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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I'm I being unreasonable in expecting my friend to replace an item I lent her?

78 replies

Redbag123 · 15/08/2017 17:54

Backstory ( I am deliberately being vague as I think she's on mumsnet)

Friend came to my house and notice item,a few days later she asks to borrow item. I lend her my perfectly working item and the next day she gives it back saying she never got the change to use it. She said she should keep it for longer in order to do what she wanted to do, she insisted I take it. All was well until Sunday 2 weeks after receiving it back I went to use said item only to find that it's not working. I suspect friend broke item and gave it back in a hurry hoping I wouldn't notice ( it's not an everyday item). How do I move forward? Ask her to replace item? Or leave it?

OP posts:
PuntasticUsername · 15/08/2017 17:55

Was it definitely not broken when you lent it to her, and have you asked her straight out if she broke it?

SwiftAnchor · 15/08/2017 17:58

How old is the item and how much would it. It's to replace/fix?

SwiftAnchor · 15/08/2017 17:58

Sorry how much would it cost to replace or fix?

Aquamarine1029 · 15/08/2017 17:58

Oh dear. This can be tricky. One possibility is that she knows she broke it and hopes you won't notice/say anything, which if true is a REALLY shitty thing to do. Or maybe she genuinely doesn't know and it just quit working. Basically, you have to decide if it's worth risking your friendship over. Was it an expensive item?

Original poster
Redbag123 · 15/08/2017 17:58

I definitely was not broken and it definitely has been used. I have said anything yet. I tried the item again today replacing something thinking that may have been the problem but it made no differences.

OP posts:
missionmumlondon · 15/08/2017 17:58

I think you should definitely contact her. Ask her how she found if when she used it. Tell her that you found it broken after she returned it.

If she's a true friend, she'd offer to replace if. If not, get a new item and a new friend.

ChelleDawg2020 · 15/08/2017 17:59

It depends. How expensive is it, i.e. can you afford to replace it yourself for the sake of risking your friendship? If you are 100% certain she broke it, you are entitled to ask her to replace it. But if you're only 90% sure, is it worth the risk of losing her as a friend? Only you can decide really. Weigh up the cost of the item against the cost of losing a friend. Would you care if she felt falsely accused?

Original poster
Redbag123 · 15/08/2017 18:00

£70 approx. It cost isn't really the issue as yes the item can be replaced, for me it's the principle.

OP posts:
ludothedog · 15/08/2017 18:01

Depends what it is. If it's a £15 toasty machine then I would write it down as a loss. If it is £150 set of hair tongs then I would be asking again.

SwiftAnchor · 15/08/2017 18:02

Could you gauge her reaction by saying something like - just as well you didn't need to use item in the end. I tried to use it and it was broken ?

youaredeluded · 15/08/2017 18:03

What do you value more the item or your friendship? As you will have to call her a lier and that is going to make things awkward.

Original poster
Redbag123 · 15/08/2017 18:04

Seems odd she's return it before she was due to return and to say she hasn't used it when she clearly has.
And if it wasn't work when I gave it to her surly she would have said something.

OP posts:
OculusReparo · 15/08/2017 18:04

All was well until Sunday 2 weeks after receiving it back I went to use said item only to find that it's not working

You used the item two weeks after receiving back...so is there a chance that it stopped working during those two weeks? Something to do with the fuse or battery perhaps?

Original poster
Redbag123 · 15/08/2017 18:06

I was thinking to gauge her reaction by asking 'what would you do if you lent someone something and they returned it broken?'

OP posts:
Trollspoopglitter · 15/08/2017 18:07

"What do you value more the item or your friendship?"

I guess the friend asked herself this very question. Now that you have her answer, OP, what are you going to do? She feels your friendship is worth less than £70. Do you agree and disengage?

Notreallyarsed · 15/08/2017 18:07

Just tell her outright, it was working when I gave it to you, you took it, and now it's not. This is where you buy a new one, thanks.

DailyMailReadersAreThick · 15/08/2017 18:08

I was thinking to gauge her reaction by asking 'what would you do if you lent someone something and they returned it broken?'

Unless she's extremely thick, that's not going to go down well.

You're 100% certain she's broken it, right? So ask her to replace it. If she doesn't, you either have to accept it or end the friendship. Or take it to small claims court and face the judge's wrath. Grin

whinesalot · 15/08/2017 18:09

Mmm tricky. You'll have to say something or it will fester.

Original poster
Redbag123 · 15/08/2017 18:10

I value the friendship more but I would also value a friend who has principles and Integrity.

OP posts:
LIZS · 15/08/2017 18:18

Did you or anyone else use it in the intervening weeks? Was it obviously damaged or just not work ( ie. Electrical fault)? How much to repair?

Original poster
Redbag123 · 15/08/2017 18:21

The item has been in the same bag she gave it to me, I put it away and didn't look at it until I needed to use it on Sunday. It's a battery operated item but I've replaced the batteries. It's fairy new, less than a year old and only used on special occasions. No one else had access it since it's been returned.

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 15/08/2017 18:23

There are only 2 options. 1, you say nothing and get over it. 2, if you can't let it go, ask her about it directly. Don't play games by asking loaded questions.

FreakinScaryCaaw · 15/08/2017 18:24

I'd have to mention it.

PearlyPinkNails · 15/08/2017 18:26

If it's a vibrator the batteries run out really quickly.

PearlyPinkNails · 15/08/2017 18:26

WinkGrin