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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be late on the first day of work?

95 replies

Zumbumba · 15/08/2017 21:01

DH has a new job as head of a department in a school. At interview, he forgot to mention that we have a wedding to go to in France the Sunday before school starts. Because of where it is, we cannot get back on the Sunday, but are on the first Eurostar into Paris on the Monday morning. He is due in school at 8.30am. He will be there at 9.30, 10am at the latest.

He had agreed the time off with previous school but forgot about the wedding when interviewing and contact day at new school. WIBU to be 1-1.5hrs late on the first day of a new job? He is planning to contact the school about it tomorrow (or rather, Friday post A level results). The other option is that he says nothing, misses the wedding and flies back on Sunday morning. And I travel home with our 8mo alone.

He is convinced people will judge him against this and will set an unfavourable impression. I am not convinced anyone will even remember beyond the first day.

OP posts:

BobbinThreadbare123 · 15/08/2017 22:00

I think if you were a member of his new department who had only met him once on the summer term intro day, you'd notice he wasn't there.

leccybill · 15/08/2017 22:01

I know countless teachers who have missed their own DC's first day at school, because it was their own first day at school.
Gutting but just part of the conditions of the job.

Celticlassie · 15/08/2017 22:03

Just to add to my post, it may just be my school, but the HT generally authorises days off for weddings, (of family or close friends)because we can't take annual leave in the way others can. I had two married colleagues who were given 4 days off (albeit partly unpaid) to attend a wedding in Italy!

WeAllHaveWings · 15/08/2017 22:07

argeles is exactly the kind of person your dh doesn't want to be associated with.

Sorry if he misses the wedding, but do try to find an alternative route back.

Cakesprinkles · 15/08/2017 22:12

When I worked in a boarding school we had Saturday lessons but were always allowed time off for weddings etc as the head understood that most people don't work 6 days a week and that there was some give and take. I now work in a day school, have been there for some time and have got a wedding on a Sunday coming up in the Autumn term. Even though I don't teach first two lessons on a Monday morning I'm not going to ask to come in late because I have a new Head starting this term and I don't want to be asking for favours so early on in our professional relationship. Presenteeism in teaching is rife, and I don't want to rock the boat, especially as I've been promoted this year.

CotswoldStrife · 15/08/2017 22:19

So you are on holiday in France and there is a wedding at the end on the Sunday? Tbh, I doubt your husband forgot to mention it at the interview, he knew it would not make a good impression so didn't mention it!

I agree with your DH, I do think it would make a bad impression on the first day.

Original poster

Zumbumba · 15/08/2017 22:21

Again thanks for your replies (well the majority of them, people suggesting I get a grip for something they've incorrectly inferred and those critical of teacher holidays can do one.

We've managed to find flights back from a different airport further away we've worked out we can get to. I'm horrified I didn't realise this was an option in the first place (I'm not usually so inept and feel quite embarrassed). Will chalk up the added costs to experience.

I clearly got this completely wrong - I'm not unprofessional and certainly wouldn't consider lying (case in point: I missed my grandmother's funeral in my first year of teaching as leave wasn't agreed in time for me to get there). Thank you for putting me right, I really appreciate it.

OP posts:

SparklyUnicornPoo · 15/08/2017 22:22

He should just phone up the school in the morning to say he has diarrhoea and it's kept him up for a few hours.

This may actually be the worst advice ever. You cannot call in saying you'll be late with diarrhoea, there's the 48 hour rule plus 'Oh my wife bought some tablets at 9, I'm now totally fine, dressed and into work at 9.30" is completely unbelievable and when he got caught out lying, which he would with a story that flimsy, it would be gross misconduct.

DH can try asking to be late but I suspect it won't be allowed, especially on an inset day in a new school (where he'll have a lot of new policies to learn and a whole department to organise). And yes, it would make a bad impression and it would be remembered. You are an adult and it's only France, I am sure you can manage to travel alone with an 8 month old, it's a couple of hours on a train.

Original poster

Zumbumba · 15/08/2017 22:31

Hand up, the line about travelling home with DD alone was because I was feeling annoyed by it. Not because I don't feel like I can. I'm well aware that I'm an adult and can travel home with a child quite easily. Sorry, I should have left it out.

OP posts:

Original poster

Zumbumba · 15/08/2017 22:32

*hands up, not hand. Not back at school yet...

OP posts:

Glumglowworm · 15/08/2017 22:52

Glad you've found an alternative arrangement OP

argeles advice is appalling for any time but especially the first day of a job

BlessYourCottonSocks · 16/08/2017 00:03

Glad you've found an alternative, OP - but are you saying you're a teacher also? Because if so, c'mon! You MUST have known that a HoD turning up late on their first day was completely unacceptable.

Motoko · 16/08/2017 01:53

Christ, you have to wonder how bad the school that Argeles works in is, with so many bunking off work will nilly.

SunnySkiesSleepsintheMorning · 16/08/2017 02:12

Oh OP, you can't graciously admit you're BU and find a solution to the problem, based on actually using the advice from some people. You're meant to strop and throw names and disagree with everyone, surely?! Glad you found a solution but annoying you have to spend extra. Hope all goes well with the new job for your husband. To be perfectly honest, I know it's cheeky but he could have asked to be late if there was really no other option. That said, it probably would have been better before he accepted, so I think you've been wise by choosing to ensure he is home.

nokidshere · 16/08/2017 02:52

I suspect it would also be frowned upon on the first day in general - I once needed hospitalising but had to suffer a week long OFSTED before I collapsed and was admitted. If I hadn't stayed in, I would have been in serious doodoo.

You didn't have to, you chose to! And this behaviour is exactly why HTs get away with stuff. No-one, in any job, is indispensable to the point where their job is more important than their health.

highinthesky · 16/08/2017 08:10

Back to the subject - this is not about health! It's about a want and not a need and I'm not hearing a good reason for being late to mandatory training.

MyOtherProfile · 16/08/2017 08:48

This thread is making me appreciate our head so much. Ahea v hot on the whole work life balance thing and is always open to our requests. She doesn't always grant them but will always listen. Consequently we all show a lot of good will and put in lots of extra time.

MyOtherProfile · 16/08/2017 08:50

She's not ahea whatever that is!

heron98 · 16/08/2017 09:08

I don't think this would be acceptable in any job, teaching or otherwise. It would look very, very bad. And what if the train was delayed or cancelled? He's cutting it very fine. I think he needs to come back the day before or not go.

cantkeepawayforever · 16/08/2017 11:26

I think the issue is the 'first dayness' of it.

Once established in a job, with a reputation for reliability, hard work, going the extra mile etc - then a request for an occasional absence of this type may well be authorised / smiled on / thought acceptable. I too have always worked for reasonable heads who have authorised e.g. absence to watch my children's primary school leaving play, visit my mum in hospital etc - but only once i have been at that school for a while.

As an unknown newbie - no. It just starts you off on the wrong foot, and will set people's perception of you

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