Paris on the Monday morning. He is due in school at 8.30am. He will be there at 9.30, 10am at the latest.

He had agreed the time off with previous school but forgot about the wedding when interviewing and contact day at new school. WIBU to be 1-1.5hrs late on the first day of a new job? He is planning to contact the school about it tomorrow (or rather, Friday post A level results). The other option is that he says nothing, misses the wedding and flies back on Sunday morning. And I travel home with our 8mo alone.

He is convinced people will judge him against this and will set an unfavourable impression. I am not convinced anyone will even remember beyond the first day.

Is it the first teaching day or is it inset?

He's right. First impressions count for 90 per cent of a coworker's attitude to you. Why don't all 3 of you fly back early if you have concerns about travelling with your baby.

I'm with your DH. Particularly as he's in a management role. Terrible example to set. For the birth of own child or close family funeral it'd be fine, but I don't think so for a wedding. Sorry.

He cant miss his first day by being late without telling them. Surely he covering a class!!!

I'm a teacher and it would be very bad form to be late without having agreed it already. I would be surprised if it would be agreed now as not discussed at interview.

I'm with him, this is important. He needs to miss the wedding I'm afraid rather than be late on the first day!

Wedding of close relative or friend?

Does he have a form? If so he will very much be needed.

He has to get back on time. Unless it's INSET and pre-arranged (even then it's a bit iffy)

Better for him to get the train the day before.

People are definitely going to remember. I'd fly back on the Sunday if I were him.

He can't be late on his first day.

If it was discussed and agreed with at the interview then yes. But now he has to turn up on time.

the problem is if the school say no of course you can't we need you at 830 he might have to be prepared to not go to the wedding at all. He's not a NQT I would expect a head of department to remember something as important as this.
Failing that you could have the car break down and then getting in an hours late would be problem but unavoidable!

Op your dh is right...he will be judged and i expect might be in vvv serious trouble. Id miss the wedding rather than ask.

Yeah I think he should contact them and offer to fly back the Sunday. If he's lucky they'll say it's not a problem but if they appear peeved then he should absolutely get home in time.

I think it would be poor form to be late on a first day

Teachers can't be late ever. But especially on the first day.

Well, he'll certainly make an impression!

I agree with your DH. He will be remembered as having been late and anytime he's late again, it will be highlighted in people's minds. Unfair perhaps but that's just the way it goes unfortunately.

Anywhere I've worked this would set a black mark against you from the start. It would be a career limiting move, basically.

If your DH follows your (rather poor, in my sector) advice, DO NOT tell the truth that he left it until the last minute to spot the clash and knew he was going to be late. It would have to be truly outside his control in order for it to be remotely accepted where I work (flight massively delayed, illness, emergency childcare needs).. even then, would be looked on cooly.

What industry/job do you have where this would be no big deal op?

I know people from waitresses to builders to surgeons, and not 1 would do this on their first day & it be unmemorable...

I would go in on Thursday and speak to the head in person.

Is it a teaching day or an INSET day?

Does he have the timetable for the INSET day?

Our 'first day back' is actually INSET, but the first couple of hours are ALWAYS mandatory child protection updates, which no-one can miss.

if it's a teaching day, no he can't be late. Presumably he has his timetable, and has to be in front of a class. As a head of department, first day of term he'd usually be in - in any school I know, though admittedly I am primary - at 7.30 amish.

So, in summary, he'll have to miss the wedding UNLESS the first day is actually INSET and the first couple of hours timetabled for the day are something he can miss. The late notice, of something he has known about for a long time, would also be a serious black mark IME.

I would phone in sick and take the whole day off before I did what you're suggesting.

Although, of course, if he did do that, he'd have to make sure he isn't tagged in any wedding photos on FB lest his new friends/colleagues see him.

Your DH is right: it would look pretty appalling.

Thank you all for your advice - it's very much appreciated. I wish he'd remembered to mention this at interview, but we can't change that now.

To answer, it's an INSET day but it's clear that that wouldn't make any difference.

Looks like he'll have to miss the wedding then.

Turn up late on your first day?! No, no, just no. Absolutely not. Can't believe anybody would even ask this tbh.

I'm afraid he needs to be there, unless it is non-vital INSET and he can ask to have the morning off unpaid. But I wouldn't like to ask this of a new Head if I hadn't raised it at interview. Why don't you and your baby go to the wedding without him, and give him a day to prepare himself for his new job? Travelling with one baby that I assume isn't yet toddling isn't too difficult.