To be late on the first day of work?

[Zumbumba]

DH has a new job as head of a department in a school. At interview, he forgot to mention that we have a wedding to go to in France the Sunday before school starts. Because of where it is, we cannot get back on the Sunday, but are on the first Eurostar into Paris on the Monday morning. He is due in school at 8.30am. He will be there at 9.30, 10am at the latest.

He had agreed the time off with previous school but forgot about the wedding when interviewing and contact day at new school. WIBU to be 1-1.5hrs late on the first day of a new job? He is planning to contact the school about it tomorrow (or rather, Friday post A level results). The other option is that he says nothing, misses the wedding and flies back on Sunday morning. And I travel home with our 8mo alone.

He is convinced people will judge him against this and will set an unfavourable impression. I am not convinced anyone will even remember beyond the first day.

He should not be late on his first day especially, but as a senior member of staff,any other day either. At least not without a good reason.

Why do you need help to travel back with your child?

September insets are quite often used to update e.g. Safeguarding training or explain new policies. Missing these wouldn't just be rude, or give a bad impression - they could genuinely affect his ability to do his job.

The Eurostar timings are a pest late at night/first thing in the morning, I agree. Depending on where the wedding is, is it possible to get to a different airport (even if only him) and you still Eurostar back? If you are towards the east of France, for example, you might get a flight from the border with Germany.

He needs to start on time.

He should just phone up the school in the morning to say he has diarrhoea and it's kept him up for a few hours. He should then say that his wife is going to the pharmacy when they open (usually 9am) to get medication, and that he really hopes to come to work as soon as they kick in. Your DH can then contact school just before he leaves home (I.e, when he's back in the UK and ready to travel to work), and inform them that he's on his way. Buy a box of tablets and get your DH to take them to school with him too.

Your DH could even tell a half lie, and say that he was at a wedding on the Saturday or Sunday and thinks he must have eaten something dodgy there - I find it's always easier with a half lie.

I've done similar things to what I've suggested above in the past, and have known many colleagues and HOD's do similar.

If your DH has an inset day, then in my experience, he'll be missing next to nothing by missing a couple of hours. If his missing a couple of hours with a tutor group, then obviously it's worse, but teachers are not robots and they do get 'ill.'

I had a friend in one school who was from a different country, and her partner had booked a 7 day break and 3 of these days were days she was meant to be at school. She planned cover work in advance and emailed it in each morning from her holiday - just quick 5 minute emails. She then had a friend who was based in the U.K, but from the same country as her, phone the school each morning pretending to be her! That was very naughty!

One of my HOD's used to feign illness when meetings/twilight sessions etc clashed with certain football matches, and would leave early or have the day off.

My HOD in one school even pulled a sicky on her Birthday - two years in a row, one year it was for one day, the next for 3 days leading to the weekend - If that's not cheeky, then I don't know what is!

I hope those examples have made you feel a bit better. Definitely don't ask the schools permission, they'll get pissed off and probably not let your DH, or get pissed off and reluctantly let him and hold a grudge. Just tell a decent lie, you'll get what you want that way!

Jobs are supposed to honour previous holiday arrangements but you do need to tell them. If it's a wedding and you are doing yoir best to get back as early as possible I think most heads would understand. And in my experience the first hour of the first inset back is coffee and catch up. Worth speaking to your line manage I think.

Oh, bless...

There must be another airport he can fly in to and travel home late on the Sunday night.

I'm not a teacher (lawyer) and wouldn't want to be late on first day for any job I've had, pre and post qualification, for something which was avoidable. In fact I think I have a recurrent nightmare on this! The timings for getting into st Pancras then to school make me feel uncomfortable so I wouldn't be relaxed at the wedding or on the trip home and tearing straight off to new job from a break, knowing I was already late would be far from ideal for me. Plus I'd be knackered having gone to wedding on Sunday, packed up and got early train from France (with baby so not having a croissant then eyes closed!). So when negotiating my start date as a non teacher I would just say I was unavailable that day but obviously term time adds rigidity counterbalanced with long holidays. Btw I suspect he didn't forget to mention it at interview and again at his contact day but prob felt it was a bit of an ask to be late on first day. He might have felt ok to ask in his old job where he was established but not his new one. Is it a family wedding?

Also, travelling back from France alone with one baby is nothing!

Get a grip!

My sil is getting married in september on a school day, one of her bridesmaids is a secondary teacher.
She had to inform her school as soon as date was set and cover had to be arranged for the day so far in advance.

No way can he turn up late on his first day - or at all. He has to be there at 8.30am - it's his start time, not a random time they plucked out of the air!

He should just phone up the school in the morning to say he has diarrhoea

and the school won't ask him to stay off for 48 hours to comply with their D&V policy?

I'd agree if he phones at this late stage it looks awful.. is there another option though? Can he get a late flight home on the Sunday ? And then you follow on on the Eurostar?

Argeles post has left me speechless. I am fairly sure that I never taught with colleagues who lied in that way but perhaps I am naive. I retired 10 years ago. Perhaps things have changed.

He cannot be late. He has to go in.

Phoning in sick when you're not is gross misconduct.

I suspect it would also be frowned upon on the first day in general - I once needed hospitalising but had to suffer a week long OFSTED before I collapsed and was admitted. If I hadn't stayed in, I would have been in serious doodoo.

Argeles what awful advice.

Argeles

Could he fly back Sunday evening? So he could still attend the wedding?

If it's INSET, then he will be leading his new team! I know we'd be told no & my boss is brilliant & very accommodating where possible but first day, new job....his commitment will be questioned & it will be remembered!

And in one post @Argeles illustrates why some of the teaching profession get the rest of us a bad name.

OP a friend has just lost a hefty deposit on a week away skiing in February due to a change in job (and therefore term dates) - she didn't even ask if they'd honour it as she was concerned about how it would be perceived. Don't ask just suck it up would be the most appropriate course of action fir me.

Jobs are supposed to honour previous holiday arrangements...

Really?

I would write and ask. It might not even be a problem.

He simply can't be late on his first day. He will always be thought of as oh yes the one who was late on his first day. Sorry. It's just simply not on.

I'm going to disagree with others here - I think if it's an important wedding, of someone he's close to, it's worth asking. I'm a teacher and would ask in the same situation, and would not judge a member of SLT who was missing on the first morning. In fact, there's a fair chance a lot of people won't even notice he's not there.

argeles your post is shocking! I have colleagues who have been in hospital and still setting cover and emailing it in. I had proper flu last year and almost died of guilt having five days off work, I pretty much crawled through the following week in my hands and knees, but knew I couldn't stay off any longer and inconvenience my colleagues and students.